Maccabee--
I think recovery is like a recipe--the same recipe followed by different cooks can taste very different, even when it is followed correctly. What I mean is that recovery is difficult, no matter whether single or married, whether begun before or after marriage. It is so hard to look at today and not at yesterday or tomorrow. It is so easy to say "if only..." Although for most SAs, our disease began when we were young, it does not always appear at a young age, or before marriage, although it usually does. What is important, though, is that we identify that we are sick, begin recovery, and stay in recovery. What is also essential is being honest with ourselves and with those whom our disease affects. If we start recovery after marriage, then we need to let our wife know about our disease and our recovery. This does not mean a full disclosure (a full disclosure is harmful to us, our spouse, and our relationship). However, as painful as a disclosure may be, it is not nearly as painful as unintended discovery. If we are in recovery before we enter marriage, then it is incumbant for us to inform our intended spouse of our disease and our recovery. However, our spouse is not to be the one to whom we are accountable: that responsibility is our sponsor's. However, the more open you are about lust being your drug of choice, how you instinctively react to stress, fear, anger, even joy, and how you are treating it with your recovery program, the more your relationship with your wife will grow, and can augment your reocvery.
Peace for today,
--Main
