R' Ovadia,

The Oilam is rooting for you to do the best you can!!!!

Thanks Tried and Reb FF,

I really appreciate all the chizuk.

Every day as I begin my day I have the same feeling; that I will be able to get through today normally without that feeling that I am hanging on to some lifesaver unable to let go. Maybe today I can just get through the day without having to be constantly vigilant and on my guard.

And every day I begin my day and at some point I get that tremor of a feeling that reminds me of my vulnerability and that I cannot survive without my daily pill.

Please HaShem – another day, just one more day.

FROM BARDITCHEV'S BATTLE THREAD.
dov wrote on 13 Sep 2010 16:58:

Ok. So this morning I tried it. I said to HaShem “Please HaShem I don’t want candy. I want the real thing!”

Then I walked down the street tearing my eyes away from the sights, feeling positively horrible and I am thinking to myself “Ok, no candy, but what is it supposed to be? “ and then I realized yet again how immature my whole relationship is with HaShem so when I do the right thing, I subconsciously expect immediate results.

YES I ADMIT. I NEED MY CANDY.

PLEASE HASHEM I DON’T WANT CANDY, I WANT THE REAL THING. 

Ovadia

Learn from DOV

"Don't try to figure out why or how lust works"

There is no time for that now


Just stay clean for today


And...

Keep on trucking

No matter what comes ur way!!

Bardichev

bardichev wrote on 14 Sep 2010 13:36:

Dear Bardichev,

I say this with complete sincerity. I have learnt a huge amount from Dov and I continue learning, but it was your attitude that changed things for me.

Also, this still rings in my ears. It made me realise how false my feelings are.

bardichev wrote on 27 Aug 2010 04:00:

Thank you

Ovadia

I know that the Y”H is trying to make me forget this, but I can’t afford to letup:

• Recovery is the most important thing in my life

• DON’T  THINK – KEEP ON TRUCKING (BARDICHEV)

• HaShem I am a big boy; I don’t want candy, I want the real thing

• ANOTHER DAY, PLEASE HASHEM JUST ONE MORE DAY

This beautiful and powerful story was on a chizuk email a few months ago. I think that it is appropriate here.

All the Belzer chassidim were gathered for the first night of slichos.
The Belzer Rebbe walked in and looked around.
"Where is Yankel the tailor?", he asked.
The chassidim next to him responded;
"We don't know. He's not here. Why?"
"Go and get him. We're not starting slichos till he comes."
"What?! Rebbe, there are 1000s of people waiting to start slichos! We can't just hold everyone for a tailor!"
"Well, we are about to. Go bring him, please."
So the chassidim went to Yankele the tailor's house to find him lying on the ground, drunk.
"Yankele, come to shul. The Rebbe is waiting for you."
"But I'm drunk! How can I go to slichos like this?"
"It doesn't matter. You have to come. Everyone's waiting for you."
So Yankel picked himself up and walked with the Rebbe's chassidim to shul.
When he came to the Rebbe, the Rebbe asked him:
"Tell me exactly the whole story of what happened, ending in your getting drunk tonight."
So Yankele the tailor told his story...
I work with material.
I have a hard time getting by.
Then, a high ranking officer in the army had me do some expensive work for him.
I was gonna finally have some money.
But he canceled half his order.
I said to Hashem:
"Hashem, you took away half my parnassa! From now on, I'm only doing half the mitzvos!"
And I did.
I only put on one tefillin in the morning. I only davened half of davening. I only washed one hand. Etc...
And then the officer lessened his order again.
So I said to Hashem:
"Ok. Now I'm gonna do even less."
And I did.
After a while, I realized that this is a bad cycle to be in.
So I said to Hashem:
"Hashem, let's make up. I'll start doing all the mitzvos again, and you give me my full parnassa. Okay?"
And then I did as all close friends do, when they make up.
I made a le'chaim.
I sat down at my table and poured two shots.
"To a long and loving relationship, Hashem! Lechaim!"
"Hashem, You didn't drink Your shot!"
So I drank it for Him.
And tell me, is one lechaim enough for the King of Kings?!
So I poured one lechaim after another, till I finished the whole bottle!
And that's why I was lying on the floor drunk tonight.
The Belzer Rebbe gave Yankel a big hug.
"You, my holy yid, are standing next me to tonight when we say slichos.
Because you have a relationship with Hashem.
You talk to Him.
You love Him.
And He is real to you.
I want to be with you at this crucial time."

Gevaldig!!!

To this tailor Hashem is REAL!



A Rov recently said: I go to many simchos and meet many people. Invariably, people come over to greet me but I do not recognize who he is. I always try to smile to everyone. It is difficult, though, to feign the same smile to a stranger as to an acquaintance.

It is embarrassing when the man asks me, "The Rov doesn't recognize me? We spoke three weeks ago!"

How embarrassing it will be when we 'meet' Hashem after our 120 years are up and He asks us, "You don't recognize me? You spoke to me three times a day!"...

I really like that story, does anyone know where the source of it is?

On a personal note there is nothing I'd want more than to be able to relate to Hashem like that....

L'chaim...  ???

Tried-123 wrote on 15 Sep 2010 15:08:

i just got a similar story in an email newsletter from Ascent
ascentofsafed.com/cgi-bin/ascent.cgi?Name=668-02

Keep on rocking...and remember - no matter how hard it is for us to believe in Hashem, he still believes in us 100%!

To all my wonderful friends at GYE.

As Yom Kippur approaches I would like to say this.

I have no words to describe how my spiritual life has changed since I discovered GYE in Kislev. However whereas a few months ago when I made it clean past 90 days till 142 days I thought that I had “made it” and that I was ready to do Teshuva I subsequently had a few months of darkness after which I began to realize the truth that yes I have an addiction and that “RECOVERING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE”.

Today thanks to everyone here who have continued to give me chizuk and especially to Dov and Bardichev for their invaluable guidance, I am learning to adopt a new approach. This time I am not confident about it, because I know that survival today means nothing about tomorrow. For this reason I have no idea how long I am clean for since I began this stretch because to me it is irrelevant. Only today is important.

So what about teshuva?

I have no idea. I feel that I understand less about teshuva than I ever did. But one thing I can say to HaShem: All You ask for, is פתחו לי פתח של מחט. I truly hope that this time because of GYE I will merit that tiny opening.

Thank you everyone and may we all be zoiche to a gmar chasima tova.

:)Ovadia
Yasher Koach for posting the Where is Yankel the tailor?"story. I brough tears to my eyes and comforts me to know that merely having a relationship with the Ribono Shel Olom is a major breakthrough!
at the same time that Hashem loves us,has patience for us ,and has rachmanus on us,we must remember that He is not a Vatran!! there is Mishpat and it is very real.

Today I had this thought.

On Rosh Hashono in an effort to explain to my children the symbolism of the simonim, I used the following moshol.

A cell phone consists of a handset and the SIM card. If the casing of a cell phone gets damaged or even its screen it is still usable. However with the SIM card, even the smallest scratch can render it useless.

Rosh Hashona is the SIM card of the year, in that all the spiritual energy of the year is contained in this day. That is why we try our best to make sure that it is as complete and undamaged as possible.

Last night I bought Arba Minim. I took them to a Rov who is known to be a big mumche in checking A”M. As he examined the esrog for any psul or even for bletlach I thought to myself “why is this so important?” Then I thought that it is the nanuim of the Arba Minim that cause the shefa in the world. The Arba Minim are the SIM card of the winter rains, dew and winds.

I realised how cosmic all of our actions are. Every Jew has his own unique destiny in the world. Everything we do has cosmic ramifications. How much more so do we have to strive not to do anything that might have negative reactions. Even a scratch could be fatal.

After all we don’t want to damage our SIM cards do we?