A few clarifications:
I do not see my lust problem as a YH issue. No. I see it as a mental disease I have, that I have an allergy to lust desire, and that the entire thing has much more to do with v'nishmartem m'od l'nafshoseichem than it does with lo sasuru acharei l'lavchem v'acharei einichem asher atem zonim achareihem.
Now, these could be glib statement or nice drushos...but for me they are not. I really mean it and actually live this attitude, because I must.
My old way of "gevalt! A girl!" and, "Ahh! It's the YH!" is not only childish for me, but even if you say it is the truth, I respond with this:
That derech, of fighting lust with (what I think is) "yir'as Shomayim" is precisely what got me as messed up as I got in the first place! It's not the p'shat that I tried (what I considered to be) the Torah derech - and it didn't work. Rather, the reality is that what I considered the Torah derech is what made me as sick as I have become! The twisting of the brain, the cheshboinos, the mind games, the rituals to avoid trouble....all twisted me into a treifah beheimah - uneven limbs that did not work to really protect me, anyway.
And now people will tell me all I need to do is try the same "Torah derech" even harder?! To me that is apikorsus. As the Chofetz Chayim used to say, "Being a fool is also ossur." It is asking me to jump into a snake pit - l'Shem Shomayim, of course. I won't do it any more. It doesn't work, and I cannot afford to use schmutz and act out any more. It will destroy my life. It's v'nishmartem m'od lnafshoseichem, not yir'as Shomayim, and not kedusha. Maybe Hashem will grant me kedush, but that is none of my business at all.
Outcomes are 100% up to Him, sei in gashmiyus, sei in ruchniyus. He knows exactly what He is doing, I believe. (That's the 3rd step, BTW.)
The program taught me to start doing what the S'fas Emess said: Hashem has no interest in us being k'doshim. He said what He wants - "v'hyisem k'doshim leilokeichem" - He wants us to be betrothed and set apart for Him! Not to be running after our status as kedoshim - that's just self-serving dressing up in frumkeit. But I am not pas'ling the derech of working on kedusha for kedusha's sake, or seeing lust desire simply as an aveiro. I cannot pas'l it because it apparently works just fine for the average sweet yid! I am only saying that for me, it leads to death.
For me, I get hopelessly twisted into a mud-wrestling match with my lust for the prettiest woman in the class/work area/supermarket/bus, unless I see things is a totally different way:
I am here to help her. Nu, that's a chiddush? What else was I put on this earth for? Not to be of use to Hashem's bru'im? OK, so I notice a beautiful woman - I look away from her because I cannot afford to feed my lust lest it grow and take over my life - and I start to daven for her. Hard. And from the bottom of my heart. For her health - pain of illness is horrifying and I do not wish it on anyone I know. For her family - pain of emptiness and loneliness in life is terrible - pain of lack of Shalom bayis and of hatred in a family is terrible. For her to be protected from making bad mistakes in life. Please potect her from ignoring You, Hashem. Help her know that she is Yours, Your person, with a true, meaningful purpose is life and with an opportunity to know You. Please help her and all of us to not squander that opportunity, the greatest adventure of all in this short life! And include me with "all of us", even though I do not deserve it.
Sometimes I do not have the opportunity to launch into a tefilloh like that, so I at least say as sincerely as He will help me say, "yivorech'cho Hashem." And then be"H I let the image or fantasy go and move on with whatever it is that I was supposed to be busy doing, with His help. If it doesn't go, then I pray more. Sometimes I may ask Him that "whatever good thing I am looking for in the image of that woman, let me find it in You instead, Tatty." Let's face it - we are not evil. That's a different religion that says we are essentially evil, if I am not mistaken. In my (stupid) lusting, I am actually desperate for a feeling, for a warm sweet acceptance, for pleasure, for vitality, for power - all these are from Hashem, and that is what avodah is about: plugging into Hashem. Ani l'Dodi v'Dodi li - elai teshukaso! This is not a just a 'devotional' concept or a 'madreiga', chas veSholom - it is just the plain truth. I am not evil running after lust, just mistaken, That's why it's called a cheit - it is a mistake (thank-you Rav Noach, zt"l). But I digress...
My point is not to throw a tool or gimmick at you for beating the YH. You want to use it that way, fine. No charge. You think the entire idea is stupid - gezunterheit. Yivorech'cho Hashem!
My point is just to illustrate that there is a totally different approach that is alive and well, b"H. Though nothing I wrote here may apply to you in particular, some of us have certainly twisted ourselves into lust machines using their selfish and self-absorbed approach to kedusha and avodas Hashem...I certainly did for many years. I learned it from good people in Yeshivah. It seemed to work for them - but I just got worse.
Ein chavush matir es atzmo mibeis ha'asurim - especially if he insists on using the same behavior patterns and thinking that got him into jail! "I'll try harder! I'll fix up the misconceptions I had before! This time I've got it figured out!"
What hubris I had, to actually think I had the wisdom needed to reinterpret and readjust my approach to Torah, teshuvah and yir'ah from the inside, so that this time, it works! And nobody else really understood me....I had to do it alone, of course. Even when I discovered the steps, I had to work them alone. What a flop that was. The gayvah (and stupidity) was actually incredible. No wonder there was no room for raglei haSh'chinah!
And I could go back there in a minute, c"v, cuz I am an addict.
I feel all this is as plain as the nose on my face.
And there is a way out. And it is breathtakingly beautiful.
Hatzlocha!
