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Where I'm at
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Where I'm at 43423 Views

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 07:49 #10050

  • Uri
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im gonna stop posting if i keep getting these ridiculous praises.im not a rabbi.im not guard.and im not 7up.Im a 20 year old sex addict trying to recover.im embarassed by these comments.
no harm done  but really.... -uri
p.s. comments are good though.keep posting  ;D
Last Edit: by butigetupagain.

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 08:00 #10053

  • Uri
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I want to thank you TrYing for helping me to realize that i cannot become complacent just because i feel clean.im on day 13 now and i dont want to lose it.things have been going pretty smooth that last day or so,b'h.im trying to keep my life in the correct perspective which is proving to be quite difficult not knowing which moods and such are withdrawal symptoms.but thank G-d i have davening which usually seems to clear my head.
on the subject of davening,ive noticed that im not alone on this site with problems of concentration.many of us have trouble facing G-d,and some of us just cant focus with all the stuff on our minds.I have always been very ashamed of myself when i space in and find myself by Modim.pull myself together and slip off again halfway through the bracha.thats my experience of davening:5 second spurts of concentration.i space in and realize and say to myself "G-d must be ticked off right now".But i say to myself G-d loves me no matter what.Thats my usual experience.
This morning during shmone esrei i had an amazing insight.i remembered watching a brother of mine who has adhd a week ago.this kid mamesh cannot sit still.hes all over the place,detroying everything in his way.anyway,i convinced him to try to learn a little chumash in return for a prize.The sight made me almost cry.my brother was clearly fighting an intense struggle to keep himself in his chair.hed say a few words,space out,and force himself back in a bit later.over and over.i could see it was torture for him.did i yell at him for spacing out???Heck NO!!!i was impressed and moved beyond belief.every word was a victory.
My beautiful friends,Hashem does not love us despite our struggles and falls,whether in davening or in sexual matters and such.Our Tatte in Shamayim loves us BECAUSE of our struggles.he watches us as i watched my brother that day.he sees us come into davening determined.he sees us fall,and he sees us giving it our all to concentrate a bit more,only to fall again a minute later.The same certainly applies to our struggle here.Imagine yourself in G-d's place.Is there anything more touching?With love-Uri
Last Edit: by imanaddict.

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 08:05 #10054

  • TrYiNg
Hey, B FAIR!

I'm also a " 20 year old sex addict TrYiNg to recover" and you also post in my thread "ridiculous praises". We're just trying to get even

You really do post as if you're 40 years old, though. ( had to get at least another one in...)
Last Edit: by Albanyparkcl.

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 08:31 #10070

  • Uri
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Mom,tell trying to go to sleep!its way past her bedtime 
Last Edit: by good man.

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 08:39 #10073

  • TrYiNg
such a tattletale.................
Last Edit: by hitheresam.

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 08:43 #10075

  • 7yipol
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Uri,

Your insight via your brother shows maturity. Taking everyday situations and being able to connect them to the 'bigger picture' is what helps us elevate the mundane, and bring kedusha in to everything.

The nicst part about all the praise we shower on each other, is that its all meant sincerely. No empty fawning here at GYE



...Now stop arguing kids, and start cleaning your rooms. iyH we are expecting a special guest tomorrow and all must be spick and span! Mashiach deserves the best of welcomes!!!! :D :D
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by .

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 08:46 #10076

  • TrYiNg
oooh... my heart skipped a beat there.

(but if he comes, I'll be sooo embarrased. I'm only up to day 1... :-\)
Last Edit: by godswrath.

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 08:49 #10077

  • 7yipol
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I'm only up to day 1.


Not "only up to day 1". Already on to day 2!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by needtostop.

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 13:23 #10102

  • Uri
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Friends,i just got up from my nap and i had the most awful dream.in my dream i broke my streak  :'( it was so scary and sad.but the weird thing is that afterwards i called my friends together to tell them about it.the dream/nightmare ended with me heading off to tell them,feeling ashamed but looking forward to the comfort.
im still trying to process that my streak is still alive and healthy.dreams are very real.
what this dream shows,though,is partly why pple become addicted to this site.our addictions are a source of shame and secrecy for all of us.for some of us,90% of our thoughts during the day cannot be shared!but here we have the forum,where we can put everything out on the table with pple who care and sympathize with us.and sometimes its a shock for us to find out;really were not such bad people afer all.under the pain and shame is Godliness waiting to come out wishing all here a most meaningful(and not so difficult)fast.LOVE-Uri
Last Edit: by reefdaadush.

Re: Where I'm at 29 Jul 2009 17:59 #10124

  • Efshar Letaken
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Uri Uri, Sheer Dabeiri!

Here's how I interpret those words.

Uri Deserves for us to Speak His Song/Praise.

You are very inspiring to us all.

I Have Some Good News To Tell You, Moshiachs On His Way!

No He Wont Wait Any Loner He's Comin Any Day!

So Just, Hold On! Just A Little Bit Longer, & Every Word He Promised Will Be, Just Hold On & You'll See.

tRyInG,

Stop singing so loud, I can hear you all the way to my house. Kol B'Isho! lol

E.L.
Last Edit: by LipaBT105.

Re: Where I'm at 30 Jul 2009 06:00 #10159

  • TrYiNg
I was really singing..:D :D :D
Last Edit: by Sonny.

Re: Where I'm at 30 Jul 2009 19:41 #10184

  • Uri
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Chevra,as i approach the end of day 14 iy'h,i look back at the last 2 weeks and smile .ok,now i am crying(slightly embarrasing as my little sister is standing near me watching me).i am starting to breathe fresh air again.my emotions arent all soiled.im starting to feel truly relaxed and content for the first time in what seems like forever.i know it sounds like im way overdoing it,but im feel the disease starting to loosen its hold on me.again,maybe im imagining this,but i feel that im statrting to break the addiction,and i feel very free.i now am starting to imagine a life with no pressure for lust.a life in the here and now,not in fantasy.i life without constant fear.a life without constant shame.im like a blind person who cant see fully yet,but is introduced to the idea of sight bichlal.in only 2 weeks.imagine 90 days!imagine a year!thank you Hashem for giving me the opportunity i never thought i would have,and for making it so much more geshmak than i dreamt it would be.may You give me the strength to not just have a peek,but to have the full thing-the gift called life.i know im seriously overdoing it,but this is how i feel at the moment.tisha b'av was a time of reflection for me.the past 2 weeks of sobriety are the first 2 weeks of my life.with a heart overflowing with love-Uri
Last Edit: by help123.

Re: Where I'm at 30 Jul 2009 19:51 #10187

  • Uri
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Let me clarify that.
i am far from breaking this addiction.its very possible ill still have a bunch of falls.in fact,even right now i feel a tayva(cause im not feeling so well,another big trigger on my list.i think the gemara says that or**** is good for headaches.shkoyach).
anyway,what im trying to say is that my head is only now for the first time poking out of the water and it feels great and hopefully it will motivate me to conquer this full.until then..one day at a time.-uri
Last Edit: by Ruchy.

Re: Where I'm at 30 Jul 2009 20:07 #10190

Uri
this is the way life works. Hashem gives us a taste, then lets go, and asks us then to work for it. the work is hard, as we were hoping the taste stage would stay forever... but ultimately it leads to real success.

Learnt this from R' Akiva Tatz, this is one of his big themes.

www.simpletoremember.com/authors/a/rabbi-akiva-tatz/

examples all over chumash. krias yam suf and then 49 days to shavuous. First luchos broke, the second was made by man. The beis hamikdash, first was heavenly, second a hollow shell in comparison, and the third will be awesome.

childhood, adolescence and maturity are another example.

And of course the romance of meeting your kala, it can never last, its only a taste of what marriage can be like if YOU WORK ON IT!!!!

so anyway, please don't be terribly disappointed if you might have hard times still. this would then be a taste and the hard times not a setback but the nature of the world.

Very important point to keep in mind for your whole life!!!

kutan


Rashi, Breishis (10:25)
Last Edit: by moshiachnow.

Re: Where I'm at 30 Jul 2009 20:15 #10191

  • Uri
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yes im very familiar with the concept.rav tatz repeats the idea quite often.i was not dissapointed to find i still have struggles.im still in the early stages,for G-d's sake.i was just commenting on the begining of the redemption.thank you for the reminder though,gadol.im sure there will be bumps ahead.gotta be prepared!
Last Edit: by benblum.
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