After the greatness of the Yamim hanoraim have passed I no sooner had taken down and put away my sukka when, LO AND BEHOLD, who should show up but my Yetzer Ha Ra!
"How are ya?", he asked, "finished doin your buisness? Done for a while with all of those Mitzvos? Lets go have some fun!" he says to me.
"Well", i thought to myself, "it has been a very tough day and its late at night, everyone is already asleep (AND IT'S MY REALLY GOOD BUDDY, (i felt this, I didn't think it))..." and... we all know the outcome.

I have not yet taken the steps suggested to me by all of you about the phone conference. But I intend to.
Why haven't I done so as of yet? Well its because my GOOD BUDDY keeps telling me that:
It can wait a little while longer
You are too busy today
You are too tired just now
You don't know how to join as the calls are in the US and you live in Israel
It's too expensive to make the phone call

Do you know any others?

Well at this point my most difficult task is finding the way to CHANGE MY FEELINGS ABOUT MY "GOOD BUDDY", because he's not!
The truth is he is my WORST ENEMY and if I could see this for who he is and not only know it but FEEL IT TO BE SO it would make all of the difference in the world.

Well chazal tell us that at the end of days, when haKadosh Baruch Hu will slaughter the Yetzer all of those who actually see it will cry: the (various) tzaddikim will cry out of joy as they will see it as a huge mountain and they will say "How did I ever succeed at conquering that mountain?" whereas the reshaim will see it as A STRAND OF HAIR and they will cry and say "Thats it? Thats all I had to overcome?" and they will cry out of pain and frustration that they couldnt over come it.
I dont say this to "give mussar", I know just how difficult it is to overcome that STRAND OF HAIR when you are addicted to it. I'm saying this for one reason: know your enemy.

when an army goes to battle they (quickly) plan out the method of attack, but they do this based on: who the enemy is? what the enemy territory is? what is the methodology of the enemy? strengths and weaknesses? troop number? etc.
Well from what I've gathered here and from the people who have responded to my posts I see that you are all very battle worn, you know the enemy and you tell me that the 12 steps is the method of attack.

So...............................................

Give me some Chizuk brothers, I'm off to basic training!
Please respond with the following:
How do I dial a call from Israel to join up with one of the phone groups?
Is there a way to do it thorough Skype or Jahjah?

I'm a 97 pound weakling in this area so I'm going to learn to shape up!

You can buy unlimited from skype for about five dollars monthly to call one country example us or israel. Skype is free from one user to another. This paid service allows you to call any phone number. I use it and i am happy with it.

confusing the yetzer as being our good buddy is a very common malady, as far as i can see, read up on the forum and you will see that he considers himself to be many many peoples "special friend". he tells me the same thing. he provides us with some cheap easy fun.

problem is that there is a steep price price tag afterward. try to remember how you feel after the act, how disgusting, futile and shameful it is. read up the stories on this website about the horror stories of wrecked homes, marriages and people who all started after some "fun" with their supposed good buddy. think about it and you will see that it is not what you want.

the more you bring this point home to yourself the better prepared you will be for the next time your "buddy" comes a-knockin'.

AJ: when I hear that you're off to basic training in IDF, I just want to stand and salute you.

Your efforts (that we hope will keep all of Israel safe for Jews) make you a hero. And like most larger-than-life heros, that means you've got a higher role to play. Don't let yourself be seen as a hero with his pants down (quite literally, if you'll forgive me). Be a proud hero and role model for the country. We're looking up to you. We're counting on you. So, live like a hero.

And if that guilt trip doesn't help you stay clean, contact me and I'll send you more!

Briut hi. I think you misunderstood the meaning of my post here. Although I did serve in the IDF many years ago I am not now going to basic training for the country but to learn to fight against my Yetzer Hara.
For a very long time I have felt, concerning my will-power and spiritual strength, that I am a weakling and it is really true. As with most things in life "Use it of Lose it!" is the rule of thumb. I have not had enough cause in my life or reason to use my will=power and therefore my spiritual "muscles", my will-power to resist the Yetzer, are atrophied, weak. I need to learn to say "NO!" to my Yetzer, my WORST ENEMY, (if I say it enough times maybe I'll start to feel it), and according to all I have read here in the forums the way to do that is to follow the "plan of attack" laid out in the twelve steps program.

Like I said : GIVE ME SOME CHIZUK TO START ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY. B"H I'm going to join a phone group and start following the battle plan (if I say this enough times maybe I'll actually do it!).

Off to basic training in EyeDF.

Interesting to see that I'm not the only one that had a battle right after the Yamim hanoraim.
My current thought is that we not only uplift ourself, but our y"h too. It gets us with a new tactic on a new battlefield.

perhaps the start of a new year, a new season (or any other fresh start) needs a refresher.
I pulled out the handbook and started again at the basics, and won a good victory.
Are you with me, soldier?

ToAdd, it's really true you know. I put up a post a little while ago called "Of highs... and Lows..." exactly on this issue.

I heard a shiur yesterday in which the Rov said that because we are all not accustomed to saying "No" to our Yetzer, rather we constantly look for, or are given, kosher substitutes we never actually learn to cope! and even when we say to the Yetzer "no" ... it's so weak and ineffective that we are really just "saving face" by saying it, even though we really dont mean it at all.

An eitzah that was given is that we choose the times during the day in which it is easiest to say no to our Yetzer and decide that - no matter what - during this time, from say 8:00 am to 10:00 am - I wont fall no matter what. even if at those times it is impossible to actually do anything the very fact that we took even the smallest step towards building will-power makes a difference. It's kind of like using one pound wieghts, the effort isnt great - but its the beginning of building muscles.

:-[    >:(  :'(

Its time to pick myself up and move ahead.


I had another fall along with my "good buddy" once again. Its awful knowing that once he comes knocking at the door - we fling it wide open WITHOUT ANY THOUGHT WHATSOEVER AS TO THE CONSEQUENCES!
Thinking is one of those things that we are constantly running away from doing.
I mean this post so far is all about the fact that I KNOW that I have to prepare for possible encounters with the Yetzer and do something about it BEFORE he come's knocking: lock and barricade the door, but most importantly to talk with others about what we are facing! I see that alone there is just no way to deal with this issue. As a group, there is hope.

What do you find yourselves doing when you feel that the Yetzer is coming to "knock at your door"?

if you can identify when the YH is coming that is a great part of the battle.

before he gets in the door, reach out to someone, and/or talk to Hashem, say how there is no way you can do this on your own, you desperately need Hashem's help to pull you through.

reinforce the fact that even though it seems sweet and pleasurable to do whatever it is that caught your fancy, IT IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT. you don't want to ruin your life. you don't want to become a shell of a human being. you don't want to block out the entire world and focus on your pleasure. the road that starts with uninhibited indulgence leads to destruction.

keep picking yourself up and keep on getting back into the ring, that is the key. if he gets you down and you stay down he won. get back up and keep trying. find a different tactic. see what works. read the handbooks.

hatzlocha
zs

Dear Zemiros,
Thanks for the "pick me up". B"H I'm going to try to implement that this evening.
Does anyone else find that the nights are the time that the Yetzer is the strongest? By me its almost exclusive for the Yetzer to be especially strong at night. Probably because the day is behind us and most of the family is already asleep?

In any case I have been told that this issue is the simple understanding of the passuk in mishlei כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם, that a tzadik is a person who even after falling seven CONSECUTIVE falls and is way down there in the dirt... he still gets up and that is what make him a tzadik.
That's one of the most difficult things with the yetzer is that after the fall when we are wallowing in the dirt (after having acted like a behema!) he sits there with us and says "You? after all that you done you still think you can be a tzadik?" and we hear and logic dictates to us that - it's true, we cant change what we've done!
But that's not the case at all! That's what Shlomo HaMelech was  saying! "So you've fallen! so what? Recognize that the difference between the tzadik and the rasha is whether we make the effort to get up and change despite the fall and the mud! Get up (do teshuva), wash yourself off (a soak in the cleansing waters of Torah) and get back on track to tzidkus!

Some of the greatest people in the Tanach are those who fell publically and then picked themself up.
They admitted that they had done wrong and corrected the error.
They had the option to wallow in the dirt, but they wouldn’t be our leaders if they chose the easy way out.

I think the yetzer tries to beat us by making us focus on the problem.
At night, I found that I have nothing else to focus on, so if I’m awake with nothing else to do…
I now have a sefer next to my bed, it really helps.

I also found that what I am thinking of when I go to sleep greatly influences the following day. That’s a big key to breaking the cycle.

ToAdd

ToAdd thank you for your input. I agree, so do chazal who say - concerning david hamelech and his dubious ancestry - that any leader of klal Yosroel who doesnt have skeletons in his closet is not worthy of being king. There is a fantastic tosfos Yom TOv (on the mishna) on the last mishna of kiddushin who brings a great midrash about moshe rabbenu which says - to make a long tosfos short - that Moses was born with all sort of bad middos and shortcomings but he became the great man that he was despite them.
Having said that I dont think, and so say the Torah greats of our generation, that there was ever a generation which had to deal with promiscuity to this degree! once upon atime if someone wanted to find filth they had to seek it out, in our generation its not even "tumah-take out", it's tumah "in your face"!
Having said that it just means that one of the major nisyonot of our generation, especially those of us who have fallen as a result of giving in to this tumah, is to become great ovdei HaShem DESPITE OUR FALLS AND SHORTCOMINGS!

I have to say that all of this forum talk has been extremely helpful. I feel that in some ways it has begun the process of looking at my "good buddy" as something else. not yet my enemy - which he most certainly is - but maybe not as good a buddy as I used to feel he was.

Keep up the great work all and a good shabbos!

Ok! Boy does the Yetzer know how to get to me! I hate that Yetzer haRa! HELP HASHEM! I cant do it without you!

It's almost a year, (10 months) since I first posted this topic. I found it very therapeutic to read through both my original thoughts and compare them to who and what I am today.
I am upset to find that the extent of change concerning my relationship with my "good buddy" has not changed all that much over the last 10 months. Let me make this clear: I am upset, I am not despondent. With HaShem's help (and only with HaShem's help) I will wake up tomorrow to a new day with new possibilities and with a renewed strength.
I agree that what we think about at night before we go to bed has a tremendous impact on our day. But the truth is that any time that we spend thinking about our life, where we are and where we want to, have to, must be is also helpful. The important thing is to think, and think hard and long about what these things mean. I recently started a post on this topic elsewhere - look it up and tell me what you think.
Good buddy... Go to ....!