I think that I will push off replying for another day.

Lol

C.A what's your reason?
Y.H - I pushed it off 2 days so there! 

i am ashamed to say this  :'(, but as part of my watching p**n and Mas*urbating i have also become a big procatinator, and i pushed off more than 25 math chapters so now i am catching up and it will take more than half of my summer even though thankfully i will still be able to enjoy most of it. but 25 chapters is a lot and i generally push of starting my work till late and have to work through my break a lot. beat that!  :-[

OK. Let's have a "who is the biggest idiot" contest.



I win!! ;D

HAHAHAHAHAH! its no worth the argument we all know deep down i am the winner of that one too! there is a certain quote my dad says when i do something stupid and that is "there is no cure for stupidity" any way we can let Mr.Dov say he is if it makes him happy!  but we all know who really is so when you have that just under the serface titles don't mean much!  :D

I feel your pain. No kid, of any age, should have to have that said to them, in my opinion...

I second that, adding that anyone who can learn from their past, take measures to rectify it and live a better life, such a person is not stupid. Not only not stupid, such a person brings to the world a continual Kiddush Hashem. There is no higher honor.

i think he says is sort of jokingly, and generally after i do things that are not the smartest like playing basketball when i am sick and getting more sick or playing basketball when i am injured and making it worse, and typing in a random password to my filter so i would not know (obviously he does not know why, si from his point of view it was not very bright). but i love him till death!  what i do probably does not garner that or some other things he says which hurt a little bit, but i know he loves me and he shows that in other ways!

wow! 25 chapters is a lot!! i've also made myself get really behind coz of p*** & mast. which made me really stressed and anxious and leads to more p*** & mast... a terrible cycle! I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people here had that kind of experience, it's a horrible feeling. bH I haven't had that kinda experience for a long time...

Ok I've decided I'm gonna give up the title of no.1 procrastinator, it used to be me but I don't want it anymore, I'm gonna let chazak and reb yosef fight it out... good luck... may the the slowest one win!

Dov - you are NOT an idiot!!!! far from it!!

Believe me it is not a title i wish i had(have) but hopefully i can focus on that more when i get to 90 days and beyond. And Dove is certainly not an idiot no one here is! have a great day both of you guys!

back to the normal reporting....

this evening I was really stressed, there was lots going on and all the issues were at dead ends, stuff was piling up. A couple of months ago, I would've turned to lust. It would've got my mind off everything and made me feel better whilst I was chasing whatever it is I chased. I would feel like I was accomlishing something and at least I was getting there with something.

bH I didn't tonight, for a second I thought, in the past, I would've gone after lust now but I'm not gonna do that, so what do I do instead? How do I distract myself from the stress and despair buliding up inside of me? what's the alternative? but then I sat back, took a few deep breaths and said, 'H'shm, help me through this, I know you'll make it right when it's time', and then I felt a lot better. I'm seeing that stress also leads to lust as a way out for me, and I've gotta remember that I have H'shm with me for that too, otherwise the lust will creep in through the back door before I know it...

Thanks for listening! 

Incredible - nice job!

It's an interesting feeling, isn't it, when we realize that we're in a situation where it would've been "normal" for us to turn to lust, but now we're not doing that anymore?

I nearly fell this afternoon. I was at college using the computers there to study, they are filtered but not strongly enough for a torah jew. I was overcome by an urge to follow my curiosity and see what would happen if i searched for something. It lead me to a bunch of videos on youtube. I played cat and mouse with them for about 20 mins, keeping the browser open, coming back and clicking on the video but closing it before i really saw anything, till i got a hold of myself and closed the browser, quickly finished my work and left.

I wouldn't say it was great but it was a victory for 3 reasons. 1) I've come 18 days without juggling lust like a hot potato, which is a big improvement. 2) i started slipping and i didn't do any mast which is a first 3) it was my quickest recovery. So at least I can be happy about that. We have to take the positives from our struggles.

I'm sharing this coz of a quote from dov on one of the emails where he says he has to offload the lust otherwise it builds up and leads to acting out. im taking the lesson so - thanks dov!

s.b i dont think im there yet it was only a one off (so far). im worried that my clean streak is only coz my wife became tehora after so long (15 weeks plus 8 months of 'morning sickness') and the build-up to shavuos. they will both be gone soon plus i will be on study break for exams for 3 weeks, so no external structure, i do badly without structure and ive ALWAYS acted out during the study break. I know im worrying about the future and i should be saying 'one day at a time' but i think we have to find the right balance between o.d.a.a.t and having the tools ready to face the nisyonos we know we're vulnerable with.

Just some thoughts (sorry my thoughts are always so long!) feel free to correct, comment or suggest. Thanks so much for listening!!

1) You may not be perfect yet, but what I said still holds true - you experienced something new, and that's a great feeling!

2) Living one day at a time doesn't mean to the exclusion of planning ahead - if you know that a nisayon is coming, you should absolutely prepare. My understanding of odaat is that when it comes to fighting a nisayon, we only fight the nisayon of right now, instead of trying to fight the nisyonos of the next week (or month, or year) all at once.

3) You should do your best to prepare and structure your time while preparing for exams. part of the structure can include 30 minutes of reading for relaxation, 45 minutes of exercise, 20 minutes of listening to music, etc.

4) YOU ROCK!!!