It seems that every time I have a clean period I get hit with tyvos that come in like batches so that once I'm down I'm really down!! On previous occasions although during tefillah ive thought about the averos I've never really properly turned round to HKBH and said sorry properly because it sounds so meaningless due to the number of times I've fallen and said sorry only to fall again. But this time after joining this forum I really want to turn round to Hashem and make a proper appology. But how? When it comes to it I'm lost for words and always just say I'm really sorry Hashem and Ill try not to do it again. But how can I show Hashem that this time I really mean it and that I really want to change?

get a sponsor - or join a 12 step group

hi - by the way!

and welcome!

Hello Yach!!

Forget the apology for right now

Stay clean!!

Keep on trucking

And post post post

Yach-

I have the same problem as you exactly. How do we ask Hashem for help/forgiveness after we had an intentional fall-?

I want make up an answer, but now you know that someone else has the same questions you have.

kit

-sg

at least from my experience on GUE, it seems that the best way to ask for forgiveness is to simply show that you're still fighting! maybe you dont take a second look at the attractive woman walking by or perhaps you take a different route to work so you dont have to see an immodest billboard or advertisement. if you can convert your desire to please Hashem into positive thoughts and actions (and even helping others), i think thats the best that you can do.

and another thing is to just keep at it. honestly, eventually things are bound to take an upturn and as long as you never give up, thats yet another sign to Hashem that you're sorry for whats in your past and you truly want to make a change. remember, the sign of a true warrior is not one who never loses a fight. a true warrior can pick himself up and dust himself off and be ready to keep battling!

Hatzlocha! 

I second the above post by Shlomo. Put your heart into it and take definate, concrete actions. Things do turn around for the better. And G-d does hear the stirrings in your heart. Every single step you take to better yourself, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, creates waves upon waves of Kiddush Hashem in the highest regions. Every little thing you do is precious.

Be aware that it is a struggle. But it is not a vain struggle. You will acclimate yourself to better, holy things and things will get better for you. The important thing is to not despair, not give up. Be obstinate. Be tenacious. Even should you fall again, cv''s, don't give up.

Joining a 12 step group or otherwise surrounding yourself with persons to encourage you is the best company for this journey. You can certainly make it. The holiest Tzaddikim assure us that you can make it. If you are assured that there is a way to damage, be even more assured that there is a way to restore. Don't give up. Hatzlocha!!!

StrugglingGuy wrote on 17 May 2010 00:49:


First, welcome R' Yach and SG... I believe we haven't met yet...

Bardichev has a great point,
but I want to address your question anyway...

You don't need to talk for Hashem to Hear you...

If you regret what you did and want to do better (which you do... this is self evident) then your Good...

You are being way way way too tough on yourselves...
Believe me Hashem is not as bad as you think he is...












I think you get the point

P.s. these sources are from "T'shuva B'zmanenu by Dr. Ben Z. Sorotzkin

Warning: Sorry, this just fell out and turned out to be a megillah. Hope it's helpful to some patient soul out there! (I also wrote it before Reb b, so boruch shekivanti!)

You ask about Hashem's forgiveness. Bear with me please...

OK. Let's say it was your wife who you were unfaithful too, instead of Hashem, OK? How would you make a 'proper apology' to her? You did what she feared most. You hurt her. She is shaken. What can you really do today to say "I'm sorry" to her in a way that will mean something to her, and how can you begin to make up for what you did?

What does marital infidelity have to do with G-d?

We are all unfaithful to Hashem (we are not on GYE to renew our Boy Scout membership). Hashem certainly takes our unfaithfulness personally. Though it is obviously only for our sake, the Torah does talk openly about Hashem being "jealous". Rashi understands the "reiacho" in Mishlei ("reiacho v'reya avicha...") to refer to specifically to Hashem, and R'Akiva points out that reiacho (in "v'ohavto l'reiacho kamocha") refers specifically to your wife. Just chilukei deyos? I think not. These are not coincidences.

A long time ago I tried to post about how the natural relationships Hashem gives in the course of life are a source of normal development for a yid, until we are eventually ready to be truly alone with Him. Our relationship with Hashem is manifest symbolically at each stage of that relationship. The relationship with a spouse can become the closest one by far, and can continue to develop way past the parent/children relationships (which teach us selfless giving w/o payment) into elder life. And as with all the other steps given to us, as it develops, we find ourselves developing.

The relationship between husband and wife is not mainly about giving life and sustenance (as it is with our children), nor mainly for fearing, loving, and tending (as it is with our parents). Rather, it is designed to be the relationship - connecting for connection's sake, because you belong together. Ein ish mais ella l'ishto, v'ein isha meisa ella l'ba'aloh'. They are to be the "rey'im ha'ahuvim...b'gan Eiden mikedem". They are the tikkun for Odom and Chava, split apart in order to be brought together v'dovak be'ishto, v'hayu l'bosor echad.

But we all know that Messilas yeshorim tells us that the entire object of life and the Torah is d'veikus baShem!

Well, it is. And that's why he designed v'dovak b'ishto into the plans. It's all because we need to learn how to attach ourselves - how to be intimate with whom we belong. And we do not grow by reading or thinking. We only truly learn by doing. Life is supposed to give us everything we need for the rest of the trip.

So how would you meaningfully apologize to Hashem? I say it is by honoring the relationships in your life. Learn how to be useful to whoever He put into your life, with gusto. Make it a priority to be of service. And put yourself in His care by really starting to depend on Him. Start trusting that he really knows what is best for you by doing His Will even though it seems like you are losing something.

That's all He wants. He has less interest in our tears and sacrifices, but deep desire for our trust and allegiance from this moment forward. As he told us about 2200 years ago, "With what shall I come before G-d...with burnt offerings? Shall G-d be pleased with thousands of rams, with riv'vos rivers of oil? Shall I give up my first-born for my transgression? The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
He has told you, Odom, what is good and what G-d seeks from you: to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your G-d." (Micha 5)

How long will we frum yidden with lust problems continue to lust after tikkun? Till our opportunity to actually do our avodah is long over?! I say be done with it. Leave the teshuvah lust to the people who are really just doing the occasional aveiros. Some of you may be in that category. But if you find yourself in a rut; see that you have spent years of your life preoccupied with this struggle; and are plagued with the pain of wondering "When will this end? Surely I'll take it to my grave;" then I say to you: give up! Give up on making up for your bad choices, on fixing and winning. You lost! Fixing is not your business, if you cannot even quit! Learn how to give your life to Hashem and rest in His arms. Get out of your bad habit and then work the Steps or do whatever you believe you must do to live differently so that you will not have the pain that makes your life unbearable without the pacifier of lust, porn, and fantasy.

Join with others doing the same thing. You are not alone. 

PS. My wife doesn't need me to make up for anything, either. She needs me to be present and to be the decent man she always hoped to be married to. As long as I am that, she is happy. And time does heal a lot, too. The time for a verbal amends will come. But waiting for it puts life on hold. And that'd be a real shame, cuz life is good.

I hear you R' Dov...

Do I get a "Patient Soul" Tee-shirt or something....?

RebbeRebBer=DOV and Tried123 thanks

I see I stared something here

I want to add

Nofech midili

The bracha of slach lanu comes after atta choinen and hashivainu

Korts un sharf

For explanation go back to DOV

YACH!

Yes we all want to do Teshuvah

Halevay I can do teshuvah

Yes yes yes

Here you learn how to live life

You will grow u will be happy and at peace

So if u will ask me bards vuss is azoi shlect with a bissel charatta and a huge I'm sorry??

I will answer u my dearest chaver

You are in a cesspool you got your yom tov suit dirty

Does mommy need an I'm sorry now or mommy needs yach out of the cesspool

I hear a story from the tzaddik Reb Nasson Vachtfoigel the lakewood mashgiach ZT"L

A bachur did a chet

He asked the mashgiach for a kapparah

The mashgiach said come back in a few weeks

Some weeks passed

He came back

The mashgiach said

Come at the end of the zman

Come next zman

End of next zman

The bachur was getting ansy

He came ellul

Selichos

Rosh hashanah

Finally the mashgiach said come to me yom kippur

Yom kippur the bachur said rebbe what should I do??

The mashgiach said
"Gribbl"nisht (don't delve into it)

Move on!!

I know this story

What I will add is along the same lines I'm not sure its from rebb nosson zt"l or another tzaddik

Often times the YH wants us to be busy with the kapparrah as a way to HOLD ON to the chet

So in bardish we say kkkkkkkkeeeeeepppp
Ooooooonnnnnnnnnn
Ttrruckkkkkkkkinn


B

This seems to be the thread where we compete who can write a longer Megila.... ???

I am gonna put a final end to this... :o
NO one will beat me :D

In all seriousness, despite the length... this piece is a must read....
You wont regret it!!!!!!!!

Everything from reb Tzvi-Mayer is a "must read"! Thanks again, Tried!!!