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Every one here is crazy thats why we need the chevrah together a little sanity.

I share your pain. I know the feeling. I had to restart after 113 days.

Have you met the Great Rebbe Reb Bardichev yet? He is one of the Greatest Gye Guys around. See this post in Bardichev's Battle. He gracefully stood up after almost an entire year clean!

See his post describing his fall; see the post from the chevra giving chizuk & encouragement.

It is doable.

YOU can do it too!

kadosh wrote on 30 Dec 2010 22:09:


a gita vuch my fellow brother

i myself had a fall after 32 days of being clean (for me its a record)
so i decided to do something about it, and yes i did

i joined the forum since then (11 days) i'm clean in every way (but machshuvah)

so just keep on posting it will help you so much

i'll end up with a bruchah: you should be zochah to never feel the pain of a fall again in your lifeime. mit inz ala tsuzamen

with much success
your brother

  You wrote "I am not even sure why i am writing this..."I'll answer that question for you. . This post was and is a call for help. Its your soal crying out "set me free"! Set me free from this terrible Yetzer Horah, its too much for me to handle. You should know that the fact that you posted this is a step in the right direction. If you didn't care what you did, you wouldn't have posted this post. Think, if you really didn't want to escape its clutches, would you have written this?
  I quote "I am so confused..."
    Well, aren't we all? We live in a world where we are in a constant fight. Our "guf" physicality pulls us to Gashmiyus-physical pleasure and our soul pulls us towards Ruchniyus-spirituality. And now you, and I, and all of us are stuck in the clutches of the Yetzer Harah. The Seforim write how when we sin we empower the Y"H to take a stronger hold of us. We lower our "Nekudos Hobichirah". But, we also know that as long as we are alive we can do tshuva. How is this so? Its because HKBH never allows the YH to grab hold of us entirely. Even King Minashe who did every type of Aveirah (Avodah Zurah Giluy Arayus and Shfichas Dumim) and only did tshuvah bec he was about to be burnt alive was still able (and succeaded) to do tshuva. 
  So, we are confused. We are confused because we have two voices inside. We have the strong voice of the yetzer huruh who already has us in his clutches, telling us to enjoy life and not worry about the future. And then, then we have the voice of the Yetzer Tov. The small shallow voice of the Yetzer tov. He barely can be heard quashed under the power of the Yetzer Hurah. In a small voice he says NO. No, dont listen to the YH. He doesn't really care for you. All he wants is to destroy you. Worry about the future. Be strong. So we are confused. We have an internal conflict pushing us in two different directions.
  But, you know what you really want. How do I know? I know because you made yourself ubundently clear. You posted on the forum. You posted a cry of help, of desperation. "I'm entrapped, set me free."
  And because of this, there is hope. Because you are still calling there is hope. How do I know? I know because if King Menashe could have hope, then we DEFINITELY can. If king Menashe who was so low that the malachim closed up heaven to his cries of tsuvah can be helped, we foreshore can.
    If you weren't calling for help there would still be hope, but now that you are calling out, there is so much more.
    And YOU CAN DO IT. I know this because I've read stories on this forum. Stories of people who were so much lower then you. The YH had a much stronger grip on them then on you, and they escaped his grasp.
  So get up and fight YOU CAN DO IT AND WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU. We are all watching your back. We delight in your gains and feel your pain in cv your falls.
  HATZLOCHA RABBAH

jewishfaker wow wow so well written every single word applies to me as well
thanks

I"m posting here for one reason and yes its a deep cry from the bottom of my heart help me help me

i cant do it alone anymore
and i must tell you that together i'm so far really free thats all i need to be a free man

although i've set a record of 32 days before but i really think in the current 12 days that im clean i'v accommplished much more (i keep on saying, its much more than i'm staying clean, i'm free)

so all my brothers here do yourself a big favor and join the forum
nothing helped me as much as joining the forum
come on!!! join the greatest group of people... anywhere