Thank you everyone for all the chizuk and encouragement; really overwhelming. (kutan, if you read this gevaldiger letter www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2943.msg78361#msg78361  you will see that the soton is also kvelling.)

I would like to share something. This morning I had to stop off to do something at a place which is full of pritzus. Even though I travel to work each day among a lot of pritzus, normally because I am following the same route I am able to focus on where I am going, without looking around too much (although of course there remains a lot of room for improvement!!) However when I have to go somewhere unfamiliar the problem becomes compounded. I thought about it a little bit but I adopted my usual  approach that since I have no choice I will just go and do the best I can. Nu, nu, the rest is history.

After thinking it through afterwards I realized that this situation is an avoida just like any other, and one cannot just jump in and hope for the best. it needs preperation. Just like one is supposed to prepare himself for daavening, or any other mitzvah, I have to prepare myself for these situations. The key is to get focused beforehand, and to try and remain focused.

This is an ideal. I don’t feel anywhere near this level, but I am posting it because 1) there is value in having ideals and 2) the fact that I can even think this way is an achievement which is in the zchus of GYE.

BTW I really don’t feel that this has anything to do with the addiction. I assume that every normal person struggles with this. But the fact that I can talk about it, face up to the difficulty and even entertain the hope of being misgaber over the nisayon is an extra benefit which we have here at GYE. 

As I begin a new week I must remember that RECOVERY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE  and that ONLY TODAY MATTERS.

Ovadia i dont know about the yh kvellining but he is shriveling up.
I think you are a ramchal yid! That is the whole ramchal in zrizus that the yh tries to make us too busy to think about what we are doing. Thw ramchal in derech aitz chaim says if a person would think enough about his ACTIONS there would be no yh.

Ovadia,
Your post is right on the mark, and you are right, everyone (well, half the planet, anyway) needs help in making it through such situations.
I learned from Steve that one way is to have a sponser/friend/? from the forum or otherwise, whom you can talk about it beforehand. Just the idea that you spoke to someone, and he is rooting for you, and you will be reporting back afterwards to him, is a big help.
k

hi Ovadia,
how are things?
zs

Hi Ovadia, how are you?  thanks for the flow of chizuk.  Hope you're well. 

  ?
:

wondering how you are doing....
kutan

He is gathering nuts for hibernation near bards.

...you'd think he could find enough nuts right here, though.... : :

ovadia wrote on 24 Aug 2010 09:39:


I just want to say congratulations. I'm new here but I believe if we give one step at a time we can finally reach our goal that is to be clean. During my search on internet I found an interesting article that says "One must try to eliminate negativity and trust on positive, as you get more and more positive, your trust level and courage will increase, courage bring new opportunities to life, new wonders to life, and if you make courage as a habit, life will become golden". If you want to read the complete article here is the address: quitporn.net/blog/2010/08/golden-future/ We must make our small daily victories in a habit.

dov wrote on 22 Oct 2010 20:35:




hibernation equals isolation.

it rhymes too.  don't get me started on that.

Very true...connecting with others is essential here.

Whew guys! I didn’t realize that I was going to get into trouble for hibernating.

Anyway, I found the nuts here. www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=1065.675 (Scroll down to Reply # 685)

Seriously,  I read something very thought provoking from Dov last week.

One of the differences between the average sweet yid who occasionally looks at porn and masturbates when he wants to (and then regrets it), and the sweet suffering yid who is an addict is that the addict repetitively uses the schmutz, is obsessed with it, and masturbates even when he doesn't want to - because he really believes that he needs to[/i]. Of course he regrets it - but the fact that he finds himself doing it over and over proves to him that somewhere inside he really believes that he needs the lust pleasure exactly as everyone else needs food - that he cannot live without it. And that is pretty scary. He is truly stuck. Tell him "you can stop for a day!" (misusing "One day at a time"), and he dutifully agrees - "yeah, I can fast for a day, too!"...eventually he'll have to 'eat', and he knows it. Tell him all day long about his Neshama and his higher calling - and he'll believe you! But he also believes something else....because his body tells him it is so.

I realized that my attitude of “another day” for me was really just starving myself for a day at a time, rather than “one day at a time” whatever that means. So I am at the moment trying to understand how to live one day at a time. Any insights into this will be appreciated.

Baruch habaah Ovadia. It sounds like you are really getting it. Guess what? We get it to late. According to most people here the way they found to get rid of that need is through a twelve step program. Why wait to discover the wheel . People have done it already. We  can keep on figuring out ourselves untill we die. Every time its the same thing. Aha now i really got it. Untill the next fall etc.
Hatzlacha thanks for everything. I really admire your preserverence.

Ovadia,
Dov is my Rebbe too.
The idea is to really trust Hashem, like klal yisroel going into the midbar. Surrendering the right to act out.

l'maasa, though, as FF so aptly put it, the best (only?) way to do it is with a chevra in the structure of the 12 step program.
The phone call program really does wonders for many of the callers. They should be starting again soon...

Reb FF,

Very sharf and to the point. I sincerely accept what you wrote. However, first of all it has taken me a long time to realize that I have an addiction. Secondly, I know myself well enough to know that unless I am convinced that I need an SA group then I will not persevere. I am aware that I might feel later “shame that I waited so long” but at this point that is the best I can do. I am now trying to find a live SA group where I live. Otherwise I will join one of the phone groups.

Thank you Reb FF, Kutan and all the rest for your continued support, and chizuk.

The phone groups dont take preserverence! They are pashut fun!