Ebd, there's no one in the world that i'd rather have by my side than you, so you ARE worth something.
Bards, it is not wise to drive a toos toos in your pj's. It was raining this morning and you could have gotten sick. If you don't have a coat then lather your entire body in chumuss and you'll get warmer.
But bards, don't think i need a ride. I think im okay now. Correction, im in a managable state, not okay. Im just gonna take the bus home-hey, there's still time left on my ma'avar.
Yechida, i love your style. thanks for the lift. You and Torah are one.
MY STATUS:
Right now i'm feeling better, the diagphram's still a little tight from the unreal stress that i had from this all. Did some breathing excersizes and popped a zanax candy, and the breathings back to par. Im happy
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and upset, no stirah, but no longer seething like a volcanoe.
The Story in real short:
Mother in laws...anybody got a good joke about em'. Well, there are jokes about pollocks and motherin laws for a reason.
You see, if u remember my past, my parents are alive B"H, but ive no relationship with them. Although i know they technically love me, but i cant even see it except rare ocassions. Not only did i grow up without love, i was abused, crushed, violated, beaten, and critisized.
I just saw gem' brachos 7b that Kashah tarbus ra'ah bisoch beiso shel adam yoser mimilchamess gog umagog.
I lived, from day one, in hell.
Every shabbos and yom tov was only worse.
I feel like a yasom, without parents.
Ive even told yesomim friends that id prefer to be yesomim of loving parents than of living belligerent ones.
My whole life i was used, destroyed, tortured, pulverized, cast aside and hefker.
I would cry many many times, soaking my pillow with tears, looking out the window at the big happy family next door.
OUR STORY:
when i got married, the abuse pretty much stopped and was managable. I was still an empty shell void of love emotion, and parental figues. When my great uncles would come to ey, i would stalk them, needing that feeling of a father figure(and still not getting it).
AND SO when i married, my in laws, who are wonderful people, became like parents to me. i became part of their whole family all living here in ey, all american, wonderful ppl. Their house is mine, their ears to listen, their time, and a ton of their love. They also get tons of nachas from me, as i am a guy who tries to make a kid' hshem, great at learning, etc. They even look up to me, and my shver has a notebook of things he learned from me.
Crux:
Recently, R' asher weiss, R' n. orloweck, and other rabbanim commanded me to go into a certain proffession in order to help them save klal yisrael. I got enthusiastic backing from gedolim, my wife, best friends, my rebbi, parents.
However, my in laws just dont seem to get it. My shver is respectful of what im studying now and keeps quiet about his opinion. My mother in law keeps critisizing me and she even announced mamesh at shabbos meal a month ago how im a failure and she thought i'd become the next r' shach and now "not learning anymore"(btw im learning 1 seder kiddushin, finished 2 sdarim mishnayos, almost done w/ tanna dbei eliyahu, chazring brachos, and doing megillah in prep. for purim, but i guess im not learning.....
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) .
for two years she was like my mother and suddenly she becomes the antagonist. She just cant understand. She also cant relate to her other daughter whose off beaten track but is a tzaddeikis.
Ive politely explained it to them, w/ my wife, sister in law.
So when she ridicules me, it makes me hate her to the deepest point. SHe is a person who loves people for what they do, not who they are.
aside which, im a great guy. gedolim love me. hshm loves me. why....everybody likes me!? Even my wife i treat nicely, not just others.
I do not need more abuse in my life. im done with it. So i have terms to make with my mother in law-either learn how to respect me for my choices (sounds as if im becoming gay c"V, rather im doing what the gedolim told us!geez), and keep her trap shut, and if she cant do this then bye bye relationship. i wont talk to you more than just the polite good morning.
Such a hatred
I am a broken vessel, and just because you dont know how to relate to people better that a five year old doesnt mean that it has to be part of my life.