The 'R' of RID stands for Restlessness. Bumpy rides are not at rest; neither are smooth sailing rocketships! Anything that is moving, any change in the calm ordinary routine can be included in that category.

Thank you Reb Yosef. I did not chup that restlessness could come from good feelings too.

Yesterday B”H I had a clean day.

Silentbattle mentioned to me that I should share my successes. I was thinking about that. First of all it made me realize that I haven’t valued my successes. I always thought that being clean is what is normal and expected; no particular cause for celebration. But I suppose that if a day in which I had a fall is a failure then a clean day is a success.

Secondly because I don’t view a clean day as anything to be thankful for, therefore I have not being thanking HaShem for helping me get through the day. But If I feel after a fall that He is upset with me (only a feeling, not the truth) then presumably I should be feeling after a clean day that I have give Him a nachas ruach!

Thirdly, I need to show my hakoras hatov. Since I get such special chizuk and encouragement from so many people here when things are tough and I reach out, it is at the least menchlech to make everyone feelthat there efforts paid off.

So my friends please join me in celebrating a clean day in my life. There is no doubt in my mind that it is all in your zechus. 

Thank you HaShem for helping me get through yesterday clean. Without Your help I could never have made it through the day.

(I had an idea to start a “thank you HaShem” thread or “B”H I fought my Y”H and won” thread – any comments)

Two more points:

One is that last time I began to fall, after a few falls I was unable to post anymore. I was too embarrassed and depressed. This time so far I have done better. This may have something to do with the fact that I have spoken on the phone to members of the forum and I met people at the GYE kumsits. I felt that I AM embarrassed but people know who I am anyway, so I might as well keep on posting!

Today I noticed for the first time (I think) what Bardichev writes under his posts “winning is staying in the game”. I really feel how true this is.

The second thing is that I realized yesterday how important it is to stay focused and not get distracted. I decided that when I work I stay focused on work and that I would not even read GYE (which I sometimes do very often) etc .Staying focused I think prevents the restlessness more than anything else…..but I will leave it to the more experienced one’s here to comment on that. 

And  ......... feeling good is no reason to get distracted. I must keep focused.

TODAY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY IN MY LIFE

RECOVERY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE

EVEN IF IT IS BUMPY KEEP ON TRUCKING

Ovadia!
Thanks for those wonderful posts... they are going to help me through today!
b'Hatzlacha.
k

ovadia,
it is truly heartening and a nachas to see how you are taking the falls and instead of letting the YH smack you to pieces you are dishing it out to him and growing from the experience.
ה' עמך גיבור החיל
keep on inspiring us
break out the Woodford (and the banana liquer)

ovadia wrote on 07 Oct 2010 10:30:


Mazel Tov!

That's a great attitude you've got--valuing the good days.  For us it's definitely not a small deal.

--Eye.

ovadia wrote on 07 Oct 2010 10:34:

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 07 Oct 2010 14:02:


Don't do that!!  :o

NEVER DRINK & DRIVE!!!!  >

You may hit a bump & spill your drink!!! 

Today I noticed for the first time (I think) what Bardichev writes under his posts “winning is staying in the game”. I really feel how true this is.

thank u ovadia i am humbled

thank u yosef hatzadik

u are bards #2 in more way rthan 1
b

Bards,
Whats p'shat in your picture?
And what happened to the old one with the 3d glasses?
kutan

My, Kutan's been away a while indeed!

Allow me:

Reb b is the ice-cream man. He gives out smiley sweets to all the little kiddies who come running up to his truck (that us). Sadly, these kiddies (we) often run after the wrong truck (probably because of the 'eye-catching' pictures on it's side!  : :o) and there turns out to be a scary, bad man in that truck. Just like Mama told us there'd be. He just gives out things like paddles to slap yourself in the face with, or mirrors that make you look really, really ugly. Yuck.

The ice-cream man (that's Reb b) helps chase the bad man away and gives out yummy ice cream and Windex to clean the dirty mirrors we stupidly bought. Then we find out that we are really nice people and stop beating the crapola out of ourselves.

Does bards approve?

A new week, new opportunities but also new dangers!

THANK YOU HASHEM FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER CLEAN DAY.

PLEASE HASHEM, HELP ME HAVE ANOTHER CLEAN DAY.

B”H at least one thing I have learnt over the last period and especially over the difficult period last week is that I must always remain focused on the struggle. I cannot afford to be distracted at all, mamesh like a tight rope walker who can’t afford to lose his concentration even for one second.

I have learnt that Sunday’s are difficult. One reason is that very often I am alone in my office on Sunday’s but I think that it is also because Shabbos distracts me from focusing on the struggle.

So what can I do about it? The first thing is that as with everything, awareness itself is a big step. Secondly, I now try to maintain a focus throughout Friday, Shabbos, even though I generally have less difficulty during these times.

I want to say to anyone who has taken the time to read my thread, that posting daily has been an invaluable tool to me so far and halevai viter. I know that there has been talk on the forum lately about people feeling ignored etc. I understand that. I also used to feel left out when I did not get a lot of responses and conversely I loved the “attention” of being quoted on the Chizuk email etc.

But we have to internalize that ultimately we are posting for ourselves and whether we receive the responses we like or not we can have tremendous benefit from just posting “boring” posts such as “another day” or “thank you HaShem for another clean day”.

Having said that I want to say that I have no words to thank all those who have taken the time and effort to respond to my posts and to help me through this struggle. It is hard for me to find the words to express my appreciation and I hope that ultimately we will all see the fruits of our efforts together in a way that none of us can imagine.

Thank you.

dov wrote on 10 Oct 2010 03:44:


Oy, and I thought that the man was giving out a fish....

Shoots, all that ice cream I missed getting.

ovadia wrote on 10 Oct 2010 10:17:


Feelings are mutual... your posts are always welcome and helpful, even when I can't think of anything worth printing, er, posting, to add to them!

Thank you, Ovadia!

ovadia wrote on 10 Oct 2010 10:17:

Dear Ovadia,

it is a pleasure and an inspiration to read your posts about your struggle, the victories, the setbacks, and the lessons learned. all of it brings home a message that even though we may have fallen in the past we can still get back to Hashem, with the right tactics and necessary help, from Hashem and his emissaries.

Someone coming to the site after months or years or more of unsuccessful battle can see how someone who also struggled for a long time is able to carve out the clean and true life they want.

part of what keeps the cycle of falling going is the feeling that i am the only one who has this problem, no one else did it so often or to such an extent. when you can read on the forum of people who valiantly struggle, even falling at times, and still fighting, that is heartening and precious. so thank you for all your posts, victories and falls, you can never know who you are inspiring by writing of your struggles.

so stay in the game and bezras Hashem all the trucks will reach their destination b'karov.
zs