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Where I'm at
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Where I'm at 43422 Views

Re: Where I'm at 30 Jul 2009 20:32 #10192

  • 7yipol
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What a hug Hashem is giving you Uri, that you feel this freedom already!

While it is true that the path may still have bumps along the way, what you have accomplished until now, and the deveikus to Hashem that you are feeling will always remain a part of you. Very few are able to remain on the 'high' but once you've experianced it once; it's yours forever. NO one will ever be able to take that away from you.

As for your quote
or**** is good for headaches.shkoyach

- in your case it's garuanteed - it will be good for creating one all time winner headache :D :D

Just not worth the hassle
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by needhelp.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 05:53 #10227

  • chl
bs"d

Uri,

i am really happy for you! Behatzlacha with your path!
Last Edit: by benmail.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 08:27 #10239

  • Uri
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dear friends,
weekends are the hardest as well all know.friday is stressful,shabbos can be difficult,and sat night is often torture.i got off to a bad start already by oversleeping thjis morning.i woke up,realized i missed minyan,felt depressed,turned over to go back to sleep,and found myself fantasizing like theres no tommorow.its just comforting,you know?i just felt much better all of a sudden.and friends,let me tell you it was so so hard to pull myself out of that warm comforting fantasy.the one where there was no tension,no depression,just a couple enjoying themselves.but i knew i had to,or there would be no end.so i got up and davened.
my house is not such a happy place.my father is emotionally abusive.my mother suffers from anxiety and depression.people aerent happy with each other.thats what makes my fantasies so appealing.its not jsut abot the sex.its about the love.the comfort.thats what makes this struggle so difficult sometimes.
but on a more positive note,day 15   -Uri
Last Edit: by NishtAlein.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 08:41 #10244

  • Tomim2B
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Last Edit: 08 Jan 2010 12:28 by radiantotter00.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 09:13 #10251

  • 7yipol
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Dear Uri,

Im impressed you got up to daven, even if you missed minyan. You still won.

Unhappy homes are breeding grounds for addictions of all sorts. The emotional neediness makes us all susceptible to anything which will 'bandaid' the pain for even a few seconds at a time.
That is what makes GYE so important in our lives - a family who really care, encourage and love unconditionally.

Uri, think about your fantasy couple: Are they a happily married couple? My guess is no. Probably, they are young and good looking, enjoying the physical escape without a drop of emotional closeness at all.
Do they know each others names?
Would they recognize each other in a weeks time?
Is there any sense of responsibility to each other?

Emptiness Uri, emptiness!
Someday, Hashem will send you a wonderful girl who will be your eishis chayil and with whom you will build your home the way that you both see fit. Now is the time to build yourself into the person who will be able to sustain that future reality.

Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by Gabe1981.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 09:39 #10255

  • Uri
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7up,
my fantasy wasnt just sexual.there is a lot of love in my fantasies,not just sex bichlal.i desire a comfortable happy home,i cant even express how strong this desire is.im not just a sex addict;im really a love addict.the sex is just an expression of the love/a confusion between that and love.to wake up from this fantasy is depressing.so yea..
Last Edit: by .

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 09:46 #10257

  • 7yipol
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See my PM
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by .

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 13:20 #10275

  • Uri
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Chevra,
i am feeling very tense and exasperated at the moment.fridays not such a good day in my book.everyones yelling and i am stressed.i am sensitive to stress and do not react at all well to it.i feel myself slipping into fantasy,at this very moment even.im on the forum as a last desperate cling.please.15 days is too long to see lost.HASHEM cant we just skip friday just this once?
Last Edit: by Yummi.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 13:36 #10278

  • Tomim2B
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Last Edit: 08 Jan 2010 12:43 by livelyrabbit58.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 13:46 #10280

  • Uri
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thank you so mcuh for responding tomim.im really stressed right now,i cant really think straight.i opened up the 90 day chart and stared at my name feeling pride as it showed my battle until now.but im still sorely tempted.baths are not the thing for me right now.chillin in the hot water will def. free me to thoughts.i dont want to chill,thats the problem.ironic but not funny 
Last Edit: by .

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 13:52 #10282

  • Tomim2B
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Last Edit: 08 Jan 2010 12:48 by sirprize.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 13:57 #10284

  • Tomim2B
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Last Edit: 08 Jan 2010 12:56 by bookie52.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 14:46 #10291

  • Uri
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no pepper and i tried to do jumping hjacks in my room but i have no energy.i only have one thing on my mind.
to make it worse my really frum friend is coming for shabbos and hes very perceptive and not so accpeting(long story) and he just walked in.gotta go...
Last Edit: by benjyboy613.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 14:54 #10292

  • the.guard
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URI, we're with you! Read your last beautiful post again and again:

Chevra,as i approach the end of day 14 iy'h,i look back at the last 2 weeks and smile  .ok,now i am crying(slightly embarrasing as my little sister is standing near me watching me).i am starting to breathe fresh air again.my emotions arent all soiled.im starting to feel truly relaxed and content for the first time in what seems like forever.i know it sounds like im way overdoing it,but im feel the disease starting to loosen its hold on me.again,maybe im imagining this,but i feel that im statrting to break the addiction,and i feel very free.i now am starting to imagine a life with no pressure for lust.a life in the here and now,not in fantasy.i life without constant fear.a life without constant shame.im like a blind person who cant see fully yet,but is introduced to the idea of sight bichlal.in only 2 weeks.imagine 90 days!imagine a year!thank you Hashem for giving me the opportunity i never thought i would have,and for making it so much more geshmak than i dreamt it would be.may You give me the strength to not just have a peek,but to have the full thing-the gift called life.i know im seriously overdoing it,but this is how i feel at the moment.tisha b'av was a time of reflection for me.the past 2 weeks of sobriety are the first 2 weeks of my life.with a heart overflowing with love-Uri
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by Chuckaddicted.

Re: Where I'm at 31 Jul 2009 14:59 #10293

  • 7yipol
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Were davening for you Uri.

No one here is giving up on you. Now dont give up  on yourself!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by nogonogo.
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