Hi everyone,

I have not posted on here in more then two months, and have hardly been on since either.

When i started on GYE initially my real goal was one thing, to come round to rosh hashonah and yom kippur without feeling like i have been good for a few days/weeks, but really different!!!

Well i kept clean for over 120 days...and then i fell...bounced back a bit but then fell again and again, bh dont think i was as bad as before but fell back to old ways a bit, and then more. i have been better for a few weeks now, but far from clean......now next week is rosh hashonah.....i have tears in my eyes when i think about it.......i have no excuse..no one to blame but myself...im feeling lost yet a bit carefree also which is worrying and upsetting me even more.......


I have two FANTASTIC friends from GYE who have been great and a life saver, but i have let them but more importantly myself down...i really wanted this year to be different.....

OK so i have to look forward, and yes i realise that i need the 12 steps, my hesitation is down to a lot of other commitments i have, but i realise how important it is....

first thing i need to do is filter my ipod, any new programs that filter safari?

my shmiras einayim is out the window...(good pun..just realised) i cant keep my eyes of the legs and chest...i justify that what can be so bad, but of course i know it is...

i am not even sure what i want from this post, but i felt i had to do something....i really want to be different.....

I am not sure you can help, but if you can please do..

I dont want to start the wall of honour again...go back to the bottom, but maybe i should although there is something else holding me back ...not sure what though


good shabbos guys

Many people (GYE forum included) are motivated to improve RH time, and many people also feel nervous about the fact that they have done this before and fallen back, and Hashem will laugh at them this time.
Don't.
That is why Hashem made RH/ YK every year.
Do...
try harder, and try something new. Use your falls to propel you forward into a commitment.
Commit to a phone meeting 4x a week.
Commit to opening EVERY GYE daily email and reading it.
Commit to sending $18 to GYE monthly (whoops.... sorry).
The falls are there to keep us humble, and to keep us working.

Bardichev, kindly add your K.O. T. bit. here...
Thanks!
kutan

Sounds like your ready to take Step 1.




We start to work the 12-Steps and begin recovery when we are ready to come face to face with the realization that we JUST CAN'T DO IT.  When we try everything we know of and it still doesn't work and we are SICK of it.  That is what I needed, to not just verbally admit but deep down in my depths know that on my own I have no chance of EVER getting free of this addiction. 











In my group they give out tokens with differnt sayings on them when a member celebrates a sobriety milestone.  One of them has a picture of a staricase with the line "The elevator is broken, you'll have to take the steps."

If anyone finds out where the elevator is please let me know because the steps are not so easy but for now they are all I got.

Good Shabbos