Rabosai,
I'm hoping for your input here. There's a question heavy on my mind right now.

.[size=14pt] Q: What's the proper flavor of hadracha (guidance) to give a young person who's part of the Forum?[/size]

You see, I generally assume the members (AND the unregistered "lurkers") are all "of a certain age." You know: legal adults, past the initial rushes of puberty, self-aware of who they are and what they stand for, etc etc. Most of us are. And I post with that in mind.

Still, younger folks are part of the Forum, too. They may have a real "addiction" issue, or may just be red-blooded frum teens trying to reconcile G-d's dual gifts to them of His Torah and an adult body. They might be so young that it's inappropriate (or even illegal?) to chat with them in the way we'd chat with an older member.

So, my question in more detail becomes stuff like:
1) Should we assume that any teen who found GYE has a serious lust issue, or should we reassure them that some challenge is perfectly normal?
2) Are there limits in the postings etc we make to them (like suggesting that one mz'l brings gehinnom, or promoting SA)?
3) Should we censor our posts to other adults because teens could be listening?
4) What's the right age for us to stop worrying about their age?

Thanks.

I look back and wish GYE existed when I was a teenager.

might have diverted some of the trouble I got into - and placed greater boundaries over the borders I crossed as a teen.

Little me says that this is indeed an issue but that there is no full solution...

I think that there may be some teens 1) getting Ideas from this forum 2) coming here as a means to be exposed to lustful topics... (may have access to restricted internet which allows GYE...)...

tried - really. please!!!

someone who is coming to GYE to get their lust hit???

I can easily think of 10 other ways to get a good lust hit...with or without  a filter.

if I were a teen GYE woudl not be on my top ten list of places I woudl visit for a lust hit. does an alcoholic come to the emergency ward to get a good whiff of the isopropyl alcohol?

my guess is probably not.

Believe me we are not coming here for a "lust hit". we are coming here for the same reasons you guys are here. i can only speak for myself but from what i have heard most of you guys wish you could have been here when you were my(our) age. just putting my 2 sense in!  :D

I agree with DovInIsrael 

You have to be at least 14 to sign up for the forum.

From then and on, if you have internet access and can access GYE (no white-list filter), then you are here because you have a lust issue. If you're looking for a lust hit, there are much better places. Assume anyone here needs help in this area. We can't restrict our posts for the occasional loony (or should I say, "normal" person  )

One day in the near future, we do plan on having password protected access to certain areas and features of our website, that will make GYE more family freindly... This will be even more important as we begin to focus more on the area of "Prevention" and Filter services, as you can see in the "Plan" I linked in yesterday's e-mail.

As far as i have seen people have been pretty good about not being graphic or anything. Maybe there is out there (on the forum) but i most certainly have not seen it. But to me it looks like GYE once again is headed in a better direction then it already is, amazing!

CA: Look, I believe you 100% that you're coming here for the same reasons the alter kakkers come here. And it's right that you did.

But talking with teens about topics like acting out, I've seen every view possible on the site. As to adults saying stuff that might not be right for teens to read:

TRAGIC INFO.
One adult says he acted out in his youth. He then said it was mzl two times in his LIFE. Yet he said it brought him to long-term suicidal depression. Wow. What kind of message is THAT for a teen. [Heck, in my youth I'd go two times in an HOUR.]

HURTFUL INFO.
One adult told a teen that even one case of acting out leads straight to gehinnom with no possible tshuva. [Well, boys, if true I think we'll be meeting a lot of people down there (Ch'V)... didn't Dovid haMelech call this the "sins of our youth?"]

TOO MUCH INFO.
Then there's the question of replying to a teen with possibly TMI "too much info". Should an adult be saying on a teen's thread, I don't know, when he started acting out or what specific activities got him in trouble? Or asking for very personal details from the teen? Maybe teens need/deserve a higher level of tznius than older members, at least in their own threads. I DON'T KNOW, and I'm hoping other members will chime in.

I remember you saying that you're 15. I'm sure you think you can handle anything in this department. I'm thinking, though, that some folks (not ME, of course!!!!) have background that you might be ok to read but shouldn't necessarily have as part of advice directed straight at you. TMI.

ONE FINAL FACTOR...
And then there's the fact that some countries and states have laws about sex-related communications with young people. Even, perhaps, when the motive is therapeutic and not lewd. I have no clue if any of the laws would ever apply, but all we need is the chillul Hashem of GYE ending up in a headline somewhere. [Or in some darned British court of "int'l jurisdiction" raising a crime against humanity ] But now I'm going overboard.

I probably haven't hit the heart of my concern in this rambling post, but maybe it paints a SLIGHTLY better picture of my question.

Interesting points. On the legal issue, I have no idea. On the other issues? I think we do a pretty good job of balancing each other out, for the most part, and there are moderators, too. Someone who's a teen can get a perspective on the fact that there's a lot of grey area, and that everyone is holding somewhere else - and that we're all trying to grow, regardless of whether our problem is twice in our lives, or twice an hour. And he can learn for himself that HE needs to grow, from wherever he is.

Personally, if someone feels that I've said something that's out of line, well, they can certainly PM me and point it out - I don't deny that other people may have sensitivities that I'm lacking.

But overall, I think that one of the nice things on this forum is that teens are treated with respect as adults. their battles and successes are respected, their viewpoints are considered, and they don't feel left out. I like that.

Both of you have very good points but we teens have seen "stuff" which is more than R rated that is why we are here so to us maybe some of the stuff said on the Forum is quite mild. As for the idea that people are contemplating suicide yeah that is pretty rough to hear but... i don't really know what to say about that one. I agree with both Briut and Silentbattle but in the meantime we are here and we are being helped so maybe even though we are hearing about some things that are difficult to swallow we are also being helped tremendously. just thought i would put a teens perspective on it. i would like to hear what Shlomo has to say.

Great question, Briut ! I was wondering the same thing myself.

Since the Torah defines an adult as over Bar Mitzva, I personally think that discussing stuff with minors in a public and moderated forum like this is fine. But since I don't know the law, I'd be a bit paranoid about personal emails or PM's; Even though I know nothing inappropriate would be said by me, the last thing I need is to be arrested and accused of discussing sexual topics with a teenager (of any gender). I'd like to remarry, and it's difficult enough to find a shidduch even without any rumors circulating about me.

commando -

think abotu what a lucky lady she will be.

not only will she get a commando.
but with Hashe'm's help, she will also get a clean commando

DovInIsrael,

Thanks for your Bracha. But please no jokes about "going commando".  ;D ;D ;D

funny - when I am joking around...everyone thinks I am being serious.
when I am being serious - they think I am joking around.

must be a further symptom of my Invert-ego...everything becomes inverted.

I was being serious with you.

I expect she will not only be incredible - but incredibly lucky to be with you.

am I right?
I think am I am in this case.

but if I am not - I want you to correct me.


.

DovInIsrael,

Sorry for not taking you seriously ! And yes, I hope that your words come true and both my future wife and I find ourselves lucky to be with each other. P.S. Let's stop talking on this thread about me, if you want we can take it offline (unless you're a teen). ;D