bardichev wrote on 27 Jan 2011 06:31:


with all the respect holy mrs. bard

i have the very same problem
addicted to the 10/12 clean sites "altough some times in some way it leads me to search p..n"
but i'm not talking about that part

can you tell me why in the world do you have internet on your cell
you obviously dont use it for business (you work for google news? )
(as a side note, you probably have no היתר to have acsses on your phone)

just block the internet on your phone altogether period
oh, in the end you will feel so good about that move


my phone is voice/text only even i could have use it for business

Quote from Paul:

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 27 Jan 2011 19:38:


          The basis for the false reasoning that when we get married these problems (lusting) will go away lies within this conundrum.  The need to interact is at its basic level, a wholly healthy action.  What one with this addiction has done is taken the interactiveness out of relationships and replaced it with activeness (sans the "inter..).  By acting out and fulfilling his short term wants the addict has transferred his need to interact to a need to keep this "wants" of his fulfilled.  Thus his "wants"have become his needs and his needs no longer include the aforementioned "interactiveness".  In our case the "wants" are lusting, whereas the original "needs" were love between one and their spouse.  Therefore the love between a spouse and an addict does not take the place of the addicts "wants" and henceforth the addict does not magically heal when he gets married. 
          The same applies in our case although it must be applied differently.  When one posts his comments online other people see it and comment based upon the way they feel and the way they feel other people will react to what they say.  So far not very different from an in-person conversation.  What then takes place is the difference that you present.  A person in a live conversation is limited to his audience and as such will tailor his opinion to the few people that he is interacting with. This is comparable to the interaction between the husband and wife who have only each other.  Conversely, the addict chooses his fix exactly according to what gives him his most "fulfilling" high.  This is what occurs online, where the nature of the comments one makes does not have to take into account what any one small group of people will think of him.  Think about what would be the case if online interaction was limited to cross-interaction by a limit of 3 people.  There would very doubtfully be any addiction to such forums.  Now lets connect the beginning and end and we notice that when one posts online he fulfills his "wants" to gain a positive reaction to his comments but disregards his "needs" to tailor his comments to the crowd that he is speaking to.  By tailoring his needs to those that are around him he would be creating a wholly positive relationship; but by disregarding this need he is fulfilling it with the short term "wants" that he gains by not having to tailor his comments. 

Once again, this is my own educated opinion, and I encourage debate.

Internet addiction

Forum addiction

First to the fellow who called me mrs.bard

Actuallty we go by a more common last name

And it is the mrs bard who suffers from mr bards (that's me) internet and forum addiction


Now there are 3 issues here

#1 waste of time at work

#2 waste of family time. Davening and learning time


Now regarding the Internet connected phone

Do I need need need it? No

Do I need need need a truck? No

Do I need need need designer clothes?no

Does my phone help me at work ?yes

After work yes

I only use my phone for work and to stay connected with this forum and some living breathing flesh and blood buddies and relatives(yupp I got those too)

Now#3 forum addiction

Here goes

Because I shed my addiction to lust and internet shmuts

By using the tools available on this forum

Therefore by being connected and communicating to people here are KEY to my staying clean (sober holy pure sane derech erets call it what u choose I call it clean)

There fore I don't know of another way

Now that I said that u will ask ehhh uhh mr (or is it mrs ichh vays alayn nisht) how do u survive a 3 day tom tov

So azoi yom tov I have no internet access.

What I'm saying is is azoi

I don't enjoy being so dependent on a forum but its the best tool I've met so far

I celebrate my 2 clean years (yes a few slips and one notable fall all well documented thru my honesty and accountability). If any one has any ideas please share

If u identify with me please say so

If u have great ideas like uhh ehh get rid of ur phone
Please say those ideas too.

B

We love you, Reb b. That is my only suggestion, really....

Dear guy whose comments keep getting removed,

Since you are a schmutz-viewer and a person who has a masturbation problem, I figured that you and I could relate and maybe even get a bit cozy. You are posting comments about what separates us. Whether you are right or wrong about what separates us is irrelevant here. We are generally here because we share problems with habitual lusting, schmutz-viewing, and masturbation - not because we all believe in the same things.

If you want to put the truth as you see it right out there and are mekayem lo saguru mipnei ish, then I wonder why you are using a fake name. I use my real name because expressing myself honestly is indispensable to me. If expressing yourself is so important to you, too, why not quit hiding behind a username? And while you are at it, if you start using your time here to admit exactly what your mistakes in lust and sex have been, and what you do about it that works, you and everybody else here will probably benefit.

Please remember that all kind of Jews and even some non-Jews post here, so no one really cares what your opinion or my opinion is regarding their religious beliefs. That's just not why we are here. We are here to share many different solutions to the same basic problem. Not to accept one solution or belief.

If everyone posted the way you have been, it is plain that this site would not be here at all today. If you want to snub people, I hope you change your mind. If you really just want to just sit and debate religion, there are plenty other websites for that. Take your pick.

GYE members are here because we care about ourselves and about you. Isn't that good enough for you?

Reebereber=DOV


I don't know why u even answered him

YH is an equal opportunity employer

I find that the forum is a great "me-achaid"

I got to know

Lubavitchers,satmerers,yeshivish, etc etc

I find that when we don't "see" the person we can actually connect our neshamos better

And guess what kulanu bnai ish echad nachnu

This guy is off the wall sorry

B

Hey, maybe we should change the name of the website to "B'nai Brith"!

....Oh. That one's taken?

;D ;D

(Pssst. What the chhhheck are u doing up at this hour, Rebbe?)

Just finished melava malka

I still didn't say a chassidishe mayseh yet...

What's the matter with you?! Say the dang mayseh and go to sleep already!!

(pssst. I'm in the middle of melaveh malkah too....can you tell me the mayseh? but make it quick, It's stupid late already and I work tomorrow.)

The way I see it, one of the main ideas behind this forum is getting out of isolation. The less we isolate the more we are able to recover. In addition, the main result of addiction is egoism, ahavas yisroel and helping another jew out, breaks that problem and helps us recover even more because we aren't thinking about ourselves. But I do agree that constantly clicking the "show new replies to your posts" button probably reflects a little bit of egoism. My suggestion would be not to have internet on your phone. Or if that's not possible, at least turn your phone off when you go to sleep at night (I know how long it takes for a blackberry to start up again, but I think the results justify the means) and don't turn it on again until after shachris. And then again by mincha etc.

Either way maybe you could post up the mayseh.

bardichev wrote on 27 Jan 2011 06:31:


[color=red][Comment deleted.  7UP[/color]

No it hasn't.

After all, we're both still here.

dov wrote on 30 Jan 2011 07:47:


shudder Dov, you can't be serious! Don't you know that you have to write BeNai Beriss?

If you write 'B'nai Brith' than some people might get the idea that we're not frum enough for them.

That would almost be as bad as Bne Brit...

Please, we need to be open minded.

Like the rebbe reb bards said: Keeluni B'nai Ish Echudd Nuchnee. Kulonu Benay EEsh Echudd Nuchnooo, Kulannu Bnei Ish Echad Nachnu, We are all children of the same Father.

AHAVAS CHINNAM IS THE KEY!!!