I have not been on here in several months. I had fallen after going clean for a period. My situation change from serious to more serious. About a month ago I got engaged. I thought that now that I'm taking life seriously maybe my problem will go away. I didn't, and my kallah found something on my computer, and I admitted to here all about my problem. To say it lightly, she did not take so well. Her biggest issue was the betrayal of trust. There's also other insecurities, but she said she can't trust me anymore and broke off the engagement. We are trying to work on our problems. I told her that I would get help, and about this site. She seems willing to try to mend things, but she seems to think this is more of a relationship issue than a personal issue that I have. I know she wants things to work and wants me to get proper help, but she has difficulty being supportive. To her she feels like there is no trust, and whenever I am alone I am doing this behind her back. Since she found out I have been clean for about a week. She means the world to me, and I want to do everything I can to restore our trust. I know that I can control myself if I turn to Hashem, and I admit it is a serious problem. It is definitly not something that I want to have for the rest of my life. I tried blocking the internet on my phone, but the phone I have requires a data plan to function. Now I have to buy a new phone and switch plans to one that is phone and text only. I see this as a step in the right direction. Everything about this is as big of a test I have ever faced. Today I have been listening to my yetzer tov and I feel happy and strong. Hashem is here to help, and I just need to ask for it.

Wow, so it seems the fears you had when you first posted over here materialized. But it is a blessing in disguise. Hashem is helping you achieve your soul's tikkun. Please read my reply to you on that page. The handbooks contain all the wonderful info you need to learn how to break free of this. It is good that you were caught before marriage and not after. You can work on this and come into marriage much healthier, and save the risk of destroying two lives, chas veshalom.

May Hashem be with you on your journey!

in my humble opinion sounds like you both could use a good life coach, too

sounds like she has some emotional baggage related to trust...and if not the p*** thing, it will be something else (perhaps like when you forget to buy some bread and milk on teh way home from work, etc)

hang in there... if oyu can both figure out how to TALK your problems out into the open BEFORE you get married, you will be headed for a GREAT MARRIAGE together.

I think Reb Guard's advice here is gold, but I want to add my 2 cents...

I hate to say this but I think I understand where your kallah is coming from.  You see I told my wife about this after being married 4 years and to say the least she was not like, oh sorry to hear you have this issue, well I love you honey and I am sure you are going to get over it.  Fortunately we have managed to work together pretty well since.  I think any woman when finding out about this will think of this as a trust issue and a relationship issue and not just a personal issue.  She may even be right.  Think about it like this...  If you cannot get over this then you will be spending a lot of time in this fantasy quick fix world.  One day your wife's luster (or your current infatuation) will dim in your eyes, but amazingly the fantasy world will not only not dim it will get better (because the lousier life is the more the fantasy matters).  What happens then?  As you go further into fantasy, does it go from looking at women to looking at men, or does it go from looking to actual meeting?  C'mon I would be scared myself.

What can I say.  Perhaps the one thing that you for sure can take from this is that this is a WAKE UP CALL.  Give up your lust, get rid of the pictures, forget about looking at a woman lustfully again.  I hope you and your Kallah can work things out and make it happen.  But whatever happens, you have got to give up lust.  Don't worry if this one does not work out.  If this one is not meant to be you will find another that is.  Hopefully by then you will have succeeded in overcoming this terrible affliction.

P.s. I really hope you can work things out, if they don't have a good drink or two [just make sure that you don't go starting a new addiction ;) ].  Anytime a shidduch does not work out it is a cause for a l'chaim because it means you are one step closer to finding the right one.

P.s. #2.  As an aside it is almost hopeless in getting women to see things from our side.  They do not even comprehend how we think.  I think that we do the same to them in that we have no clue how their minds work either.

Welcome back - you know that every here is with you, and we'll do our best to support you and help you grow.

But - your kallah is right. While this might be a personal issue, it's a personal issue that will effect your relationship in numerous ways, and it's one that you need to deal with. While you might think that she should be more supportive, try to see things from her perspective. Her job right now is to give you the space you need to deal with this issue. Anything else would be unhealthy - she should not be rushing in on the assumption that you'll work on this. You know that. You can't marry someone hoping they'll change. You need to do some serious work here.

And that's why I'm glad to have you back - so one way or another, you can get better, and then you'll be happier and healthier.