So I just ended over a week of extreme desire that I just couldnt take anymore.  I had looked at something a while ago and it started the temptation and I just couldnt get rid of it.  I didnt even enjoy it in the least bit, in fact I was apologizing as I did it.  It was just because I couldnt deal with the feeling constantly on my mind.  It has gotten in the way of everything good.  I want to get better. I dont even look on purpose (though I see a lot around town/campus).  I need help.  I have admitted I have an issue, and I know that I cant help myself (though thats hard to internalize).  I'm not sure my emotional/psychological makeup is right for the 12 steps, but I need to do something.  Credit where do, I've been doing pretty good.  Compared to where I've been I'm doign amazing!  but I'm not doing how I want to be.  My slips have been inspired by factors out of my control, that I just feed more than I should.  But I need to get clean in all sense of the word.  Spirtiually, mentally and physically.  What do I do now?

If you can't do the 12 stePs.

Resolve to do something!!!

Anything is better than freefall!!


Keep on trucking

Bardichev

do you, or anyone, have any actual ideas?  also, do the 12 work better with other people? I havent actually tried that...

a) speak to a school counselor. I am also in college and have done the same thing.

b) see if there are any 12 step programs available in ur area

c) daven to Hashem and ask to be able to focus on everything in life besides for lust. ask Him to remove ur lust.

d) how much Torah do you learn a day? Make sure to learn each day.

strugglingandstrivngBT wrote on 01 Sep 2010 00:32:

I know what you mean and I am not the one to give you guidance. But one thing I can tell you. Somehow you must think positively and not feel so desperate. Learn from Barditchev to be positive and keep going.

Hatzlocho

Thanks!  I've been thinking about how little I focus on all the good growth I've done and how much I dwell on the slips.  Definitely my nature, but it seems like off logic.
Struggling guy: What do you mean talk to a school counselor?  About what exactly?  I'm not sure if this is pessimism or realism, but I highly doubt the girls have the intention of wearing more because the only frum Jew on campus is tempted.
I learn at minimum chitas, usaully more. I need to learn more chasidus.
My bigger issue is being alone.  I live outside of the community during the week and the community is all older couples or high school kids (I'm 22).  The Rabbaim are focused on outreach so I dont get a lot of time to learn with people, and between school and learning I have very limited time (due to the nature, nor desire) to do much socially.  College town=college fun=not so good for me. 
I have been thinking a lot about "it is very near to you" and how that plays into my situation. 
I dunno.  food for thought...open to ideas and suggestions.
btw I'm very apprehensive to doing a 12 step for two good reasons (obviously the YH may sneak in more): 1. in a clinical sense, I really dont have a problem that is "ruining my life".  at least not in my opinion.  just a religious/I always overstress my flaws way.
2. I get very uncomfortable talking about spirituality and such with nonjews.

strugglingandstrivngBT wrote on 01 Sep 2010 15:45:



Think this over...

The derech of the yetzer is...

Today he tells you do this...

Tomorrow he gets you to do something bigger...

until.....      ????


The first step is to realize you have a very big problem.

Take a look at other posts on this site.

You'll quickly learn that this stuff can indeed ruin your life, even if at the moment it doesn't feel that way.  Point is, you NEED to do the work.

Learn to HIT BOTTOM WHILE YOU'RE ON TOP as they say.



Wishing you hatzlocho.

Kol tuv.

SBT,

I would take issue with both these points:

1) If your on this site you have a problem that is ruining your life.  If you want to say that your life is not ruined but has problems that is not a reason either not to go to a 12 step program.  You can go just to improve it, no proof of how terrible your life is required as a condition of membership.

2) Lots of things are uncomfortable like getting a colonsoclpy, but if I'm not well I'm going to do it anyway.

Just to support both my comments I would point out the Rabbi Abraham Twersky wirtes in many of his books that he regularly goes to AA meetings specifically to enhance his spirituality and improve his charachter.

I go to SA, I see that it works if you work the program and you will definitely meet some amazing people.

As an aside, the whol AA/SA thing is meant to be done within the context of a group.

When you reach certain goals in growing, in staying clean - what do you do to celebrate?

silent, if that's not rhetorical I dont celebrate.  I also think the identification of being an addict is more harmful to me than not, which is a requirement for SA if I'm not mistaken.  It makes me feel more vulnerable and guilty, bringing me down.
I dont know though.  I'll look into it.

strugglingandstrivngBT wrote on 01 Sep 2010 21:00:



aha...


And if you see me driving on the highway blindfolded, don't tell me to take off the blindfold.  Upon hearing that I'm blindfolded who knows what can happen chas v'shalom.

If you are not willing to accept being an addict and all that surrounds that and embrace it, nothing you do, will ever work.  Many ideas, thoughts, concepts, and such all work for those who do well because they understand that this addiction is greater then thyself.  Humility is the greatest gift G-d has granted me on my journey.  Good luck in all you do, but knowing you are an addict and being OK with it is the best thing you can do for yourself.

the 12 step phone groups at GYE (8:30 AM or noon, EST) are phenomenal.
But for it to work, you need to do some serious soul searching, and ask yourself
1) am I doing things, even intermittently, that I'd really wish I didn't
2) Am I ready willing and determined to be helped out of these patterns

The phone groups are about friendship and camaraderie and caring, and you will find that you will actually look forward to them, once you get 'into' it.

Otherwise... well, insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. we don't want to be insane, even if it will get us off the hook in the American courts.

I should clarify.  I am not in denial that I have a problem, but to label myself as an addict to a sin feels to me personally (on the level I hold myself to, I dont see it in others) as calling myself a sinner.  If I am so, why should G-d help me?  Further, do I even believe in anything, as I am breaking His law willfully and with knowledge that it's wrong.  I think it's semantics and a blow to an already shaky self esteem, but I admit I have an issue.
would you recomend trying the phone first or live goyish group first?

I would definitely go for the live group. 

When you have cancer do you want aspirin or chemo?  You go for what has the best chance of helping you get healthiest you can get.  A live 12-Step fellowship is VERY powerful medicine.  Just going to meetings alone won't cure anybody, but it coming to the hospital and once you get there you will be presented with the tools to be able to get better with.

As for issue of a "goyish" group.  In SA I see very little in the way of any issues.  First of all in NY at least, many of the groups are anywhere from 20% to 90% frum.  Second, this is not a religious issue.  It is not about what someone else thinks God says you should do.  It is about a fellowship and a plan of action that to me seems quite consistent with everything I have learned in many years in Yeshiva.  I don't think I have ever been suggested to do anything that was not totally consistent with Halacha or Torah Hashkafa.  In sharing my experiences other members are even absolutely respectful of my beliefs and practices (even the ones they can't possibly understand like taharas hamishpacha).

Hatzlacha