Hi Everyone

I've got two issues to ask our holy members for advice. The first one is our addiction and the second is family issue that is getting quite bad. I can generally stay clean from p**n during the week. I have changed the place where I study and am now studying at a public library. I am also using an old laptop with a K9 filter at this library so I am not tempted to go onto harmful sites. It has been a HUGE relief for me. However on Sundays, I fall as my cellphone is with me and I waste credit looking at that trash. If my mother knew, wow that woul be embarassing. I need to buy a new phone which does not have the internet on it. I must try do it by the end of the week. The thing I hate about this addiction, is it costs money. It costs money with regards to filters, psychologists and also giving in to the Yetser. This addiction is not free. I wastes time, money and sleep. I guess I must let go and Let G-d. I wish I knew how to do that.

Anyways, this Sunday was particularly bad. My sister is having such bad marital issues with her husband. My mother and I are really hurting over it. I was always desperate for her marriage to work and now in order to save myself from the anxiety of worrying about it, I have come to the entirely probable conclusion that it is over. Sometimes I just wish they would just end it. My sister cries about it all the time. She is really suffering from it. How do I deal with it? waste myself on that silly phone or just get upset. Weekends have become exhausting and on mondays I feel exhausted when I should feel refreshed. My brother in law seems to think that the more he hammers her to acknowledge that he is right, she will eventually budge. It just makes her more upset and more determined to stick to her resolve. If any of you have mothers in law who do not like you or would like to wish you away then I really feel for you. Just remember that when you get married, your wife takes priority over everyone else especially your parents.

When one thing doesn't work in life, the whole thing goes tumbling down! 

bs"d

Dear Ilan,

my heart breaks when i read this post. I will try to keep you in my prayers, and i hope that the tzaddikim on this forum will give you good advice. I am happy to hear that you found a study place that prevents you from seeing shmutz, that is wonderful. And i wish you hatzlacha rabba with changing your phone (hopefully that is not a difficult thing to do). I must say that one thing in particular worried me in your post:

Ilan wrote on 20 Jul 2009 09:33:


do you mean he beats her physically?

Ilan, kol hakavod on wanting to get rid of the phone. That is a VERY IMPORTANT step.

As far as the other issues, it is well known that R.I.D causes the addiction. RID stands for Resentment, Irritability and Discontent. Ma Betza Bidami Be-R.I.D'-ti el Shachas :-)

The 12-Steps can help you learn how to deal with these emotions in a healthy way. Join Duvid Chaim's phone group.

This is your LIFE we are talking about here.

No he does not beat her G-d forbid. He just is very argumentative

Ilan,

What a pain filled post. My heart really goes out to everyone involved.

Your letter is such a clear reminder to me that a persons actions affect so many people beyond our immediate selves. Like a pebble in the water, the ripples spread in an ever widening circle. Those closest to the 'splash' are affected the most; your sister, brother-in-law, (children?). Next level would be family, then friends, work colleagues etc.

But within every trial are positive lessons to be learnt. I see so clearly how family conscious you are. You care so much about your Mother's opinion regarding your addiction, and your sisters pain touches you deeply. Sometimes it takes hard times like this for us to remember how important certain people are to us.

I see that you have also learnt the bases for a good marriage.


No one asks for pain and hard times, but once Hashem has seen fit to send them anyway, our job is to take the lessons and move forward with them. You will now be a much more sensitive husband when the time comes.

As for the addiction, perhaps thoughts of your sister could be of help in restraining. Each time you wish to view an inappropriate site, try hold back. Talk to Hashem and try make a 'bargain': Hashem, in the merit of me holding back at this moment, please help ease my sister's pain. Perhaps connecting your needs to something larger than yourself will give you that extra burst of energy to restrain

veels geluk