i masturbate, i know it's wrong but i dont feel bad, i dont feel guilt

since i abandoned my winning streak of nearly 80 days or something I cannot get restarted

no guilt
nothing!

not a bit of it!

and YET.... my wife, she spends her life racked in guilt.  How does she do it?!
Yep I know that's my fault too.... but I still dont feel bad or feel guilt for that either!!!!

Is there anbybody out there who managed to change SOMETHING in their lives that made them feel this masturbation is really truly bad?  or is it just me who thinnks it's no biggie?

5770,

I've been fighting this for years, and I've dealt with the guilt and the self-loathing and all that stuff, but I've never felt happier than when I try to fight the yetzer hara. I have experienced tears of joy when I've overcome the yetzer hara, because I was able to win, with Hashem's help. What gives me true happiness and not the fleeting feeling of happiness is knowing that I'm trying my best to be closer to Hashem. I may fail, and I do many times, but I keep trying because I know I can be better, and I know it will make me truly happy. I'm not saying you should feel guilt and sadness, because then you'll fall back into the cycle, but if you're asking is it truly bad, then I would say yes, because it takes me away from my #1 goal of being closer to Hashem.

Dear 5770,

Are you looking to find more 'healthy guilt'?  (which really can't be called GUILT if it's to be healthy)

Or are you looking to get rid of the unhealthy GUILT? (and replace it with the healthy)

This must be my most imperfect post to date.

I'm so proud of myself.

Go World! 

world wrote on 02 Sep 2010 14:24:


hello - my problem is i feel NO guilt!  I don't feel bad!

if it wasn't for the chaos and heavenly judgements against me (read: no shalom bayis) everything would be fantastic!

What about learning (or reviewing) what the mishna brurah quotes (from the tur I think) in siman of hilchos beis hakisey (siman gimmel?) that the chet hayadua is equivalent to murder.

How about reviewing it 90 times and then get back to me!

R' Bard don't shoot me please. 8)

5770:

I've been reading some of your old posts.  It's amazing that you're here at all - keep it up!

As far as guilt...I don't think it matters much one way or the other whether we feel guilty.  In fact, feeling guilty can bring a whole host of issues along with it to complicate your life.  As I've learned from Dov and proven (to some extent) through my own experience, what seems to work best is to focus purely on your own self-interest (as strange as that sounds to we who are experts at self indulgence). 

This is not about a cosmic struggle between the forces of good and evil, aveiros and teshuvah, being "forgiven" and getting "back into favor" with Hashem, or whatever your favorite metaphor is.  Although it may seem otherwise in the short term, indulging in lust is NOT in your self-interest.  It can kill and destroy a life, not to mention the lives of others. 

The way I think about it is, I have a beautiful family, a loving wife and amazing kids.  A job, a nice house, a Rov, a community.  Parnassah, good health and many other blessings in my life.  I didn't earn any of it, but He gave it me and I can keep it for as long as He allows me to.  OR, I can indulge in lust and literally lose it all.  I will lose a connection with my wife, not be there for my kids, forget a relationship with a Rov, friends, a community, etc, and likely lose my job and house.  I can also get diseases, both physical and mental.  I would lose this world, not to mention the next.  Now why IN THE WORLD would I (you) want to do that?????  So it's about self interest, nothing else.

why should i shoot you?

i drive a truck

i have no weapons

i am a lover of all yidden

I'll have vanilla please.

Best regards.

averos you make teshuva on because you KNOW it's wrong, as opposed to ones you feel are wrong, that teshuva is greater.  You know what you are doing is wrong.  you dont feel it because you Y"H has snuck in too deep.  flush it out!

sprikles??
fudge??

sugar cone?


no not crunch in asseres yimai teshuvah!

keep on trucking!!!!!!!!!

5770,

Why are you trying to feel guilt?  I would be suprised if even one person here was able to stop doing these things because they felt guilty.  I know I felt guilty for over 20 years and it didn't work.

Can you explain more why you want to feel guilty and if you aren't bothered by it AT ALL why your here?

Dear 5750
i was waiting for some feedback from u about my post
I have heard directly from an internationally  famous Talmid Chacham,one of the truely outstanding Torah teachers of our generation,the following advice for dealing with  overwhelming distress. His instructions are as follows after Shacharis say the following short Prakim of Tehilim (13 and 142) then say the following prayer to Hashem (not on Shabbos or Yom Tov). If the Hebrew is too difficult, they could be said in English.
"Ribono Shel Olom,ayn ani mevakesh elah rachamim"
translation Master of the Universe,I am only asking for Divine Mercy".

Maybe u really want to feel "guilt" as part of the teshuva process? After all, we are supposed to have charota (feel regret) about our misdeeds
but how is that possible if are not aware that we did acts which were contrary to the will of Hashem?
so maybe we can daven to Hashem to help us do teshuva
to soften up our hearts of stone

Errr... what's all this about guilt?

How about simply being a man?

Do you wish to be in control, or be controlled?

When was the last time you willingly asked directions when you 'blungehed' (yiddish for loosing one's way) while driving?

Men don't.

Why?

They LIKE being in control, and do not like to be controlled.

That is why there are no men secretaries.

Now, this may not talk to you too...

In fact, I'm sure it doesn't.

But that's because of a wonderful mechanism Hashem planted in the brain called rationalization. The more painful it is, the more we amazingly bury it.

But think about it.

You are out of control on this one.

That means, by pure logic, that you are being controlled.

How does it feel???

5770 wrote on 02 Sep 2010 02:54:


Mazel Tov, my friend.

All you need to do to find out if you are indeed lucky, is see what happens when you try to quit for sixty days....or maybe even for just two weeks. Just take a break. Just to see who is Boss.

I never  - never would have quit just because of guilt. So to me, guilt, schmilt. Guilt means absolutely nothing. Plenty people are numbed to even strong emotions...doesn't mean they are not having a big reaction inside. One day it may burst out, or not...hanistoros laShem Elokeinu!

It seems to me that the only criterion for knowing whether you are indeed lucky or if you are actually just another fool mastered by your penis, is to quit for a while. I suggest sixty days. See whether you come up with lovely excuses to make exceptions, or if you actually like your life without having sex with yourself.

Please let me know what happens. Either way, you are certainly lucky to be on GYE.