ovadia wrote on 12 Oct 2010 09:48:

i just sent u an E-mail reply to u. Thanks for reaching out to me.
i really identify with that feeling of losing control which  is what was going on when i was acting out with m*& p*. When i joined this site, and had a period of sobriety, i slipped and then had that thought ,when well if this is a fall ,then i want to have some fun and ended up falling and cound not get sober again until i finally went running to a live SA meeting.

T123: So if we both agree that 'comfort' is more comfortable than painful growth, then what's the lesson here? I think it's got to be that Jews look for a higher sense of 'happiness' than just 'comfort.' And that takes pain sometimes -- it takes hours in the Bais M', days of cleaning for Pesach, thousands in chassanas and whatever... it takes WORK.

The real problem here for all of us is that we ARE Jews, and we DO know this, and we MUST put in our work, and we MUST rely on The Only True Source of anything in life to come through for us.

But it sure would be fun if we WEREN'T Jews, and we DIDN'T have Yiddishe neshamas pulling us toward Kedusha, eh? We could watch the game on our 72" plasma, and overeat McDonalds for practically no money, and practice p* and m* and adultery and whatever to excess. You know, the American Dream... and the Yiddishe Nightmare.

And when GYE folks realize that we're trying to combine both into one lifetime, it's no wonder we short-circuit.

Tried and Briut, I recommend that you read Rav Noach Weinberg Zt"L's essay entitled "5 levels of pleasure". It is profound and I think will clarify a lot of what you are talking about.

It can be found here: www.simpletoremember.com/articles/a/5-levels-of-pleasure/

Yesterday, I wrote a long post on my laptop which I intended to post when I would have a chance to go online. At some point my computer switched off and when I turned it back on I found thst I had lost all of what I had written. Although I was frustrated I got over it but I didn’t have tha strength to write again. So I ended up not posting and ………….. I fell.

So I think that it seems that posting for me has a lot of value, because it keeps me in focus. I realize and hope that by doing this long enough I will train myself to keep focused even without posting, but in the meantime it has become almost a lifeline.

Another thing I realized yesterday was something about my emotions. Even though I am really trying to “keep on trucking” at low steam, in other words, to try and focus on recovery rather than “successes” and “failures” I think that I still have a build up of pressure as the days go on, and each day I force myself to post whatever my situation.
That is why when yesterday I was knocked off balance a little bit, I let off the pressure.
I hope that I am making sense. If anyone has understood what I am feeling and can suggest an eitsa, I would appreciate it.

"Coincidentally" when I was finding the URL for the article I quoted above , I saw the following article on the home page of the site:

Be a Yoyo by Max Anteby

London Bridge is falling down
Falling down, falling down

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all

Ashes, ashes we all fall down!

Sound familiar? These are nursery rhymes that we’ve heard since we were kids. Some “things” fall and so do people. Natural, nothing to worry about.

But is that our ultimate goal? To fall flat on our faces? For sure – not! Life is a cycle of ups and downs – just like a yoyo.

What happens when a baby starts learning to walk? He holds on to the nearest object, pulls himself up and then – plop! Down he goes. A second later – there he is trying to stand up again.

And once he’s mastered standing, he learns to balance himself on his two feet. Then once again – one step, two steps, plop! In his innocence, he just won’t give up.

Fortunately, baby has people to cheer him on.  Remember how you would sit on the floor with your arms out, slowly inching backwards encouraging baby to take one more step, just one more step? We also have a Father in heaven Who wants us to succeed. But He doesn’t always make it that easy for us.

We all fall down at times. The wise man gets up and tries again, the fool says, “I can’t.”

King Solomon summed it up beautifully in Proverbs 24:16.  He wrote:

“Though the righteous may fall seven times he will rise up again…”

Life certainly presents its challenges; sometimes even setbacks. The wise man is like a yoyo. Even though he may falter and fall, he learns from his mistakes and rises up again.

Be smart. Be a yoyo.
-----------------------------------------

nu nu! a bit of a longer version of Bardichev's "winning is staying in the game"

HaShem, yesterday I fell. I realize once again how vulnerable I am and how I cannot overcome this on my own. Please help me today, just today.

Sorry Ovadia.
Still, pretty impressive how you are picking yourself up and just going further!

Bottom line is:

it takes 'a while' to undo 'a while'.

Sincerely,

k

ovadia wrote on 14 Oct 2010 09:36:


Yeah, it's easy to forget.

..and the best news of all is that we aren't alone, even though our hearts and minds keep telling us we are!

Truth is, we can't be alone even if we try! Our neshoma has a direct line of communication with the Kisei haKovod!

Just wanted to let you know that I am following and rooting for you...

Ovadia,thanks for reaching out to me .  i agree that the most important day is today. That is what they say at the SA meetings. but it all adds up.

don't give up you will beat it and when you do you will be able to see life much clearer .

Ovadia, I can't thank you enough for your post.  Nu, a shmel.  It's Shabbos.  Faggedaboudit.  Enjoy.  Cool tov  8)

These GYE chevra, they make Hashem kvell!
;D

and the satan...: > > >

Fell schmell OVADIA I WANT TO FEEL YOUR SIMCHAS HACHAYIM. FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE.