This morning, just as i stepped out of my house, I could see in the distance that my neighbour (who I still haven't seen properly in 2 months bH) was standing out of the house, so....i just turned around and went the other way, even though I would be a few minutes late for work, I thought - who cares, I'm not going down that road again just to be on time for work!

I wish everyone a lichtigen chanuka, one where we can be thankful for the light in our lives that we have and one where we can finally realise that it makes sense to increase the light - not the darkness!

beautiful! you brought more light into the world and you doubled it by sharing it!

silentbattle wrote on 01 Dec 2010 06:14:


sb, i forgot to answer you - that's a good point, it's no good resting on my laurels, I have to learn from the actual fall as well as being thankful for the victory. I was triggered when i went into my history to delete the stuff i had seen - i should've realised i was hyper-sensitive to that (as i had lusted with it already) and called my partner to do it while on the phone with him. Thanks for pointing that out!

That's what it's all about - every temptation we face, whether we win or lose, is always an opportunity for us to examine ourselves and our reactions, to learn more about our motivations, and what we need to do to grow.

I need to remember that more, too.

I had a few falls last week. They were caused by the following.

I have been going to a 1.30 mincha which is nearly 15 mins walk away.Last week it was so cold and snowy (in the UK) that I thought I will go to the 1pm mincha right across the road. if i go there, i have about 40mins lunchbreak at my desk and i innocently thought (idiot) that i will watch something on youtube for half an hr while i eat. youtube is full of triggers that lead to the sheol tachtis and it is far too dangerous for someone like me to do that.

So this week, I'm gonna walk through the -3c to the 1.30 so i wont have free time at my desk and instead will learn in the shul for the leftover time.

I must also train myself to call for help as early as possible when a lust urge strikes.

I have let my taphsic method slide in the last couple of weeks, i got lazy and didnt renew it (as the handbook warns) and I have not been using "step in to action" to work the steps as i said i would...

just a floundering mouse being honest...

Do mice eat Flounder Fish?  :-\

You can set K-9 to block youtube completely. True there are times that it blocks relatively innocent videos.  Its a small price to pay for sobriety. Moreover the related videos link will inevitably link to a problematic video its just a matter of time.  Its just too dangerous.  Hatzlacha

I put K9 on the home computer that both the kids and a home-office-business-employee use. It's gotten so annoying that I might need to uninstall it. (I was hoping that the "store a history only; don't shut down the machine" settings might fix the problem, but I think it's more serious.)

I only say this so you won't take K9 as the salvation for everything and that imposes no hardship at all.

And, of course, I post all this just to say, hi.

Hi.

Sounds like you have good plans - please put them into action, and keep us posted - even if you don't have to use them, let us know how you set them up, and how it felt!

Thanks for your replies guys.

ur-a-jew - I have k-9 all streaming things at home - I cant watch any video without my wife's permission - the problem is - I'm at a temporary job and i havent really had my own computer that i can put a filter on, it lasts for 2 more weeks and then im out be'H. I know that it's a very bedieved situation.

Briut - thanks for stopping by!

sb - i have been reaching out earlier on the past few days & have been doing the longer mincha but have still not forced myself to renew my taphsic or work 'step into action'...

I've been feeling a little weak today. I had a triggering dream last night (btw, this morning i got hagboh and the father of the girl in my dream got geliloh - no coincidence!I think it was a reminder that she is someone's daughter and a human being not a lust object - at least that's how i took it) and saw a few triggers and had a few opportunities to lust which i whiteknuckled through (including the opportunity to stare at my neighbour which i passed up bH).

Then at work i messed something up and got set-back about half an hour, felt  the urge to escape into 'the other world', so i left my desk and sent a text to my partner - it's only half an hr - take a deap breath and keep going - if i start surfing i'll waste a lot more! thats not the solution! bH i pulled through and im still lorrying through.

AHM, sounds like you are aware of your emotional state and are reaching out when needed. those are good things in my book

does 'reaching out' really work?

it does if i want it to, meaning if i let go of the lust while speaking to the person ive reached out to, if i can offload it and get my perspective back to my real life, then it works. If i still cling to it even though ive shared it - it most probably wont work.

Does that answer your question teddy?

in other words - attitude. problem is if i really want to act out, i'll text somebody but i know that this is my excuse. i 'acted out' cuz i reached out and it 'didn't help' so i don't feel so bad about acting out.

ATTITUDE
got to change my attitude.
i hear.