over shabbos my 5th step call really helped me (thanks steve!)

ive just started work so im not around to help my wife with the kids as much anymore, it was a tough and tiring week on both of us. I was really looking forward to shabbos, for the rest, the spirituality and time with the family but when i came home from shul, things weren't ready, i could see my wife was finished off, so instead of sulking that things didnt go my way, i took over with both kids, got everything ready etc and let my wife just sit there, i thought of things from her perspective instead of mine, i was totally calm! i really surprised myself and i still had a totally beautiful friday night even though things didnt go as i planned! wow!

today step 1 really helped me. the way my partner explained it to me. to me life being unmanageable had to mean that i was losing a quantative part of my life to this, ie i couldnt catch up the missed time. My partner disagreed, if the quality of my life isnt what it should be, ie relatioship with wife, kids, parents, learning, chesed etc then thats also unmanagable in a different way.

so today when the lust urges came, i reminded myself that my life is unmanagable when i start lusting...

Atta boy Thats how the savages in america talk. It  means somthing like great job keep on truckin.

I am so impressed wiith all your growth .I hope to one day reach what you have achieved.

an honest mouse wrote on 17 Oct 2010 21:36:
It sounds to me like you really have valuable friends, ashrecha!

oy, after my good weekend and all your wonderful encouragement, i fell twice again today. bH i get straight back up after a fall now and dont wollow in self pity mode feeling out of the program. But the q. is, why do i keep falling? 12 falls in 15 days, thats pretty bad. Its like im doing really well and well into recovery at the weekend coz of shabbos and being around my family but during the week im a different person, ive just about started out and am falling all over the place...

i talked it over with my partner, he reackons im not truly working the steps and im not stepping aside for Hashem to do the work, so he leant me 'step into action', which im gonna read and im also gonna read the white book...

Hello HM,

1.) What safeguards do you have in place to at least make falling more difficult?

2.) What are the consequences of a fall?  It doesn't sound like you've set up any.  If each fall, for example, were to cost you $200, wouldn't that be a serious deterrent?

Dear Honest Mouse,

just dropping in to let you know that like everyone else here, I too am getting a lot of chizuk from your positive attitude and constant striving.

Oh my goodness!!!  I just figured out what KOT stands for!!!!


ok KOT
:)w

What pray-tell, does reading the white book or AA have to do with working the steps? Only working them is 'working them'. Studying them is just fun, if you ask me. Good clean fun, mind you, but still just 'fun'....

Kedusha - its a real honour to have u drop by here!
1) ive employed various safeguards for different things, i call my partner, i got rid of my camera phone, i put a filter on my computer and my wife has the password to the computer. The matsav is that if you dont have the attitude right, safeguards arent enough, i need the right attitude and to learn how to really work the steps.
2)im very wary of deterrents because in my experience, when i want it, ill do anything to get it, the stress of the deterent will just add to the stress and anxiety which leads to a fall, i think. But, i really appreciate what you've pointed out and i will rethink those issues, thanks!

World - thanks, it means a lot that i can still give someone chizuk even in such a matsav.

dov - whats wrong with a bit of clean fun?! seriously, i feel reading these books will give me a better understanding of how to work the steps, ie what my practical avodah should be. I think ive been cruising, 'yeh im on the call so im ok', i had a great step 3 so thats it, instead of going over it every day and delving deeper. Ive been too superficial i think, i feel that 'step into action'will give me a derech to travel...

today was clean & great btw...

Sounds great!

i fell twice again today, im really can see that i cant afford to take the 1st lust hit, because once i open it up im powerless, i have to put the break on at that point, but what if my partner is unavailable, i havent quite got the knack of surrendering it to Hashem on my own, i try but it isnt deep enough, i dont get out of my head that way...

i really dont want to hit rock bottom but i fear that is the only way im gonna start recovering properly...

how do i hit rock bottom whilst still on top? (i know thats the point of GYE but im not sure how to apply it...)

Hitting Rock Bottom while still on top....

Option 1:
Instructions:
Stand on your head.
Preferably on a hard floor.
Do this until it comes naturally.
For best results, do this from the top of your local skyscraper.

Option 2:
Visit the sick ward of a hospital

Option 3:

Imagine getting caught. By someone you you really care about, and whom would be very disappointed in you, or worse.
Only works if you have a VIVID imagination.
Otherwise, kindly actually get caught to best experience the feeling.

Option 4:

All of the above.

HM,
Just of couple of words of Nechama.
Being aware of the problem and facing it is very valuable.
Don't despair!
You will get out of this...
sheepishly,
k

1.) Picture yourself 20 years from now, wondering how the heck did so many decades of my life disappear into oblivion?  When we act out repeatedly, our life becomes one big blur of falling and regret.  But, if we live one day at a time, staying clean and living with a purpose, then each day will be meaningful, b'Ezras Hashem.

2.) Would you rather buckle down for 90 days (one day at a time), or suffer for the next 90 years?  It's your choice (but choose carefully, because not only you, but your wife and children will likely pay dearly if you, c"v, make the wrong choice).  It won't even take 90 days for things to get easier - you just need to start, one day at a time, to get the trash out of your system.  You desperately need to detox from all the pollution; instead, you keep sticking your head in the chimney.  Remember, you're making no promises about tomorrow, so why not stay clean today?

3.) At the risk of being repetitive, without any consequences, what's to stop you from, c"v, falling again today - more than once (please don't!)?  Falling has to be more painful than not falling, otherwise what's to deter you from falling?