tzaddik90 wrote on 10 Feb 2011 16:05:


I'm sure Pizza Uri could arrange something even better...

Hey Tzaddik,

I would like to share something I tried to learn during these years of struggle. I joined GUE just very recently but I've been struggling for years against sexual addiction. Despite having a great father, I also have a background of abuses, which came back very clearly to my memory just recently (it was a family 'friend'). I do not now the exact nature of the abuses you are talking about, but mine were sexual abuses, and whatever are yours I believe I can understand how bad you feel at times.

I would propose you the following considerations... maybe there is something you can pick up, at least I hope so...

1) many years ago my psycho told me to make friends and see people more often and try to call someone anytime I feel down. I've applied this suggestion and I've realized it works just partially. Why partially? For the following reason:

a) people are often generous despite the fact they have limits. however they simply might be not able to understand you at times, since they have a different background.

b) abuses create a kind of filter in your mind and you tend to interpret other peoples' behaviors according to your bad experiences. this is why honestly I do not fully believe you when you say that there is nobody kind in your neighborhood. I've realized that many times the same person looks nasty or extremely kind just according to MY mental status.

c) nice people (as nice as you, I am sure you are!!!) in some way might feel that you are going to 'drag' their energy and at times they might avoid you for that reason. this is because of how you mentally approach them at times.

Well what to do then?

I believe that abuses are terrible and hardly understandable by people who didn't try them. However you were given that obstacle to overcome. Why? since for sure you have all the resources and braveness to overcome that situation. My experience is that looking for people in order to cheer up when you are down is GOOD and works at one condition: it must be sharing, i.e. you also need to be able to give something to your supporters.
Many years ago I found myself without anything to give and I started looking for spirituality in non-orthodox way (i.e. oriental meditation and so on). soon I realized that people were approaching me with more interest and they wanted to be friends, maybe since I was more relaxed and a little bit less concerned about myself. then I started to go back to the roots and I studied some Jewish meditation, very simple ones but much much much :-))) more effective than all the oriental stuff I tried. I've used Aryeh Kaplan's 'Jewish meditation' techniques (Schockhen, New York 1985) and they are great and very accessible. For a long time I've repeated the same iter: I have to see a friend or a neighbour, even just 5 minutes for a talk about a stupid issue? ok 20 minutes before I start meditating or praying and ask Hashem to give me something to share, since I am depressed maybe and on my own I do not know have anything good in my pocket. If you have a clean heart G-d replies always (at least this is my experience :-))). That way I can grant you that even if the persons you meet are not your ideal friends it will be great and you will start appreciating many things of them that maybe you've never seen (old, young, whoever, Jewish and non-Jewish). It's way of filling your heart which always works, even if, I repeat you believe the people you have around are not so nice...

what to do then? well we are in a difficult situation: on one hand rubbish (lust) which enters in our hearts and bodies and on the other we would like to put something new and better (love?). well, I guess you can't put love without stopping rubbish. You have the worst rubbish, the most stinky one (abuses). Ok. I realized that as long as I go on being the victim there is no way out, since it is precisely the way those memories succeed in entering and polluting your mind. You have to say 'it's over'. NOW I am NOT a victim anymore and every day is a New Creation (was it Baal Shem Tov?). I realized it this Summer in Jerusalem when I met a very old Rabbi who told me 'you know what you miss it? happiness, you have to be happy all the minutes of your life. do you have any reason for saying that I am wrong?'... well I started mumbling and then I looked in his shining eyes and I got it... I do not know how to explain...he was old, visibly not healthy and still incredibly happy and I am here younger, healthier and still I am complaining...it makes no sense if you look outside yourself for a second...
You have to be heroic, take the katana and cut your relation with your interior image of the victim... but you may say... then if I cut I will remain empty, since I do not have love for filling the gaps... yes, it happened to me and any time I started crying to G-d and...ehm... contracting :-))) ... I follow your will but you have to help me, please, please, please....I can't do it on my own... if you do not help me my will is so weak that in half an hour I will be watching porns ... honestly I talk to G-d also screaming, aloud when it is necessary and I have to say that replies arrive, either you get strength, or someone calls you or you realize that you can call someone or just have a walk outside...

My recent healing came reciting Shem? the way it is taught by Aryeh Kaplan in his book. I have very small religious culture and I was happy I could approach a very single prayer in a new incredible way. I just know that it worked much better than any therapist and it took away a lot of that non-joy which has destroyed my life. I really hope that the same will happen to you mate!!! Just keep on struggling, keep the rubbish away, do the good things and remember that it's precisely when you are down that Hashem is there and he does not desire anything but helping you with all his strength and love. He just asks you to call him, even if you do not have such a strong voice anymore in that moment...and He will reply for sure!!! And the memories of the abuses will become your treasure, since they will show you how great is Hashem who raises you from the powder where you have been put by man!

Chaim 1977

I HAVENT BEEN TO PIZZA URI IN YEARS

CAN ANYONE PLEASE ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS

#1 DOE THEY STILL SERVE ON SMALL PEICES OF CARDBOARD

#2 DO THEY STILL HAVE THAT GREEN STUFF TO SHMEAR ON THE PIZZA

#3 IS RAVOOORI A ZAKAN MUFLAGG ALREADY

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 10 Feb 2011 15:38:


that is why all you need to do is be polite and respectful to your in-laws,no lengthy dialogue,

carry yourself with dignity and respect.

As much as it hurts inside , externally remain calm , as if you are indifferent to their disappoval,and things will calm down because as the saying goes "it takes two to tango"

even if some of thier criticism is valid ,and is hitting a raw nerve,what you do is evaluate it independently.Every one can and needs to improve.But the fact that you have things to work on should not shatter you.The fact that you have real flaws should not break you.

Your in-laws opinion of you does not define you. It's unpleasant, but should not shake you.

Don't get into any head on confrontations.Just be an overall mentch.Act towards your mother-in-law in the way you would before this change in her.That woman is still there,and that woman will come back .And if the nasty streak is still there ,you will learn how to navagate around it.

If you are a classic mentch over an extended period of time , its impossible that things won't change for the better

May you have lots of Berachah and Hatzlacha

bardichev wrote on 10 Feb 2011 20:27:


Yes, orange/pink and not green, and yes but not muflag. In that order. And this year they opened a branch near the mir...

BARUCH HASHEMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand what you are going through.
My own mother was treating me in a parallel way.
I broke down once and the doctors diagnosed me as emotionally abused.
When consulting a few rabbis about how I should handle the situation, especially with regard to kibbud av v'ein, I was told that it doesn't apply in my situation and that I should distance myself from abusive relationships.

I attended a shiur where a rabbi spoke about communication and I approached him afterwards and told him that whenever I try speak to my parents, I always end up getting hurt and he told me something that changed my life - our entire family.
He told me about his relationship with his mother, how she would embarrass him publicly, always talk hurtfully to him, he is a great man, a great rabbi, but she would say he knows nothing.  How you describe your situation reminded me of how he described his.

Then one day, he was told she has Alzheimer’s. It was not her fault, she could not control the way she was treating other people. She has a disease.
He told me “Your mother has a disease.  Deep down she doesn’t mean to hurt you, she just can’t control the words that come out her mouth”.
The next time I spoke to my mother and she let rip, I understood: she has no power over this. I accepted her words and they did not get me down. The words did not make me angry any more, which broke the vicious cycle.

I do not know if my mother has Alzheimer’s or not, but today we are great friends and there hasn’t been a single confrontation in years.

Tzaddik, your mother in law has a disease.

Chaim, to add, zem, y, thank you. im amazed sometimes how much people understand. i want to re read your posts carefully. youre all unbelievable, kulanu chachomim, nevonim.... .

And i dont mean to be motzee la'az on pizza uri-its kosher yosher!

Thank gd we have ppl like durdaya on this site that can help keep us updated on the colors of the bacterial sauces to put on the pizza and their accompannying colors.

I became stronger through this. i fortified myself with dignity and self esteem.
    You gye's are the best. Enuff crying, gotta go make my chulint.

ps. bards wrote me about not needing to cry it out, i want to follow that up, und. it, and drink it in. like woodford in a dessert on a hot day.

kod! (keep on drinking)

Hope you're having a great start to your week!

Tzadik90;

We need to talk.

7  up, i was hoping and also afraid yod' say that. as i type this, i shake in fear of the ensuing discussion, sshheeer hammaalos....

Not a disress call. Don't worry.

Just a little vibes from me,lil ol me.
As i once posted, gd enjoys runnig me into mekubalim, wizards, and fairys, and that by divine force i sort of live in the olamos. So as per Hshem's sense of humor and loving hashgacha, it happened again this shabbos.
As you may  know from my last posts, im making my effort to make friends here and accost people with a good shabbos. This shabbos i got two gut shabbosses-it's a slow start, but wer'e improving. So to do my social part, as per BARD shlit's command, i invited out my family to a meal and lo and behold, who's there? A wizard mekubal! Hshem's sense of humor, orchaestraeting the future tikkun of each one.
So i happen to know this mikubal, he has many great qualities, is divorced, a lonely person, so we shmoozed it up together.
He sat there with the white clothing, zohar, and siddur kavanos and i with my plain joe run o the mill tfillas kul peh, and a pocket sized tanya, and we let it rock and roll.

So here's a few int. things nogaya to the gye's here that we discussed:By the way this mekubal niflah can tell you your'e gilgul, mazal, lifespan, health.....he's gotta lot of kool tricks.

so he said "as far as i know from baba sali, r kaduri, and my late friend R shalom ifferghan, there are no ways to alter a persons mind or erase memories. SO EVEN IF I WOULD do tikkunim from 2day till tomorrow, you'd still have the memories of abuse, or lust.

I asked him if he can assist in helping me and a buddy in breaking free of a weird sexual disorder-he said too "even if i could do s/thing, it would be to clean up your'e neshama, but your'e brain would still be addicted to this fetish so it would help very little. What you need to do is the twelve steps. Only that will help you most. and being happy and destroying rid, anger, and sadness-then your'e addiction will fade away into your memories and not bother u anymore".
Then i told him how gye helped me so much since i joined and he said "your'e doing very good. keep doin it. it is very good."

And for a cherry on top, for those lusters out there, listen to this-this story-the mekubal said he never tells people their gilgul,its usually too much to handle-it destroys except seldomly. This mekubal's wife pressed him many times to reveal her gilgul report to  her and he declined, and she pulled all the shtick of delila in the shimshon story :you dont love me cuz youre not revealling my gilgul!",etc.
so one day, like shimshon hagibbor, the mekubal broke and said "wife-when we lived hundreds of years ago, i was married to a woman and worked on a plantion. you too worked there, but you were single. and you lusted for me really bad and so you once asked me to do aveira with you. i said no, but from then i lusted terribly for you, and you  for me-as a result of all this lusting, Hshms' punishment for us was that we should come back again to the world and get married together, in order to fullfill our both desires to lust for each other.

Knocked your socks off?

Sorry, the story's got a little shock value doesn't it.

So if  a man with chachmas hapattzuf and chachmas hayad, kavanos, yechudim, tikkunim, and aliyos neshama told me tht ULTIMATELY IT WILL BE THE 12 STEPS THAT WILL BREAK YOU FREE OF YOUR ADDICTION, doenst that make you make sure your'e getting into the steps and working through them?

Sorry about the socks,
tz90 mekubal addict hakadosh motz d'khellas rambo chassidim di'uri pizza shlita

Feeeeeeeling reeeeeeeeeeeeal vulnerable, hhhhm, there's lotsa ice around here.........
icy icy ice............
ice with soap suds glazed on top
which was waxed afterwards and then run over with a zambonie.....

T90


I think ur mekubal divorced hallucinator shud cover him self in miki humus or sabra no diff

Let him ride my tuss tuss

My tuss tuss was a truckin a previous life

What a laffer

B

you got me to SMILE!