G-d this pain in my soul, it is so strong, my life has gone to sh*t lately theres so much going on, I just, I feel like I can't handle the stress, and I am completely alone, I wish i could rip my heart from my chest, as if that would stop this pain, loneliness, overwhelmed, the pain is so unbearable i cant explain it to you,

I cry.

I cry on my knees, then in a ball on the floor begging Hashem to take me home soon, because this hurts, it all hurts.

I wish you could know, everything.  :'(

and I wish you would remain, be there for me, even if you knew all, even after you knew all.

I am broken. recent things have broken me, recent and past. and now I feel I am beyond repair.

I feel lost.

and i cry.

You are not alone my brother. We all share the same feelings of anguish and pain. We cry with you. If you feel isolated on this you could reach out to people and talk to them. I am here if you'd like.

Be well my friend and dont forget: We are with you.

-Yiddle

you're not alone
Every neshama has a special mission to accomplish.  for some reason we were given this job. at the same time Hashem gave us the strentgh to do the job.
In this weeks parsha we see that all the travels are called "Masei" leaving  Mitzraim to enter eretz yisroel including the travels where thay sinned.
So to with all of us even if we did wrong it is all part of our trip to refine ourselves and make ourselves better to come close to hashem.
Anyhow if we give up it won't help we will just have to do it again. 

thanks guys

Noachide, DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!

Do you hear me? DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!

Do I have to say it again? I think you heard me (all of us) loud and clear... but do you hear it with your soul? You may not hear it now, but you will. Soon. Moreover, you will hear it as a beatiful song sung to you by a voice from shomayim. You may not believe this now, but it is even more true than all of the pain you are feeling.

Noachide, your soul is united to G-d, a very part of G-d, and nothing in the world can change that. Nothing. And your soul wants desperately to return. To rest comfortably with the Shechinah. It will again. You will again. Just don't give up. The pain will pass. Little by little, it will pass. No matter what you've done... that simply doesn't matter when it comes to teshuvah. Teshuvah is a force that nothing can stop. And it waits for a man all of his days.

Your soul wants nothing more than this teshuvah. And G-d wants nothing more than this teshuvah, as well. And G-d is actively, strongly and forcefully seeking you out. You are not abandoned or alone. Quite the contrary. Now, more than ever, G-d's deepest love is there for you.

Gehinnom is a place where souls are purified. The pain you feel is a purification. It is needed. Remember, Gehinnom eventually passes. It is never longer than 12 months, and that is for the worst cases. Your Gehinnom will pass, too. When you are beset by pangs of guilt, encourage yourself with the knowledge that all of these purifications must run their course and will eventually pass.

Have you ever loved anything or anyone? Of course you have. Do you see how very special you are to have been given the gift of bestowing love? You are not garbage. Your worth is immeasureable. Don't lose sight of these, your good points.

Noachide, I too have done things I regret. Things I am ashamed of. You know what? I was also burning with shame and guilt. You know what else? G-d is compassionate beyond our understanding. He brought me through and He will do the same for you. Don't give up.

Take the time to read the Rambam's words on teshuvah. Follow this guidance to the letter. Take things day by day. Read up on everything possible on the power of teshuvah. Read it and take it all in. And take things one day at a time.

Noachide, things will get better. Even if you don't feel it, be obstinate in taking up Hashem's wonderful offer. Given time, you will see a great difference. Your outlook tomorrow will be nothing like your outlook now. You will look back from a comfortable, peaceful position. It is hard to see it now, but you have to believe. You believed you could break things, right? Well, now is the time to believe you can fix things.

Don't give up. Dust yourself off, pick yourself up and get moving in the right direction. This isn't just good advice, these are promises from G-d. Again, if you believe that G-d punishes, believe also that he heals. The same G-d spoke these things. The same G-d has opened the doors for your return.

Do it even if you don't feel like it. Even the smallest motion made in an effort to return to G-d is like thousands of miles in shomayim. I'm telling you this because I was there. Don't give up, pal.

I am not on these forums often, anymore. If you want to contact me, PM me and I'll get the message. I'll be glad to talk with you more if you'd like.

Hey!!! DO NOT GIVE UP!!! You're goin to make it. G-d is with you every step of the way.

Noachide, one more thing. Try to surround yourself with family. Good people where you'll be appreciated as a contributer to something good. If that can't be done, for whatever reason, try volunteering. Maybe at an old folks home.

Being a part of a wholesome environment where you're good is recognized and appreciated is a big part of getting through and finding your real self again. Hatzlocha.