Shalom to all,
I want to post a few things that are on my mind,so here goes...
I did not come here to fix my lust addiction.
I came here to fix my life.
Uri wrote on 16 Jul 2009 19:45:
After several years of therapy i have recently come to the realization that basically all of my "major" issues have come from this place.I have major issues in getting close to people and keeping friends once i feel that they know me too well.
The sex was just another part of it all.
And it was the most intimate part,and it took me the deepest into myself.
So I figured that if I fix it,I will be very far down the way of recovery.
I now know that this idea was 100% true.
I suffer from many things:
Depression,anxiety,indecisiveness,to name a few...
Now I am going through the process of rebuilding myself and I've been feeling these things pretty strongly at times,but overall I feel myself changing,shifting perspective,and getting stronger,baruch Hashem.
Depression has played a huge part in (ruining) my life for as long as I can remember.
Last night I realized something.
I have 3 basic insecurities:
1)My insecurity about depression
2)My insecurity about being a smoker (low-class/lacks control of self)
3)My insecurity about being insecure
I have been taught 2 basic ideas about depression from my parents:
1)People don't like depressed people
2)If you are depressed,it means you have a bad atitude or did something wrong
I have thus chosen to hide in my shell whenever I feel a bout of depression coming on.
I disconnect from my life and the world.
And then I get really depressed.
My parents are wrong.
People have moods.
Sometimes you are happy.Sometimes you are sad.
Mostly you are in between.
And pretty much everyone understands that.
If I can work on not panicking every time I get depressed,my depression can more probably stay within reason.
Depression is okay It happens.
It's not our fault (or very rarely is).
I will not let these stupid inherited notions stop me from living.
I will smile through it all.
Depression is in Hashem's hands.
What I do without is in my hands.
Chag Sameach
-uri