today is day 52 and im going crazy

im trying to come up with every reason as to why i shouldn't just do it

i was at the video store, and in the past i was strong enough to guard my eyes and take out something clean, however today i actually picked up the cover of a movie that i know to be very dirty and fought with myself as to why i shouldn't take it out

i was staring at the cover for at least 20 seconds before i put it down and that lustful feeling just swept over me
i didn't take out that movie, but when i got hope i was so lusting to just go down to the computer and look at everything i been wanting to look at

i quickly took out a list i made with the help of my therapist as to why it is dangerous for me to look at this stuff

it helped for a bit, but right now i need all the chizuk i can get

im going crazy, i dont want to throw away all that ive worked so hard for

how do i get rid of these burning desires

how do break away

my therapist told me that i must cut ties with all these fantasy women that ive built a fantasy relationship with

i want them out of my head

hopefull

Hey hopefull,

COngrats on 52. Truly an amazing thing uve done thus far. How about calling someone? Anyone you know. Preferably if you could talk about this but even to just talk about anything.

Best of luck

PS if you wnat ill be online for  a short while email me at yiddle2@gmail.com

-Yiddle

Hopefull,

I don't know if this is relevant to you, but since in Sefira this is the week of "Hod" (Thanksgiving) I'll try to explain why Hod is essential to Shmiras Habris. I had to learn about this myself because years ago Harav Yitzchak Ginsburgh from Gal Einai told me personally that I need to work on improving my midda of Hod to succeed in Shmiras Habris.

First, some Kabbalah 101: Netzach (translated as victory, endurance, and eternity) and Hod combine to form "Yesod". In the human body Netzach is represented by the right leg, Hod is the left leg, and Yesod is the Bris.

Netzach is the ability to overcome adversity, including our challenges to be shomer the Bris. But Hod is needed to keep the Netzach going, like the left leg supports the body when the right leg takes a step. This is because Netzach runs out of steam without Hod. We reach a point when we say, "I've done enough, I've fought the battle enough, I've climbed enough, now it's okay to surrender tonight." Hod means we thank Hashem for all the blessings we have in life and acknowledge that all we have is from him, including thanking Hashem for helping us to climb in our past. This gives us the renewed spiritual energy for more Netzach. And we continue to advance, like our two legs walking together a step at a time.

So now when I start to feel that I've done enough for Hashem and "Hashem owes me" in the cosmic scorecard between me and him, I work on Hod and that helps to bring me down from my ridiculously stupid perch.

hopefull, keep strong! you can do it because not only are you hopefull but you are also willfull! look back at far you have come i know what situation you are in i fell on day 55! i am ok now but i will tell you something i would sure as h*ll like to be in the 60s! keep strong my man you can do it! also i replied to your joining a group question so you can join my group that i am a part of! you have so much growth to look forward to!

hopefull are things going better?

thanks guys

im doing much better and b"h i didnt fall last night

hopefull

Wow - you are amazing! You not only passed the first test, but continued on, and stayed clean! Fantastic!

Stop and think for a second - doesn't what you've accomplished feel great?!