Dear Zeeseh rodent,

Your kvetching about your finances is a luxury. When you first came here, the lust problem was in the forefront of your mind, unacceptable and your main job. Now that you have tasted a bit of recovery, a touch of clarity, and are beginning to actually see what work you really have before you if you are to grow and and stay in recovery one day at a time - suddenly you are wrestling with the octopus again.

I say that until you see the lust in your side view mirror and realize that although it is following you and "BIGGER THAT THEY APPEAR", at least it's behind you...you probably cannot afford the luxury of preoccupation with anything else. And it is a luxury - it's nice to be able to really play house. Especially while the house is still burning down, it is very calming to get into a fight about the fact that the fridge is broken!

Do you get me? This is exactly what we all do in our disease, and often in our early recovery, too. It's the definition of a slip (Sobriety Loses It's Priority).

All the financial security you get will be trashed by your lusting - if an addiction is what you have got. All the sincere and sweet Shalom Bayis you 'create' will be reversed sooner or later, if you do not remain sober.

I have no reason to bash you. (I can often use a fair bashing, myself!) If what I write here helps you, great. If you get upset and remain in this distracted despondency, that's a pity. You are a great guy and have made great progress and there are real people who really need you to be there for them (besides yourself needing you!).

Hoping you are having a great SH"K!!

- Dov

PS. Feel free to kick me back...take a number first, please, and no cutting in line.

I hear what you're saying dov (chas veshalom - I dont see it as a bashing!on the contrary, a loving explanation!). But there's one thing i dont understand, as i understand recovery and the steps, the whole point of it all is to learn how to live real life in a healthier way from the way we have been until now.

If I have been procrastinating and wasting time at work and prefer to chill out most of the time and do stuff that make me feel good (and im talking about neutral stuff, like general knowledge, listening to music or even being on gye!) instead of working, shouldn't I be working out a way to stop living like that one step at a time??

It happens to be that it has a direct bearing on my parnosoh progression prospects and i feel a pressure around me to earn a decent living which stresses me out, but i do try and let go of all the burdens that are a consequence of my lackings and concentrate on my actions in the present, by it's not easy.

Anyway, can you please address the 2nd paragraph, i think it's quite a fundamental insight into recovery, thanks!

I prefer to see sobriety and recovery from my character defects through the steps as my main purpose in life in early recovery - and beyond. The procrastination, I am advised, is usually just avoidance, period.

I have found that soon after I kick my bum and work really hard, the work becomes consumingly interesting - and I have success and promotion. Does that help?

There is a fear there, if there is avoidance. It's time for steps.

Thanks Dov. I've kicked my bum and worked hard and have find it more interesting and enjoyable, work is looking up at the moment.

I haven't posted here for ages!! that's not great! These past couple of weeks i've been struggling with 5 minute quickies of acting out - it doesn't feel unmanageable enough, although i ought to remember from past experience that quickies always ending up leading back to longer periods of acting out, where my life is paused for far too long...

Ahhhh, the old 'putting life on pause trick'. Yes, we are all familiar with that old bloke. Nu. What do I want for myself right now, that's the shayloh. Adios! Back to work!!

Hi hm,

Welcome back to the forum.
I certainly know the feeling you expressed.
Sometimes lust almost feels like something we can have a little bit of and it won't hurt anything.....
Other times it's obvious that it's throwing our life way out of balance.

I need some more coffee to ponder this one.

Thanks shteeb, ill have some coffee too but i prefer gold blend...
www.foulgersdairy.co.uk/images/Nescafe_Coffee_Gold_Blend_100g.jpg

you got it

do they make it in decaf?

I thought it was decaf

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.
Ronald Reagan

nice quote zemmy! i liked ronald... i personally do not drink decaf but they may make it.

Last night I was in a familiar situation where i suddenly found myself with a few minutes without accountability and the chance to "quickly" act out.

I cant remember who said it or where i read but on one of the GYE venues someone suggested concentrating on the positives of being clean rather then the negatives of acting out. That stunted the "suddenly" effect and allowed to me to employ the tools that i have acquired this past year here to get home without even a slip, thank G-d!

You are where your thoughts are.
Makes sense.
kutgw

an honest mouse wrote on 05 Aug 2011 13:46:

greeeeeeat!!!

i also remember that idea, i think it was Eyenonymous who wrote about it and it is a very important yesod
i will try to find it and post it

Blind Beggar wrote on 03 Jul 2011 21:21: