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New guy on the block
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: New guy on the block 1404 Views

New guy on the block 30 Jun 2009 04:44 #7697

  • Yoish
Just signed up to this forum last night, and recieved my acceptance e-mail today--this is my first post now.
I'm 20 years old. First discovered masturbation when I was 17. At that point in my life I had severe psycholigical complications, depression, O.C.D. anxiety, ---you name it.... I was constantly in physical and mental pain. I used masturbation to get "out of my misereble self--and to numb the pain"--to an extreme, doing so multiple times in a 24 hour period.  I developed a tremendous psycholigical and biochemical "dependance" on it.  There were spans where the only things I had to look forward to in my life was my next cigarette, and next sexual fantasy. Baruch Hashem, my psychological illnesses have greatly subsided and I've resumed a happy and productive life. BUT, my dependency on masturbation----(and of course surfing porn---to replenish the vast images that I constantly need to stimulate myself....) has remained--and it's like a big dark shadow which hovers over me.  It's almost exactly like the guy who was perscribed pain-killers after surgery---overused them a bit--and now although physically in good health--still has a horrible dependency on the drugs. When I'm around my pairs I feel greatly inferior to them, thinking in my mind, "I'm sure he 'aint a sex-addict like I am."  I also feel very ashamed like, "If only he would know what I do behind closed doors at night...."
And the vicious cycle:
I have a great day, davening, learning, helping others, feeling good about myself, and then night time rolls around and I need my daily "fix" of sex, so I engage in an awesome fantasy/masturbation/porn "extravagansa"---which I'm excellent at creating due to my vast vast experience in the field, but then the pleasure is over, I feel like crap about what I've just done, go to sleep on a horrible note, be really tired and depressed the next day---which fuels a bigger need for a fix, go even more over the top that night, feel like garbage even day...... until @**#!

I'm really not as misreble as I sound. I'm just really spilling it out for the first time so it seems brutal.
So, I'm looking for help in any which way, shape, or form.....
Thank You,

Re: New guy on the block 30 Jun 2009 08:34 #7716

  • the.guard
  • Current streak: 487 days
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 6414
  • Karma: 133
Dear Yoish,

We get cries for help exactly like yours every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. I cannot answer you in one short post, so I implore you, if you value your life in this world and the next, at least do at least this for yourself. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

And we just started yesterday a 12-Step phone group that would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you turn your life around. PLEASE JOIN DUVID CHAIM'S daily group. You can see how to join 4 X a week at noon, by scrolling to the bottom of this page. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are. This is VERY important.

We also have a hotline on this page, where you can call and speak to someone with experience.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Make sure to read them, they contain a wealth of information on beating this addiction! And I'd love to hear your feedback on them...

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...
Webmaster of - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by techouva26.

Re: New guy on the block 30 Jun 2009 15:43 #7757

  • Efshar Letaken
  • Current streak: 194 days
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 850
  • Karma: 2
Reb Yoish,

Hop on the Train, you not alone.

Take Reb Guards advise and you will be on your way to Happiness.

Efshar Letaken
Last Edit: by treehome.

Re: New guy on the block 01 Jul 2009 10:03 #7845

  • battleworn
Yoish, you got the right address, welcome home! Here's where you'll find people that love you and care about you more than you can imagine. Keep posting here and we'll all pull you up together.

Last Edit: by .

Re: New guy on the block 01 Jul 2009 17:35 #7905

  • ninetydays
Reb Yoish,

Welcome to the site. Listen to the moderator. He himself is an amazing tool. This site helps you recognize what your doing and why you are doing it. To get to the core of the problem and heal.

Please keep on posting. Be honest with yourself and let the tremendous amount of Tzaddikim on this site help you!

Last Edit: by reehanochi1.

Re: New guy on the block 02 Jul 2009 11:53 #7976

  • Noorah BAmram
  • Current streak: 2580 days
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 522
  • Karma: 8
Shalom aliechem,
Welcome aboard this holy site, my name is Noorah BAmram and wish to tell you that Guards Handbooks are everything he says and then some!! (I've went thru them more then once ). I'm on the 90 day wall of Honor and the forum to post my progress, fears, hopes and prayers, to me this a great motivator and you may want to consider it too.

I've found that with this insidious illness that we call lust addiction, support is the key, a person can't go it alone .

Your name "yoish" on this forum will be taken to as Moshe Rabienu  said to Yehoshua "may Hashem save you". we on this holy forum daven and say the same to u- Yoish, Hashem will save you!! Absolutely!! You already took the first step by posting here

Chazak Chazak Vnischaziek

With fiery love to a fellow struggler I humbly remain

Noorah from the house of Amram
[b]כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם[/b] 
A Tzadik is he who continues to  bounce back after he hits bottom, even a hundred times !!!!!Rav Don Segal Shlita
Last Edit: by bmeir.
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