When we fall, the yetzer hora always tries to keep the fall going. (as an aside, we get back on the chart after 3 clean days, I think, not 3 days after the first fall). Have you read the piece from R' Chaim Shmuelevitz in sichos mussar on last week's parsha? He discusses this precise point!

I would also add something else - and please don't take this the wrong way, because I know that we all do this, but...isn't it interesting how you feel ridiculous and embarassed and worried about the fact that you took non-jewish music, but you're still acting out, which is so much worse thast it should really pretty much eclipse everything else as far as priorities?

And yes, perhaps the artists are lust-oriented, but I'm sure that you could come up with 5 other gedarim that would be m,ore effective at helping you avoid acting out.

Now im back and ready for action! more posts to come, w/ some juicy tochein in them. You might get some acid reflux, be careful. Get your tums and hold onto your seats.

Typed on a green egged bus, somewhere in israel......("wow, they have really strong wifi here in gaza, probably to guide the rockets")
I am sorry for part of the dissapearance of the dapper author, R' Eliezer Ben Durdaya. For several days, he and a team of experts have worked hard, with sweat dripping brows, to help our trapped friend, tzaddik90. Caught in the clutches of the evil and nefarious YH, it was his friends this time that gave him the tools to escape.
Though their advice would not seem to be a breakthrough in addiction science, yet chazal say we often need someone from outside the situation to help remind us what we need to do (ain hachavush matir atzmo mibeis ha'assurim viafeelu rambo, see bach).
Durdaya said "tzaddik, please talk to the RBSO". Zem shabbos added that Hshem would never turn down a sincere plea. Zem's point empowered me to do what Durdaya said, and it helped.
And God helped.
Zem also described how the YH had on me a full Nelson.
He told me to do whatever oi could to break it. This angle helped me alot.
After time, i got out.
Thank God, i see the light again. Its halogen.
I must thank Hshem, and ask him to help me for this whole day too, and then repeat tomorrow.

When i type a post now, i cant see what i type. I think my netbook is a gilgul of the fantastic four or something.
So i may have to post until the bottom line or i'll get dizzy and my forehead will slap the keyboard and write offensive things in Norwesian.
Here's a vort that helped me along in my last free vacation in the YH dungeon:
Good old Rebbe Nachman, expert escape artist (from yiush) writes (sichos haran3):
"dont worry-tshuva can fix everything. Just do tshuva. In fact, tshuva is placed in shamayim higher than the torah and its mitzvos, so you can be sure it will fix up what you did wrong in the torah! (Tshuva's in binah, and torah in tiferess, see ftnote there).
So a ba'al tshuva i know sees a big rav for therapy and my friend had a common problem that he felt he was being looked down upon by the frum community he was in, and the rav said "if you did tshuva then its as if you never did the aveiros, so from now on you CANNOT tell people you are a baal tshuva, because it implies to these people that you did aveiros."

Also, i saw inside a medrash in two places last week, tanna dbei eliyahu and pirkei direbbi eliezer, that Hashem made tshuva before the world....... . So certainly it can fix what comes after him in the big foodchain of ruchneyos and oilamos.
startiing to get dizzy. i better post first.

Ive learned Tanya a few times. Like Torah's decribed by chazal, each time the same material yields more fruits.
So I always knew the Tanya that says in beggining "one who does an aveirah is a rasha. in fact someone who transgresses a dirabanan is a rasha. kal shekain a person who is mivatel an assey dioraysah by being mivatel torah is a rasha. And even a person who sees another sin, and he isnt mocheach him, he's a rasha." Check it out. He brings gemara's for everything there.
So when i read it last week, i said to myself "tzaddik, you are a rasha! how does that make you feel? you and nibuchadnetzer are the same, shame on you."
  Then, i read further and finally understood.
The Baal hatanya says further, "there are many thousands of madreigos of being a tzaddik...amd being a rasha....";he goes into much detail.
But for us, i understood "tzaddik90-you are not nebuchadnetzer! you are a tzaddik in middos, learning, davening, so your'e just a rasha for these ten minutes, until you take off your headphones and do tshuva, in which anycase it will be as if youve never done anything wrong, clean slate.
So even when i was a rasha, it wasnt like nebuchadnetzer. Its not like the way people assume rasha means.....

its like the guy put in prison for a night for being drunk in public. True, undesirable, better work on it, but your'e not a south side strangler.
And that helped me truck up the block to unload my aveiros and do tshuva.
now im gettin dizzy again..

In hindsight,what really got me out of my falling last week was gradually KOT. in hindsight i realize it now.

hi tz90, good to see you posting again
אדר שמח! לחיים

Hi,
Sounds like you're at a better place now.
Yosher Koach
KOT.

ToAdd

Slowly moving forward, not giving up..that's what it's all about.

One day at a time can get us through a lot.

today
B'H i am flying in the clouds today!
Simcha is the most powerful tHING on the planet-not kryptonite or ajax like people think.
B'h im doing well, but that's because im happy.
Why am i happy? Because i'm trying to thank Hshem for all the little things that i have.

tzaddik90 wrote on 24 Feb 2011 16:58:
good to hear
just watch out for the bogies, SAM's and the ack ack

Sounds great - keep it up!

Sb, you make a great navigator
zem, in your last gilgul you werent on a lancaster crew were you?
you seem to know too much abt. ww2 plane lore, unless.....your'e older than i thought....me, i used to be quite the plane geek

der ikkar iz am men kimpt ahaim oif a ving in a prayer
in der RBSO is main co-pilot pilot

(i did not fly lancaster's, that was the RAF and they only flew at night, i flew Lib's, Mustang's, Fortresses, Marauder's, Lightning's, Black Widow's, and some Thunderbolt's, all in my previous gilgul)

ken yu pleez reddin yiddish?