Shalom Everybody,

When I was younger, with G-d help at times I succeeded in guarding my eyes for a very long time (months). It would cost me a big effort, but I would do it in order to obtain good University results. It turned out always to work and I was the best student of my year. However, when I relaxed a little bit after conquering success I would start question myself and all my sacrifices and being jealous of all the people I had around who could have sexual fun at any time. Therefore after University I started being more permissive with myself with disastrous consequences on my job.

Now I am progressively improving again and I feel G-d forgiveness and grace, since as soon as I started fighting seriously I started also being quite successful again (even if not to the same extent as I used to be). However I terribly fear to go back to the same stage in which after having herded what is enough for my needs and my pleasure I will start sinning again.

What should I do? The problem inside my heart is that when I am clean I love Hashem so much that I do not fear His punishment. I know that 'Irat Hashem reshit daat', but it does not enter into my hear, it remains a sentence.

Please can anybody help me?

thank you!!!

M.

Hey Chaim,

For me, the question I try to remember to ask myself when I'm tempted is it this brief pleasure worth all the pain it will bring? I know it sounds obvious, but maybe forcing yourself to realise what 'unrestrained pleasure' did to your life before may make you pause before you act.

A guy on the forum, suggested that it might help to really savour how good it feels to be clean, and to know things will improve in every way when you do your best in this struggle.

It's human nature to become complacent after a while; I guess that's why history keeps on repeating itself. Thing is, I think it comes down to how many times we can bear 'burning our own hand' before we've had enough.

That's my two cents anyhow, lol. Have a great weekend.

TC and BW,

DL

Thank you Desert Lion!

It's a good suggestion I've successfully applied right today when the pressure was getting stronger...

It's like at times I really miss the importance of present and the immediate consequences of falling again into the same addictive behavior.

I think now it's clearer to my mind that one has always to look simultaneously to two aspects of the struggle: on one hand, the big 'picture' of one's life and on the other hand the day to day fight...

I hope you are also having a good WE!

GB

Hey GB,

I'm glad to hear I could help you! Saturday was my 26th birthday so it was a good weekend! The end of my youth though lol.......

Anyway, TC and KUTGW!

DL

Happy Birthday, Desert Lion!

Chaim - I'd say, the issue isn't Hashem right now. It's you. Do you feel like you need to be clean?

For me, I hit a point where I realized that acting out was killing me. And so, I had to stop.

Hey SilentBattle,

Thanks!

To Chaim:

I completely agree with Silent; it's all about hitting bottom whilst still on top. Unfortunately, I've hit rock bottom before and I keep on thinking to myself how much UNNECESSARY suffering could have been avoided had I known the truth earlier.

Why do we have to go through hell before we admit there's an easier, but not easy way?

BW,

DL 

Thank you to Everybody!

I guess you are all right. I also feel that the path I had taken was killing me, at least inside.

What I've noticed is that Desert Lion's suggestion works indeed. I've used it again a few times and now I've been clean for 14 days and it feels really great.  It's so simple and so effective... I had never thought about it before :-)))

And also the 90 days wall for me is much fun. I don't know why but I feel a little bit like playing at video games. Any time I add a new clean day I am so excited about the struggle for the next day and the possibility of winning! It has awaken in my the competitive instinct I had completely lost with self-sex.

Thank you to all of you.

May all of us feel that G-d is always keeping on helping us if we want to be helped!

C.