dear friends,
weekends are the hardest as well all know.friday is stressful,shabbos can be difficult,and sat night is often torture.i got off to a bad start already by oversleeping thjis morning.i woke up,realized i missed minyan,felt depressed,turned over to go back to sleep,and found myself fantasizing like theres no tommorow.its just comforting,you know?i just felt much better all of a sudden.and friends,let me tell you it was so so hard to pull myself out of that warm comforting fantasy.the one where there was no tension,no depression,just a couple enjoying themselves.but i knew i had to,or there would be no end.so i got up and davened.
my house is not such a happy place.my father is emotionally abusive.my mother suffers from anxiety and depression.people aerent happy with each other.thats what makes my fantasies so appealing.its not jsut abot the sex.its about the love.the comfort.thats what makes this struggle so difficult sometimes.
but on a more positive note,day 15
-Uri