Hey Guys,

This year has been very stressful for me due to tension at work between my boss and myself, and as a result I've been falling a lot more than usual. I'm seriously considering a change of career.

Also, despite having broken an addiction to masturbation, I've never managed to reach 90 days clean in four years of recvoery from rock bottom. The best I've ever done is about 80 days.

I need advice from those guys who've made it to 90 days and have passed that milestone. How did you do it? I have a lot of fustration, anger and resentment inside me towards my boss, but I simply can't tell him the truth because 'it's always my fault and he's never wrong.'

Sometimes I've fallen bc I was simply too careless. However, most of my recent falls have occured at night when I'm half-asleep. It's like I masturbate because I'm subconsciously medicating and soothing myself by masturbating.

Specifically, I need to know how you guys deal with volcanic anger and fustration, so I don't vent it on myself.

Thanks guys and I hope you're all doing well.

Oh and to pre-empt Bards: Fell-Schmell!

TC

DL   

DesertLion wrote on 01 Sep 2010 23:02:


Are previously post 90 dayers allowed?  ??? ??? ???

Let me just quote Rabbi Avigdor Miller zatzal:

"You should always be on the lookout for a BETTER job...
Of course, your boss shouldn't think your looking for a better job...
To your boss, you just keep smiling and say... 'yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes' . "

Well, I'm not sure that hitting any magic number, 90 or otherwise, is really an important qualification. However, since you asked and since I qualify, I'll ponder what I might say. And at first, I'm not thinking of much.

But, upon further reflection, I will add one thought.

I hadn't realized the extent to which I viewed people around me as my personal "eye candy" -- good-looking folks to look at and have 'certain' thoughts about. Not even necessarily about being "with them," but just about other stuff I won't bother mentioning.

When I started here, trying to guard my eyes felt like torture. Partly because most 'eye candy moments' involved other men, and halachic mandates involved women -- so the people I might be able to stare at would be -- nobody. Ouch.

I decided to simply avoid close casual contact with other people. To tell myself that the RBS'O didn't put these other folks here to be eye candy, and that I shouldn't be staring. Yep, not at men and not at women. Frankly, a challenge exactly two times as great as the guys here without any same s*x attractions (or, please, just let me use the word gay).

At one point, it suddenly got easier. I realized that ogling was simply exciting me in a way that had no outlet. So that by staring I was simply causing myself pain (or at least, er, um, discomfort). And I had to stop.

For me, that turned out to be the key point. Not avoiding the p**n or m*'*n or newspapers or anything else. Just treating other people as here for a purpose higher than serving as my personal centerfold. It's not always easy but it's working.

Long and rambling post; forgive me; but it's all I've got. Kol tuv.

TO WORLD:

Of course former post 90 dayers are allowed! The fact that you were kind enough to spend your time giving me advice is appreciated. I'm learning how to communicate with my boss and massage his ego, but at the same time to achieve what I want.

I had a fall just a few days ago, so maybe that's causing me to be a bit confused and distraught.

Thanks for the tips though, I'll bear it in mind.

TO BRIUT:

Thanks for your 'long and rambling  post'. It's always interesting and helpful to learn from the experience of others. Atm, it's still sometimes painful to deny myself the pleasure of admiring pretty girls. However, the disgust I feel later on for being a bit of an unpleasant pervert is nauseating.

I think you hit the nail on the spot though when you realised that it was painful to incite yourself with something you couldn't have. Defo better not to stare in the first place.

.........................

Thanks guys and I hope you're doing well.

KUTGW,

DL

See some of my recent posts - I've actually started working recently on being happy even in somewhat adverse situations. The idea being that often in life, situations are what they are. We can decide whether or not to be happy. It sounds crazy, but when you think about it, it's really true. not always easy, but worth it!

Also, I always feel that it's important to focus on how good it feels to be clean.

Hey Silent,

I totally agree with looking at life with the glass half-full approach when you can't change the circumstances. What annoys me is all the things that are wrong and injust that you have to bear silently as well.

Also, thanks for the advice on staying clean. I'll constantly remind myself of what I lose when I fall.

Hope all is well and KUTGW!

BW,

DL

Also remind yourself of what you'll gain by not falling!