I just fell after 55 days with only a few close calls and 1 or 2 slips i fell. i did not even give myself a chance to call for help.

55 days? Wow! Did you make a party for going 55 days clean?!

Calling out for help when you're caught already is extremely difficult. I would ask the following questions: Why did you fall - what led up to it?

What did you learn about yourself and your struggles?

What could you do differently next time to improve?

Using the answers to these questions, you can use this fall as an opportunity for growth!

I would also recommend that you post this on your regular thread. A fall is not something to hide - it's part of your growth (as I mentioned). You are who you are, with your fall - a wonderful, beautiful, holy person, striving for growth, and succeeding.

I was looking up reviews on some basketball sneakers i was really excited about and it lead me to a basketball magazine web page that instead of having the review had pictures of models more than half n*k*d posing and it triggered me big time. i ended up reading erotic stories for about 5 minutes and... i don't think i need to finish that thought... i really do not know what i could do next time to improve probably if i had called for help i would have been saved because i only had a small window of (opportunity?) nonopportunity and i would not have been able to do it.

I don't know what do with myself right now.

right now i am looking at NBA stuff and trying to distract myself

get out, go for a walk? Go read a book. Go eat some cake to celebrate - celebrate your 55 days clean, and the beginning of an even better period of being clean that you've just started!

Calling for help is very difficult to do. I have the utmost respect for the people here that do that.
let's see what happened. When you looked for the review, and you saw the models, you probably thought, "well, i really want/need to read the review." Am i right (I could be wrong, but that's how I'd think).

You've learned that in the future, when you see a trigger, it doesn't matter if there's a valuable review - you've gotta get outta there!

Please get out of the room! Change your setting, change your state of mind...

i am out of the room but i am in bed and certainly could not go on a walk at 10:00 at night. i am working on the state of mind thing maybe i will have a snack to "celebrate" i think if i can get 55 days i can get more the next time! actually i did not see the review the link to that was missing but not missing to the models.

it feels like such a long way to 55 again. i need to keep positive and take it one day at a time! one day at a time!

Exactly - one day at a time.

And yes, it's a long way back to 55, but look at it this way - when you reach (and pass) 55 again, it won't really be 55. It'll really be 110, in a way.

Also, the 55 days have taught you very clearly that this is something you CAN do.

And remember - you are AWSOME!!!

Thank you SB! I AM FEELING BETTER AND OPTIMISTIC i know that if i ever feel like that again i will call for help i am also adding in the accountability group in so that should help as well as knowing in my heart this could be the last time i had a fall! thank you again!  i need to keep my head forward.

Sounds like you're doing a great job of it!

I gotta head out right now, but keep on rocking - you really inspire me!

That is very good - 55 days.

The way you fight the yetzer ha-ra is the same way it fights you. You "acquire strategies" as the Mesillas Yesharim says. In this case maybe you need to make sure that you never look at this type of material. Don't look at the sneakers, and you won't come close to the naked ladies. I didn't understand if it was a magazine or a web site, but the comment stands.

You should try doing teshuva for following your eyes - before the sin. You obviously do feel bad about it already. Just say "I am sorry I looked at that woman" in a hurry when it happens. The longer you wait the more the yetzer ha-ra grows until you are no longer in control.

That is the only method that works for me. One day at a time doesn't work for me. One moment at a time works. One day a time allows your yetzer ha-ra (arousal!) to grow each day, until one day you are out of control. That's just my own experience I guess.

There is a gemara about a Rav Amram Chasida. There were some women who had been taken captive and ransomed, and they were placed in an attic, and the only way to get up to the attic was to go up a ladder. At some point this Rav Amram Chasida loses control of himself, and he starts going up the ladder. He realizes he has lost control, so he start screaming "fire! fire!" because he figures the only way he can stop himself is if people come running in the middle of the night and he is seen as a buffoon. This man gave up everything so that he should not sin that one time. That is why the called him chassid.

It was a basketball magazine website like where you could order the magazine and that type of idea. i was looking up the sneaker because it is expensive and is supposed to help my feet from getting blisters and nails from falling off after i play so i wanted to make sure i am getting a good deal. and it was a basketball magazine that was supposed to have a review and there was a picture on the side and i couldn't help myself :v( but like you said i need to leave right away and not wait for the yetzer hara takes over and than come here which is what i normally would do if i slip but i did not and learned that lesson the hard way after doing it the right way 2 or 3 times but i need to try and not dwell in the past and go for the gold!
CA signing off

ok - its been a long time, and you did great up until now.
but in case you forgot what to expect... get ready for 3 days of irritability..anger, guilt, lethargy, haze, etc.

not fun!  but normal.

what did yosefs brother do after after their avera - they also sat and ate.
when we eat from the fruit of averiahs - eventually our body catches up to us, and DEMANDS something else to eat...

ok - so how to prevent this from happening again. I would beg to differ that it was the magazine site that brought you down. The fall semmingly started before that.

you said:
I was looking up reviews on some basketball sneakers i was really excited about

our bodies, like our minds also have a "memory".

the basketball sneakers seemingly threw you into a state of EXCITMENT... the body said, "WOW, I'm EXCITED", the mind says, "excited?!? Hmmm... I know exactly HOW to really get excited...but we'll need some images...lets go surfing and find what we are looking for!

There is a reason the internet is called the WEB.
It is designed to TRAP you!
just like a spider traps other bugs and insects in her web - and then wraps them tight and sucks the life out of them..that is the internet.

In my opinion - a person who wants to find p** can easily do so - we all know that. but what most people dont realize is that if they are NOT looking for p*** they are within 7 clicks of finding it.

- searching for something, HERE, try THIS!!
- angry...punch the monkey, and then check this out...
etc.



the main difference between this fall and all the rest - is that this time you are not alone.


you fall - we fall with you!
but we are also here to pick you up, too

dov in israel