It's been a while since I posted here. After all my recent falls,probably this is the way Hashem wants to save me. So please guys,help me out. I was silly enough to think that I would make it on my own and that I was not so serious affected by this thing...well,I was wrong,so please Hashem,forgive me for not realising earlier.
Where do I begin? I feel like one thing I really need is to be able to talk with someone,especially when I'm alone. I've realised that most of my recent falls have come when being alone and mostly a bit sad or anxious. Often when being at home at lunchtime. Please help me,I feel like this is my refuge that has the ability to help me.

welcome back w.w.walk

welcome to being HUMAN!
you have jsut discovered the secret to real growth.. its called knowing oyu cannot DO IT ALONE..


sitting in front of the computer isolates you ...

welcome back .. enjoy the road to recovery... feel free to pick the flowers... and walk along the daisies..

post...read..post... some more..
join a 12-step group... get a sponsor...

lots to do .. lots to seee..

take your time...

lots of good ?l folks here.

to guide you by the hand..

dov.ii

Thank you very much Dov. I've got so many questions and thoughts,where should I post them? What should I say? What should I not say?

Say whatever you want right here. People will answer them. Just post away brother.

Thank you very much! Oh,where do I even begin?

First of all,I'll be honest,I haven't installed a filter yet. I've tried,but I'm on a shared computer and since I'm the tech-support in my family,everybody would come asking me to fix the pc if some site is blocked. How can I resolve this problem? Also,I'm into photography and I spend time trying to find new inspiration and learning from other photographs. I try to use a filter on the sites I'm on,but still,there are a lot of subtle triggers. Is a part of my recovery giving up those photo sites? One part of why I am on the sites is promoting myself and trying to promote a positive message through my work...so I'm thinking that no sites=no promotion. I'm I wrong? Is it possible to find other ways to make this work?

More things passing through my head...I've discovered that most of my falls are due to a minor depression or feeling down. Sometimes if I'm stressed or irritated or things aren't going my way. I know I'm really prone to feeling down when things aren't going my way. Does this mean that my acting out is also a reaction of something much deeper that I need to work out? If I'll be able to control my mood,will I then also be stay clean?

Thank you again everybody,I really appreciate you guys. Thank you for leading me on the right path and for being a channel through which Hashem sends His salvation.

WeWillWalk wrote on 13 Jun 2010 16:27:


Welcome dear friend!

First thing ya know, is JIHAD! You've got to declare JIHAD on this. In the words of Macolm, Zechuso Yagon Aleinu, "BY ALL MEANS NECESSARY". If you feel photography means looking at "subtle image of matchless feminine beauty" then, KILL IT. Chayecha Kodem, before any positive messages.

Secondly, unquestionable for most of us this addiction is a response to the world not going our way, and the sign of much deeper problem of how we look at and deal with the world. The 12 steps teach us a whole different way of existing, and attack the real of the addiction. Read up on them, and perhaps think about joining a group.

kanesher wrote on 13 Jun 2010 17:50:


I don't feel that photography is looking at "subtle image of matchless feminine beauty". For me,it's more than that,just like the Internet is more than watching schmutz,right?

elaborate, yedidi. I mean I realize that's there's a huge part of it real, creative & artistic. But if it means triggers in your way, and there's no way to separate the two, - well, is it worth it? And is there no way to separate the two? I am an Am HaAretz in photography, amoung other things, but could you be more specific about the challenges you find yourself facing behind a camera?

Well,the main problem is not behind the camera,since I'm not dealing with dubious genres,like n*des. The website I'm uploading my photos on is one of the biggest art related sites around. I like to browse photos by other members and usually I do that with a filter that blocks most of the improper sights. I browse to find inspiration and to learn more about photography. But sometimes,there are pictures that can be classified as "subtle triggers"...most of the time,I turn away and just scroll past or click them away,but there has been times when I've been down and it's on this site I got trigged lightly...you take a look and say,it's not that bad,it's not that dangerous,it's ok,I can deal with it,and the next thing you now,this has trigged you into searching things that are even more explicit. Can you understand me better now?

I'm may be in no place to make reccomendations, but seeing as how this is a public forum i thought i could just back up what was said earlier.

It might be that as much as you love being inspired by the creativity of others, there must be a line.A filter is really only helpful and making a fence, but it is never an end all as you have discovered. Obviously, (and simple for me to say this) the most ideal step might be just trying not to browse those other artist's work.

After an honest talk with yourself, if you really find that it is absolutely impossible for you to give up browsing for some very good reason, then maybe find other fences that you could set up to try and keep you cleaner. maybe there is an environment in which you will be less tempted to fall - like in a more public place or in the presence of family members. or maybe you could set a time limit of how much time you spend browsing. personally, sometimes the boredom alone can be a trigger.

keep up your great efforts and honesty!
- love relating to your struggle ;D ;D

thank you very much,i'll see how i'll do,probably the best thing would be to browse the site only when not being alone,that seems like a good filter,or?