I am posting here because there's not much else I can do. I was doing great with a telephone sponsor and achieved 62 days sobriety. I was over the moon. Then, a close friend confided in me about a relationship he had fallen into - unfortunately in sordid detail. I crashed down and haven't been able to get up since. This is going back three months. There is no group anywhere near where I live - Jewish or otherwise - and I am really despondent. I know yiush is a terrible word but I cant see a way forward. I have every conceivable filter and WebChaver on my PC but I am always scheming and conniving to get through the blocks. Like a real addict. Although i am really frum, Torahdik and all that, religion just doesnt seem to speak to me at the moment although I was inspired when speaking to an anonymous guy who says that he managed his first year by just pleading with G-d to stop him lusting. Not sure if the cr** is blocking me from G-d or the other way round. I love my wife, I love my kids and I guess I surely love myself. Just why cant i stop then???????? G-d please throw me a line. I wanna go getta life!

What parts of this site have you tried so far?

wow. your post really sounds like a true cry and plea for help. i dont know what to say, but i want you to know that i am here inspired by your cry for help

I think it might be helpful if you talked to a frum recovering addicted. Try these people www.guardureyes.com/GUE/hotline/Hotline.asp

Also send an IM to Dov and ask his advice, he is a very experienced addict.

Hatzlacha and please don't daven to jc

Dear friend (noquitter),

Do you think you are an addict? In other words, are you beaten? I am. I'm an addict who is sober today for a bunch of years and there are many others like me (even many frum ones) who will gladly meet with you on the phone, or preferably in person, to freely and openly share their recovery with you. It all depends on what you are willing to do for your recovery - to 'get a life', as you put it - and if you really feel you 'have had enough' already. I have had enough, b"H, and it sounds like you may have, too. All my love for my wife and innocent children will not stop me from horrifically screwing my life up. You seem to see the same thing, and are shocked. I'm not. I am an addict.

Only I can give up the useless breath-holding-in-the-face-of-temptation and finally reach for the company of other addicts so that I can get the help I need from Hashem. 

Nu. It's very, very hard. It's actually impossible. If you see it that way, then I say there is - possibly for the very first time - hope that you might finally start to get better, by Hashem's Chessed, as many others have, and are, today. Who really needs G-d at all, if they have power? 

Give up on the breath-holding struggle, but not on yourself! You have a life; your wife has a husband; and your children have a father. There is help for you to still save those things.

Great to have your comments. I am going to have to do something soon. Derveil its working on my sobriety for today. I want to put my head down sober tonight BEHP. (Beezras my Higher Power).

Welcome, my friend. I'm glad to hear that you were able to be sober for a long stretch in the past - it shows you that you can do it.

For me, the biggest lie my sickness told me was, "you can't resist this!" The biggest lesson I learned was that - I can. I don't have to listen to that voice!

And you already know that you don't, either, which is a huge step forward.

If Dov is willing to talk to you or meet you in person I would jump at that offer. I would even pay money to travel to meet him. Dov really knows the addiction thing, he was an addict for 25 years, and he knows recovery, he has been in recovery for 13 years. Here is a link for his story www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=176

and here is a collection of his posts
www.guardyoureyes.org/?cat=60

If you want to change I would think about reaching out to Do as soon as you finish reading this.

Hatzlacha Rabba, I am rooting for you.

Thanks for the Chizuk. Have just PM'd Dov. Still sober today - and its later for me than for most of you guys reading this. One day at a time...

Mazal tov on the day. Keep on trucking (we say that here, it means keep up the good work)

woah

holy yid please edit typo in last post. :o

Maybe he should not edit it....

It is important to remember that we are working a Holy struggle, a Godly work!

Moreover, It is God who is doing the work! Illimali Hakadosh Boruch hu ozer lo lo yachul lo!!!

I can't fight with you.  It's cheshvan which comes before NEXT rosh hashono. 

1 day's sobriety BH. It's good and it's G-d!

Was it not worth being born for this one day?