Hello, anybody out there (pinchas floyd)?

im just writing that im scared for my first SA meeting tomorrow.
scared...

I'm too busy being scared for everybody else there......maybe leave some of the weapons at home.

me3, i want emotional support, not fire support!
you better give some cuz im lookin for it and its a nice mitzvah, man do i feel vulnerable now

Chill out buddy you've got more guts then me. I've never went to one of those.

me3,
i am tougher on the outside
ive been in life situations
ive almost been killed
and taken others
i have much trauma and life experience
resilience
bravery
chutzpah and fiercity
i am willing to die for a cause

but i am emotionally weak
and friends help friends

i feel scared
good night
i will sleep and just jump in
it is what will help me serve god so i am willing to die to do this, so i will do this

good night friend

tzadik,
i will be talking to the Boss tonite
will put in a few words (maybe paragraphs) for you
you are doing the good work!
keep it up
hold your head high!

tzaddik90 wrote on 31 Mar 2011 21:48:


That's ferocity Tzaddiko.

I love you, and I'll daven for you bl"n (if not with my mouth, then definitely in my thoughts).

K'David veYehoinasan,

E

tzaddik90 wrote on 31 Mar 2011 21:48:


Tzaddik, you're a brave man, braver than most of us here.  You'll be great tomorrow.  And all the nervousness will dissipate if you see that one of your friends -- the one you never dream was there -- is also there.  Good Luck, and like ZS said, we will be davening for you.

May the force be with you.

I haven't gone to an SA meeting - yet. (I have been told that I will likely end up there, but not yet.)

I have been to GYE meetings, though.

The 1st was when Duvid Chaim was in town for business & many of us met him one evening. I had a VERY hard time gathering the courage to go. Even after I traveled to the meeting's location i was still debating whether I should turn around & go home. I put my hand on the doorknob; it was a sweaty palm. I rang the doorbell & tried the knob. It was unlocked. Tepidly, I slowly opend the door, my heart in my throat, & looked inside.

One of the guys was walking toward me [to answer my ring & open the door]. His glowing face was adorned with a bright smile. I started relaxing. As I stood at the doorway of the room where the guys were gathered I responded to their greeting with my name, Yosef Hatzadik. There enthusiastic welcome put me at ease!

The LIVE component of that meeting was GREAT. It capitulated me into my longest clean streak EVER!

I am very happy that I let myself be convinced to attend!!






I understand that this is VERY different from the SA meetings. this was more of a party/get-together, but the fear of being seen is there all the same.

ya know tzaddik, I love you, really.
But my head spins when I try to follow your threads.
Can someone make a dummies guide to GYE?

If you were not scared, that would probably mean that you were an idiot or something.

No?



You are really not alone!!! But there are indeed times in recovery (and in life in general) when we need to take a few little steps all by ourselves. These are the really important ones. Then everything gets easier. "We step into the light - into a whole new way of life..." It's really not that bad, you know.

Nu. At least you know you are not an idiot!

Love,

Dov

must b brief, wife chasing me with rolling pin,
i did CBT for long time to bring all my trauma into the front concious, for the initiated it's the most blessedly painful and rewarding feeling possible

i dont live in my past,
but bec. i accessed it to help a few people on various threads here this week, plus s/thing that Zem told me,
the unexpected happened

and like i posted, somehow
all those thoughts came out so much unexpectedly that i felt i was a young broken boy again

it was exhilirating, incredible, undiscribable

and i had to face it head on

i was scared from SA mainly bec. of having to stare this ugly as sin painful life and shelf it once and for all
being identified is not making both legs shake only a few fingers,


and then 7up, (BUNDT PAN 7up! :) wrote the most brilliant thing i'd ever seen in my entire adult life

she wrote "removing addiction means begining over"

so today im being born again.
that's it.
now it's all wrapped up.
im even gonna change  my username a bit


now im gonna be born again
im a baby

new into the world

have a good shabbos

the NEW tzaddik90

Cant wait to hear how the meeting went RAMBO / tzaddik / born again / born again a tzaddik.

Feel proud of yourself  - going to that meeting was REAL strength and gvurah. Forget the weaklings external defences of guns and nunchaku. 
"Eize hu gibor....?"

אחד הנולד בה ואחד המצפה לראותה
now you are born in EY
tzava, petel, Egged, leben, bamba

great to hear Tzadik!
i knew you could do it
היה הכי טוב, יהיה הכי טוב
- עדי רן

someone emailed me last night:

go learn torah instead of lying to yourself and family.
stop being selfish.

i replied:
please identify who u r, my sweet friend

friend or foe

and what i can do for u or u can do for me
and please don't reply if u will not say who u r
my sweet friend
or i will block u

secret admirer, feel free to talk if u got an issue,
but mussar w/out a name or reply is just harrassment

so try again, i DO listen to others
and maybe u can help me with something

but hocheach tocheach....VILO sisah alav chait please