Hey its been 4 months that you have been behaving yourself (says my disease). Why not take a little risk, just bend one rule "slightly" that you agreed to as part of your sobriety plan. And when you get that deep guteral rush of lust (as you consider this new endeavor) do not take it as a sign from Above that this is crazy for you to even contemplate. Just go ahead...this time it will be different. Instead of thanking G-d for reminding me how sick I still am I should argue with my sponsor because he wants me to protect myself (still an alien concept) I JUST WANT THE RUSH!

So here it goes: My Omnipotence Inventory

I think that I"m the best and most gifted person at what I do and therefore I'm bound to succeed at this crazy task.
I would be depriving the world of my great talents if I didn't go ahead
I would be depriving myself of money if I didn't do it.
I shouldn't have to think of the risks to others that my participation in this could cause.
I shouldn't have to "protect myself" from anything because I am all powerful and to accept help is a sign of weakness.
Who does he think he is to tell me that I can't think for myself (in this area).
If I am not superman then I must be a real piece of dirt.
I shouldn't have to hold myself back from this excitement, afterall life is pretty boring

Ok (illness) I'm surrendering. I am powerless over you. On my own I would have let you slow-walk me back into hell. I may not be able to avoid your temptations but I can walk away from you and its the walking away that is giving me joy. You are a forgetting disease so I will need someone to remind me alot of times before I'll remember myself.Today I'll wear a rubber band on my wrist and snap it every time I think about it again.

I hope this helps someone else

Dear Yosef, 

"Ok (illness) I'm surrendering. I am powerless over you. On my own I would have let you slow-walk me back into hell. I may not be able to avoid your temptations but I can walk away from you and its the walking away that is giving me joy. You are a forgetting disease so I will need someone to remind me alot of times before I'll remember myself.Today I'll wear a rubber band on my wrist and snap it every time I think about it again."

When you say you are powerless over the lust and that you are "walking away from it" - how do you do that?? I've read much about  giving in to submissiveness and just letting go, but can you explain a bit more how you are able to mentally just walk away?  Thanks

yea - it brought a smile to my other wise down look today.

I get stuck at both ends of the spectrum...
when I am down (or heading that way) my YH says - OH, I see you are heading down...and not feeling good about yoursefl...let me help you out... how baou a dose of your fav p*** station to bring out hte worse in you.

and when I am feeling confident, creative, succesful (I like your defintions) ...my YH checks the memory banks and says, hmmmm...do all those things and you will feel good about yourself...well... we have not been programmed to feel good, so lets see...what have we been programmed to fell...sad, miserable, depressed...you surely are not deserving of being in a good mood...so here - lets have a good ol'dose of your fav p***.

and then BAMMO!!!

loose loose situation -
unlesss we change our old programming.

Yosef wrote on 11 Apr 2010 15:02:


Whoa! How did you break into my house and steal the rules-for-living poster I had on my wall!! My [old] life in a nutshell!! I thought I had tossed it out with the recycling!! And now you find it again, and worse yet you tell me it's all a lie yet it's still lying around my house. 

Man, I've got SOOOOO much work to do. Thanks for the pick-me-up (as in, pick me up off the floor, dust me off and help me start all over again). Yes, you've been helpful.

This roller-coaster-ride of a day has me pretty pooped out, but you guys are more important to me right now.  So listen. Once upon a time G-d created the first sex addict. He went to the doctor but the doctor couldn't help. Then he went to the psychiatrist and he was even a bigger joke. Then he tried a psychologist and he also didn't have a clue. So then G-d had an idea. He would have one addict helping another. And that worked!

I am not able to walk away from lust ever. I am INCURABLE!!! Once I get started I cannot stop. The only thing that saved me today was feeling that I had no option but to surrendering my stinking thinking to another addict's thinking (about my situation).  By myself I am pityfully powerless over the urge. Once I accept that I am truly  powerless and I'm so nauseated by the consequences of acting out, then I am glad to turn to my SA sponsor because he is a "power greater than myself" . What makes him more powerful than me? He is also an addict (and hes gone much further than me too in his acting out). The answer: he has been clean for 27 years and he has been living right for all that time. that makes him wiser and more powerful than little-old-me. You might say he is a shliach that G-d speaks to me through him and the whole SA program for that matter. But it doesn't really matter.

Also its not simply a "mental" walking away. It requires a willingness to take action. Once you really want to do something, anything different to avoid hellish torture that follows then you just find you have the strength to do it. How do you describe a spirtual experience? I have been forced to admit that I need my new group that I go to every week and my new group of addict-friends. We all share phone numbers. I need a sponsor. I can call him just about any time and I will take alot of crap from him because I know that he is as sick or sicker than me; and I know that he loves me and that his sobriety depends on mine. He can get away with pushing me around because I know he wants to save my life and has no profit motive. It is the purest love. He tells me lots of stories about what his sponsors did for him and his committment to give back what he took.

The " re-programming" that I am getting is the daily experience of surrendering my will and feeling loved and accepted and understod for the first time.. And as my self-esteem gets stronger I actually start ripping down those posters on my wall that tell me I'll never be anything or anybody and I replace them with really self-protective behaviors for the first time because man I'm worth protecting. What a little gelt compared to me. I made a phone call today and told the guy - no deal. I can't describe the joy the relief and the lightness that I feel.  I never felt this good even during the times before heavy acting out! Its  late here in Israel. Good night.

Yehuda had some good ideas -

why bother keeping the old posters on your walls when you can make new ones.

there is a site where you can make your own motivational posters:
bighugelabs.com/motivator.php

See there home page for other neat things you can do with your photos, too.

Gevaldik!!
    Thanks!!

If I might add a little humor into this serious thread:

you can also try "despair.com" which makes satirical versions of corporate motivation posters. Funny stuff like, "customer service: we're not happy until you're not happy." They also have a "do it yourself" corner to upload pix & captions -- free low-res download or $ to order big posters.

So, make your own as a 'serious' take-away from this thread, or just imagine a really FUNNY one as a distraction. You pick.

OK, back to (the serious) work.

briut - that was funny.
I nearly blew my coffe out of my nose!!!