Hi,
I just wanted to say That I have fallen after 2 months and a half, but I am using the tools of the 12 steps and slaa and the fall truly helped me become free in a deeper way. Inow  understand that we have a partnership with Hashem.
I need to do my part and he will do his , for now, I am putting together a wisdom file for my self something a little different than the booklets that they have here not only attitudes but wisdom and meditations...
And when I my trigger reaches panic stage I will first read it. I will post it here in parts
Then I will share my feelings with my group and sponsor.
Finally AT THE NEXT OPPORTUNITY go to a meeting

A lovely poem truly worth the read!

TOUCH OF THE MASTER'S HAND
'Twas battered and scarred and the auctioneer
thought it was scarcely worth his while
to waste time on the old violin, but he held it up with a smile,
"What am I bid, good folk" he cried,
"Who'll start the bidding for me?
A dollar- a dollar-then two, only two?
Two dollars, and who'll make it three? Going for theree- but no.
From the room far back, a gray haired man
came forward and picked the bow.
Then, wiping the dust from the violin
and tightening the loosened strings, he played
a melody pure and sweet as a caroling angel sings.
The music ceased, and the auctioneer,
with a voice that was quiet and low,
said,"Now what am I bid for the old violin?"
And he held it up with the bow.
"A thousand dollars and who'll make it two?
Two thousand dollars, and who'll make it three?
Three thousand once, three thousand twice,
and going and gone," He cried.
The people cheered but some of them cried,
"We do not understand, What changed it's worth?"
Quick came the reply:
"The touch of the Master's hand".
And many a man with a life out of tune,
and battered and scarred with sin,
is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd,
much like this old violin.

Gevaldig!

I was almost able to hear the tune of that Violin in my Imagination!

Nat, thank you so much! That's beautiful!

I fell again unfortunately, but now I know and respect that although their are many important things in life,
in my life the single most important thing is that for today I didn't break my lines.
from now on...BH Hashem help please!
I will first work on the inside recognising my inherent good and working on my connection with G-d then onto the outside.

bs"d

behatzlacha rabba dear Nat!!! it is very inspiring to see how you pick yourself up... and thanks for that poem!

Nat that poem was so beautiful.

Life is like a symphony just like that poem says.

Lion welcome back. Haven't heard from you in months. How is it going?

Nat,

I plan to print out that poem and memorize it.
Beautiful!
Thanks so much for sharing.

I am back again after some big falls I'm trying now to work on  a battle plan, step 5 thats where I"m  at keep coming to this website, keep updating my  emails , more meeetings,
I truly hoe it will all help.
Whats funny now is that after  some of the 12 steps many of my previous triggers aren't there I have some self esteem but I still feel that I am falling like also with reasons like I'm not listening to my hp and following negative patterns.
but still it is strange , this disease is so cunning!!!!
I'ts hard to believe I will ever conquer it....
Thanks for your support
Nati
One thing helps me that I can share this cure with other people nnd maybe it will work for them.

A quote from Stephen Covey, the author of the bestselling "7 Habits of Highly Effective People": "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." Don't be taken aback by slips or even falls. As long as this battle is in your focus, you're headed in the right direction. With time, patience, and persistence you will conquer this.

Every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

2B

That certainly is true but I feel I need just someone I can talk to one on one maybe not specifically a sponsor just someone going through this thing.
I feel that to heck with it I can't do it myself and Hashem works through other people so I'm willing to do the next step just happens to be the fifth:)