Hello friends, last night when saying the brucha b4 lighting the candles, the only thing that interfered my mind was the GYE forum, it hit me so strong that I cried, yes while saying the brucha with my wife & kids around me, tears started flowing down my cheek, I was so thankful to hashem for bailing me outz, just last year @ this time I was still so down the drain and hashem gave me the koach to get a hold @ myself and he grabbed me out of the dumps, & through the half hour while singing I was hit with this emotion again and again, when saying ???? ???? the words had a different meaning than they had in the past, what I picked out of it last night was, that as soon as we realize that hashem is in control and that if we rely only on him, there is nothing to fear of, and by giving it all over to him, we can step on a lion as we say there, and that's what he did to me and to many others here on the forum , we just gotta connect to him in a father/son relationship and not to forget to thank for every little drop of joy he sends our way, in the past chanuka was a very low time for me, going to the mikva b4 candle lighting gave me an opportunity to act out all day long as I knew the mikva will be open l8r and I'll go clean myself (how insane) and I used to sit the half as on needles waiting for it to be over, looking on my watch every 3 minutes, this year b"h it was different didn't rush, took my time to learn a bit while siting @ the mnorah, and I am so thankful to hashem and to all of u for giving me my life back, my message to all of u out there, if there is a strong will , there is a way, yes there is hope