7up, I'm glad we are on the same team.
you do put things down well.
I guess that's what you were busy with... I was wondering where you were at... figured you probably went hunting for the bbq in North Dakota.
k

I was, but by the time I got there, it was over. Gam zu l'tova - as the 'mom', I probably would have had to do all the cooking. Some vacation > :D

Uri,
I just want to repeat what everyone here has said. Your post amazes me. You have not lost the fight at all, your decision to win has already doomed the Yh. Just keep up the good fight and I am sure you will emerge victorious.

Chazak  V'ematz

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Hi Rebbi Uri, (If Rebbi Eliezer Ben Durdai can be called Rebbi, then you are a Gadol Shebigdolim)

When Moshe first saw the Sneh (burning bush), he didn't understand why the bush was not being consumed. When Hashem saw that he was coming closer to look, he told him to take off his shoes because he was standing on holy ground.

My Tanya Rebbi explained this as having to do with a person struggling with his Tayvos. The Y"H keeps burning but the bush is not destroyed. When a person is struggling, they might think that their Neshamos are being destroyed. But if they take a closer look, the bush is untainted - it isn't even blackened by smoke. Your Neshama is as clean as it was before the fire started, it is all an allusion that the Y"H has concocted for you so you should give up and be his best friend for life.

Take off your shoes - dump the Y"H, because your struggle is nothing less than holy ground. No - the holiest of the holy. Use your fall to propell you to greater heights. Know that while you were struggling, every time you said "no" the Shechina soared on high and was receiving tremendous bounty from the OHR AIN Sof.

Now when you dust yourself off and start the climb again, be assured that you will shlep many others out of the mud with you.

There is a complex thought that I want to share with you. I wrote this in a post once before, and not all the Chevra agreed, but this is what is stated in Breslover Chasidus and Rav Tzadok and many other seforim. Before you fall, the choice is yours. You have Bechira. But once you sin, you have to believe with all your heart that you were destined to sin. You had no choice - this was the Ratzon Hashem. He wanted you to fall so you can come closer to him through your fall. Think about it. Can you do anything that Hashem doesn't want you to do? Can any of us do anything that Hashem doesn't want us to do. The answer is no. This is hard to digest but after reading your posts I am confident that you can internalize this.

As a Yankee Fan, you know it is important to know the score and what to do next. The score is 18-1 Uri is on top. You are now up to bat again and if you want to score more runs, you have to keep your eye on the ball. The ball is not your past failures, how many women you had relationships with, how many times you were with them, looked at p..n, Mast...... etc... The ball is how many times you succeeded, how many times you were able to cry at the Kosel, how many of your brothers and sisters in this forum you have been giving Chizuk, how much Shefa you have showered on this world as a result of your struggles, victories - including your one setback.

You said you are lonely. You are not alone. The only thing about you that is lonely is your lonely friend the Y"H. Leave him alone and keep posting to your friends on GYE.

There are things that you cannot control - especially your situation at home. If there is any way that you can limit your time at home.....

Next time you feel that you are ready to stumble, call some of the Chevra that have given you their numbers. Or do what Yosef Hatzadik did - run out of the house. Buy a pair of escape sneakers and run to the Kosel. How lucky you are to be near the Kosel!

The reason why I am Pintele Yid is specifically because of giants like you on the forum.

If there is anything I can do to help please let me know. I am in Chutz Laaretz so we can't meet but we can always talk.

With everlasting admiration.

Pintele Yid

Thank you so much everybody for your beautiful posts.
I have much to say but I am flat out exhausted.
Tommorow with G-ds help I shall be back with posts,a vort or two,responses,etc.
You guys are keeping me (emotionally) alive.Thank you-Uri 

Pintele,

Your post was beautiful.
I love the vort about the sneh. I never thought about it like that before, but now that you have opened my eyes and heart to the idea, I feel it to be  the most basic of concepts. This is one I hope to carry with me for life. Thank you.

Uri, in your zchus Pintele wrote that, so in your zchus I gained that inspiring insight.
PIntele got it from his Rebbe, who probably got it from his Rebbe.
Isnt it an amazing concept that by little me feeling the emes, so many people will be given credit in Shamayim - Uri - Pintele - Pintele's Rebbe - his Rebbe's Rebbe - etc - etc -etc!

My very precious friends,
I am sorry that my posts have been erratic of late.First,as you know,I was fighting a tough battle emotional and physical battle against my evil counterpart.Then I was exhausted as I finally gave in.And yesterday my post/story wiped me out.
Yes I know what you older folks will say:"Uri,its not good to be always so tired at your age.Its not healthy.When I was your age I would walk from Flatbush to the Lower East Side and back and still have energy to knit scarfs for the soldiers overseas/go watch the Dodgers game"
In all seriousness though,my emotions have taken a large toll on my physical well-being.Why just yesterday I started feeling some inflamation in my left leg.It woke me up this morning at around 5 feeling even more painful, and I couldnt get back to sleep.So at around 6 i gave up and started to walk down to shul.Chevra,every step was painful.At first I was gonna return home.But I realized I could most dfinetly use the schar and good will towards me in Heaven right now.But focus on schar is not the way to go,as we all know.So I put a different picture in my mind.I imagined all of the heavenly hosts stopping whatever they were doing,and looking down on me as I walked to shul,a grimace on my face.But under the grimace was a smile,for I was all too proud.
Why am I telling you this?Because that was not my imagination.I have no doubt in my mind that every struggle and pain we have in our devoted service of G-d causes a tremendous stir in the heavens.
By far my most meaningful shacharis in a long time.
Love-Uri

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Uri, Not only are the malachim smiling when they see you.

NOw go to a doctor and get that leg checked out!

I know this belongs in the bais but i feel it is too connected to my struggle to not post here also.
I was studying this week's sedra,searching for meaning in my life and struggles as I often do,when I came across a most unusual pasuk.Moshe is speaking to Klal Yisrael telling them not be afraid of entering the land,and that their enemies will fall easily under their swords,when he says the following:
"And Hashem will banish the nations from before you gradually.You shall not destroy them speedily lest the wild animals become too numerous for you"
Rashi asks the obvious question "Dude,the hand of G-d is leading them through giants and powerful armies,and they should be scared of a couple lions?Surely there is nothing to be afraid of as long as they do Hashem's will?!"Rashi answers that it was revealed to Moshe that they would sin.
WO!One second!Moshe Rabbeinu?Our loving defender?Just telling us "yea you guys wont make it"??Where's the faith?"Yea,you guys are gonna fall".This is not the picture I've had of him until now.
My friends,I remember the first time I went skiing with my friend.He said to me "Uri,I'm just warning you.You're gonna fall a heck of a lot.I remember looking at him a little hurt.He noticed and told me "doesn't mean you arent athletic or anything.Everyone falls in the begining,no matter how athletic and talented they are.If you don't fall,that means you are not really skiing.Don't be afraid to fall,or you'll never learn how to really ski."
I told my sister when she started biking "honey,go slow,but even if you do,youre gonna fall.But dont worry.I'm here to make sure you dont get hurt and get up."
Moshe wasn't being cynical,or a pessimist.Chas veshalom!!Moshe was just letting us know:You guys are gonna fall.And youre gonna get up.And youre gonna conquer this land.And youre gonna learn from your falls.And Hashem and His messengers will always be there to help you back up.Have no fear,for fear will only prevent you from reaching your goal.
Falling is just "part of life".Falling is a neccesary and important part of life.
Sorry for that being slightly long.I have the feeling not everyone will be satisfied with my interpretation.I am sorry.With love and respect for the brave warriors here-Uri 

mom i know : !!   
he said its probably some sort of inflammation.he gave me a prescription for anti-inflammation pills and im taking an x-ray later.

Uri,

Your vort fits PERFECTLY with what I wrote on tRyInGs thread yesterday. To be honest, I wasnt 100% sure if I was correct, but you have just provided the source. Thanks!

I wrote that we are making the mistake of dumping the addicton without replacing it with something healthy to fill the 'hole' - allowing the wild animals to take over before we are able to utilize the conquered territory correctly.

There is also much written about learning how to fall. We should combine these posts so they can be even more powerful in completion.


Refuah sheleima for your leg. Let us know what the x-ray shows. iyH nothing out the norm.

Thanks mom ill keep you posted (get it?posted?)

Anyway i put a couple of vorts in the beis.check them out if youre interested and have the time

-your son,Uri

p.s. kibbud av vaaim is way easier on the internet.cant wait till i move out and buy a laptop  ;D ;D

Uri, Ive missed your smile. Welcome back

I'm off to the beis. Hope the mechitza's in place so I can sneak in without desturbing all those in there learning.

I posted more on tRyInGs thread which connects to your vort etc