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Where I'm at
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Where I'm at 43424 Views

Re: Where I'm at 27 Jul 2009 21:28 #9881

Uri (JA) wrote on 27 Jul 2009 20:50:

Wow,when i go on this site i feel normal lol.here i am sitting checking the forum endlessly,acutely aware of the fact that my addiction has changed from lust to "guardureyes".im wondering what is wrong with me and that im hopeless.then i see these posts and i realize that i am indeed hopeless.but alone i am not  :D .just kidding.i think kutan the great had it right:its the ahavas yisrael and concern for ones fellow on this site that makes pple happy and succeed in overcoming their tayvas.no mussar.just loving encouragement.if this site doesnt bring the moshiach i dont know what will!


Uri,
Yes, we are addicted to GUI. its the love here. the Torah describes one of the arayos as 'chesed' and the Baal Shem Tov is quoted as explaining that it is the misplaced midah of chesed. The mida is right, but is used in the wrong way. (we are refering to the midah of chesed, not acts of chesed. Chesed means connecting with others).
So all of us are attracted to GUI like bees to honey, because we have flexed our chesed muscles in the past, and here we can do it as well, but the RIGHT way.

And about Mashiach, yes it is for sure, this site will bring Mashiach. The reason he is not here yet is Hashem is enjoying this site sooo much, and when Mashiach comes it will be out of business.

Well, when Mashiach actually comes is Hashem's cheshbon. But, this site is definitely building the landing pad.

Uri, glad to hear we have another day under our belt! Mine still has another 6 hours or so, and I am coming home to a cold dark empty house in the city as my family is in the country (see our beloved Bardichev's post: countryYIKES!!!, that is the best name ever for a thread....and you'll understand) but in your z'chus I am sure that tomorrow I will be with you still, ready for another day.

Thanks, Uri !

Uri, please continue chazering the booklets. I cannot stress how important it is for long term success.

Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: by shiffy.

Re: Where I'm at 27 Jul 2009 23:45 #9897

  • Uri
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Chevra,
another unfortunate night of insomnia.it did give me the chance,though,to read a beautiful peice on eicha by the dubno maggid.
as ive mentioned before,ive visited the kosel alot in the past week or so,and every time ive been there i have broken down crying.i think i cry becuase i dont know what to say to hashem or how to say it.im like a child who just wants his abba to hold him.so he cries.Hear the following short anecdote:

There was a rich man who unfortunately had his business take a turn for the worse and soon found himself barely feeding his family.He noticed one day his son looking exceptionally sad.When asked why,the son explained as follows "tatte,when we had money we had all the best food and lots of it.now all we have is bread.at least give us a decent amount."

this is us.we dont have much left to give Hashem.the beis hamikdash is no longer here.no korbanos nothing.all we have left is our tears.let us not be stingy with them.

"The gates of prayer are locked,but the gates of tears will never be"-gemara brachos
"She cries and cries in the night,with a tear always on her cheek"-megillas eicha

my friends,this is the night.do not be afraid to cry.u have 200-plus shoulders to cry on.-Uri
Last Edit: by sgn135.

Re: Where I'm at 28 Jul 2009 12:33 #9936

  • Uri
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besiyata deshmaya,
day 12.........
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Re: Where I'm at 28 Jul 2009 13:16 #9945

  • chl
bs"d

Great Uri!!! May HaShem give you strength to continue on the path of sobriety!!!
Last Edit: by music211.

Re: Where I'm at 28 Jul 2009 16:06 #9953

  • battleworn
Reb Uri, you can't imagine how much you add to this holy chabura "Bi'asra kadisha hadein". One moment you're posting how impossible your situation seems and then suddenly you show us all how you prevailed. You're giving such a tremendous "lift" to everyone and it's a tremendous zechus.

The y"h knows this very well and you can be sure that he'll put up a good fight. But you have Hashem on your side. Look how in His infinite mercy He brought you here and provided you with the best friends imaginable! עד הנה עזרונו רחמיך ולא עזבונו חסדיך...ואל תטשינו לנצח. Always have bitachon and never slacken up on your histadlus. Always remember how each time you prevail, you give tremendous chizuk to all of us.

On more point. You, like most of us (maybe all of us) are a very passionate person. The y"h has until now directed that passion to lust R"L. Now, as you're breaking free, try to redirect that passion to it's natural direction - to Hashem. Kol hascholos kashos - every time we need to reach a new madreiga we go through a period of "kashos" but when we break through it we become the bigger and better person that we were meant to be. In a short time you'll look in the mirror and you won't recognize yourself.

Keep going higher and higher, CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!!!
Last Edit: by hotham.

Re: Where I'm at 28 Jul 2009 17:14 #9960

  • 7yipol
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GO Uri GO!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
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Re: Where I'm at 28 Jul 2009 18:41 #9974

  • chl
bs"d

what i find amazing about Uri is that he is constantly posting. He is constantly describing his situations, calling out for help - and at the same time giving help and encouragement to others!

yesher koach!
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Re: Where I'm at 28 Jul 2009 18:59 #9977

  • battleworn
Hashem also consideres it amazing! And he says חזו בני חביבי. This is the true meaning of ישראל אשר בך אתפאר!!
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Re: Where I'm at 28 Jul 2009 19:18 #9980

  • Eye.nonymous
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I once heard something that comes to mind now:


God loves the biggest rasha even more than we love the biggest tzadik!

And, even with one hirhur of teshuva, a person may already qualify as a tzadik.

(If a rasha marries a women on condition he's a tzadik, the marriage is binding--perhaps he had a hirhur of teshuva!)

We can't fathom how much God loves us!  No matter where we are holding.  And, especially when we're trying to face the right direction. 
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Re: Where I'm at 28 Jul 2009 21:41 #10000

Eye.nonymous wrote on 28 Jul 2009 19:18:


We can't fathom how much God loves us!  No matter where we are holding.  And, especially when we're trying to face the right direction. 



Its of course true we can't fathom.

But we can get a glimpse.
If you were zoche to children... the feeling you have to them.
And especially the 'favorite' one of the bunch (who, me, favorites???! ), the one you just love to watch... it really does not matter what he does, you just love him.
Of course, we discipline, and sometimes are hardest on those, because it hurts us the most.
But we never stop loving him.

kutan
Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: by SheretzBiyado.

Re: Where I'm at 28 Jul 2009 21:59 #10002

  • Uri
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My beautiful friends,
i am exhausted.thank G-d.i dont think ill have a prob sleeping tonight with G-d's help.I picked up tonight and headed to the kosel,as i have been doing alot lately.i took my younger brother with me.unfortunately there was no parking,so we had to park in and walk through mamila(new shopping center outside the old city with free parking)(ouch  :-\).after walking through the old city which is always a mixture of emotions we got to the kosel.i walked up to the wall and i touched the familiar stones which i have visited so often in my recent quest for G-d.the stones smiled a sad smile at me.back again?youve been around alot lately.we dont mind though.weve been lonely for so long.my friends,do u know what loneliness is?the kosel does.and i cried.im really not a cryer;but i cried.i cried for myself.i cried for klal yisrael,with all the lost neshamas.and i cried for the kosel.ad mosai must we pain Hashem!?Our people know pain all too well that it doesnt even faze us anymore.my brother walked up to me and looked questioningly at my face.i told him"david.go daven that the beis hamikdash will be rebuilt"and i told him the following vort that i though up this morning learning the sedra.

Rashi says that Moshe used the lashon of chanun becuase it shows the requests for a matnas chinam-a free gift.Moshe said "hashem.this is what i want,but dont let it detract from my schar.let it be free".and rashi goes on to say that all tzaddikim daven in this fashion,even though they have many merits.My question is simple and unoriginal:if Moish wanted this so bad to enter the land,throw in some schar on the deal.why davka a free present?arent u more likely to get it otherwise??
I had an insight,chevra.Its not that these tzaddikim ask for presents even though they have alot of merit.Its that they are tzaddikim because they ask for presents.
Meaning:some pple deal with hashem on a businesslike level.listen G-d,you know the drill.i daven 3 times a day,learn a shtickle,give some charity.You provide me with money and health.Deal?
But tzaddikim know that Hashem is their father.He doesnt want deals.He wants to give.Hes the ultimate giver.Anyone who asks:gets.He is waiting to shower us with blessings.we have the key to His treasury.we only have to open it.God is close to all those who seek Him.
My friends,dont say to yourselves:why should Hashem help me?i havent done anything good for him lately. He is your Daddy.His greatest pleasure is to give you everything and see that youre happy.Dont be afraid to ask   -Uri
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Re: Where I'm at 28 Jul 2009 22:14 #10005

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I think I've been tricked.

How old did you say you are Uri? I get the feeling I'm listening to insights of one far older and wiser than I...
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by Bruce Bhebhe.

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 02:56 #10021

:o
Wow Uri.
that was GREAT.
I'm saying it over by the Shabbos table iyh.
kutan
Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
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Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 06:59 #10039

  • chl
bs"d

Uri,

absolutely beautiful and inspiring!!! Thank You!
Last Edit: by DeletedUser2996.

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 07:42 #10048

  • TrYiNg
chl- I second that :D :D
Last Edit: by anewjew.
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