If you have read my other posts you will know that I recently started the 90 day program.  The problem is that it's only day 3 and I'm already starting to go crazy from withdrawal.  I'm trying, but I don't know what will happen today.  All I can think about is ma*******ing.  Someone please help me out!

1. Sorry, I can't help. Maybe someone else can.
2. Feeling like you "need" to (physically & otherwise) is fairly universal. It DOES get better. Hold on (onto your goals, I mean ).
3. Pushing AWAY thoughts of never works for me. I need to start thinking about something ELSE to take IN and fill me up with ... something GOOD, KEDUSHADIG, etc. That sometimes (!) pushes out the tumah and leaves room for the kedusha that HKB'H is just itching to send your way. He is probably saying, so to speak, "If only the kli had any free space for it...."
4. See, I can't help. But maybe you can stop long enough to find ways that will help yourself.

Others should feel free to jump in, obviously!
Good Shabbos, Good Choidesh.

hi -

carrry a pocket mishnayot wiht you - and when you get the urge put all that energy into learning..

or if you feel like your mind is too fried out from all teh m** to learn or you never learned how to learn - or do cannot read hebrew - or any other number of other excuses we are good at creating - let me know I'll give you some techniques to help you to review some mishnayot ba?l peh.

dov.ii

Take a deep breath and find someway to distract yourself. There are plenty of healthy things that can absorb your attention and take these bad feelings away.

Also, you are a lot bigger than these impulses. You're worth alot more than them. I suggest you concentrate on the fact you are a very valuable Yid. Very valuable. Maybe you don't believe that? You should get to believing that because it's even more true than you would be able to understand.

These aren't things you want to be doing, anyway. You are a lot bigger than them. Put them away for just today and concentrate on your value. Read holy things that will remind you of your immeasurable worth. You'll make it.  Keep your head up. And don't give up.

maybe make a list (when you feel strong) of the possible ways that you could theoritically/have slipped in the past and figure out a way to set up proper fences before the heat of the moment. this always helped me.maybe its a specific computer or a specific place that triggers you... or even specific emotions.

Additionally when in the heat of the moment (if it does come - hopefully it won't) try to realize that there are actually two voices speaking. If you listen carefully, there is actually an entire conversation happening within you - there is you and someone else speaking. this "someone else" tends to speak louder sometimes, but once you can identify him as an outside source, you will have won more than half the battle. at that point it shouldn't matter how loud he talks. as long as you say out loud "I know you are only my Y"H" you will get a tremendous boost of strength and the struggle should subside.

last but far from least take it ONE DAY AT A TIME  and no more

I heard an medical doctor who specializes in addiction describe that what goes on in the brain of an addict (any type of addict - drug, alcohol, sex etc...) is that the brain chemicals that get activated tell us "I need to do this or I'll die!!". 

Of course rationally we know this is ridiculous.  Nobody every died because they didn't masturbate but that is what it feels like - at least for me when hit with that wave of severe compulsion.  Focusing in on the fact that feelings are just that - feelings, they are not reality can help get you through withdrawal. 

It also can help to think about the fact that there is NO easy way out.  We can not go around, over or under it - only through it!  The sooner we do the sooner we will be past the most painful part.  From seeing people in recovery the chronic slippers experience the most pain by far.

Last but most important - PRAY your guts out! "GOD I am powerless over my lust.  My lust is telling me that masturbating will make me fell good, relieved and relaxed.  I have a sick mind that tells me lies.  GOD, you alone can heal me and remove my restore me to sanity.  Remove my lust because I can not."

GOD allows us to feel pain to motivate us to get close to HIM.  It is a blessing in disguise so take advantage of it.  It is one of the most eye opening realizations of my recovery to realize that pain can be good for me.  My whole life I used lust to numb my pain and escape it instead of using it for the good it can bring me.

Hatzlacha

What's this? My alter ego has arrived :D
Wecome Anonymous! I don't have much to add to what's been said so far, but I figured I'd just pipe in and say hello, because we are almost one and the same. If you stay with this site you WILL find the tools that work for you and you will succeed. I'm talking to myself here too. Take care!

I also remember many saying that you should think "not today",or "give me five minutes" and under that time you try to fill yourself with something else,like posting here or study a sefer. I remember reading a story with a teacher saying that the best way to prevent yourself from doing something bad is to drink to glasses of cold water instead of acting out. Do you think drinking water would help?

Hey Anonymous,

Whatever you do, just make sure you don't touch your bris. That has to be the ultimate red line in the first couple of weeks.

Secondly, you have to ACCEPT that it won't be easy to break free from such an insidious and pleasurable addiction. I remember reading somewhere that when a man tries to stop spilling seed, the thousands of Klipot that that individual created through his sins go crazy and try to do EVERYTHING to stop him escaping. Knowing this can give you something concrete and tangible in your mind to fight against.

Also, I know that when one is mired in this addiction, nothing else seems to give such an intensive shot of pleasure and satisfaction. 'Healthy activities' can often appear a bit boring, goody-goody and smell of hard work. However, the more you persevere, the more these 'boring things' become enjoyable. It's a bit like the Jews who followed God into the desert in order to escape Pharoah - I'm sure you'll reach the promised land in less than 40 years though lol.

Just hang on in there and don't give up cos you can do it!! It's all in the mind.

TC and KUTGW,

DL

 

This is my first time logging in but this website is really wonderful. i cant seem to control my mind i am really going nuts how can i control my eyes and thoughts before i know it i am looking at woman and thinking improper thoughts

@Cleanup
Introduce yourself in the welcome section where you will get properly acquainted with the people/etiquette of the forum.
@DesertLion
That third paragraph that you said is so true.  I never even thought about it that way at all!  I'm still in shock...