I just fell!!
and i fall once a week
i tried everything but the best i've ever done is 2 weeks clean.
i read all the stuff on gye but it doesn't help me anymore even though i significantly improved my shmiras einaym.
I really don't know what to do and i'm totally lost !!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE HELP ME!

Hey Tshuvayid,

When I fall I always try and do two things. The first is to try and remain positive and not to let the YH blow things totally out of proportion. By this I mean not giving in to despair and the belief that I am a worthless human being who is beyond hope and Tshuva. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Once I've calmed down and wiped the 'tears' so to speak from my face, I next think about the reasons behind the fall. Sometimes I have to fall repeatedly before I make a truly honest introspection, but eventually the causes of my falls become apparent. Once the dangerous behaviour(s) have been identified, they can be avoided.

One final thing: it's one things saying to ourselves that we're never going to do something again, but it's another MEANING it. The hardest part is to genuinely want to let go of lust or whatever it is that causes you to 'act out' and fall. This can take years for anybody to achieve so just chill out, persevere and forge on forwards.

I hope that helps.

Keep on charging/trucking and TC,

DL

Hey TY,

Beautifull that you have the koach to reach out for help. Dont take that lightly. Her's some advice for next time. I notice that the number of your posts is a mere 14? How about posting more. Wed love to hear form you and how your doing especially when youre doing well.

Keep that head above water!

-Yiddle

tshuvayid wrote on 21 Mar 2010 22:13:


You improved your Shemiras Eineim, you have managed to stretch it from one week to 2 weeks....

That is real real progress...
Lets make a Lechaim...

There seems to be this misconception that unless you eradicate the whole thing (which is often way too much to reach for... ), you failed..

No No No, Continue what you were doing and you"ll continuously move forward in small increments... What's so bad about that?

Peace and Love Holy Bro...

Keep on trucking!!

Gauge success on where you fell from and from were you bounce back to!!

tshuvayid wrote on 21 Mar 2010 22:13:


Dear TshuvaYid,

First of all, congratulations on keeping 6 days every week ! Sounds like this "once a week" thing is a pattern. Tell us more, maybe we can help you figure out what the trigger is...does it get progressively harder as the week goes on until you break, or not ? Does it usually happen during the weekends ? Any specific emotional feelings during the hours beforehand ? Any other pattern you can think of ?

I just fell too. Maybe we should make a lichaim.

I was 45 days clean and I let down my guard.After a fall I  try to ask myself what could I have done that would have prevented me from falling?

Here the answer is that I am now home for bain Hazmanim and I did not stay focused on Hashem and I did not have a strong schedule. I felt I could use a few days to chill out. But I need to feel I am productive to not fall. So that is a lesson I learned the hard way. Yes less structure but MAKE sure I have some.

Sorry for stealing your show. If you want to chat I would be glad to. IM me your email address and I will be in touch.

Ani Hakatan says:

We are accomplishing more by learning to make a L'chaim after a fall (for all we've accomplished thus far, and will accomplish further...)... Perhaps more than any other accomplishment...

Brothers, you are an inspiration....

thanx everyone.
the thing is i am not on gye while everything is ok cause i even don't want to think about the issue.
yesterday i was very depressed and alone.I had also a lot of work. these elements altogether might have triggered the desire for lust.

You know, your last post just made me realise part of exactly what i've been doing wrong (so thanks for that!): I also just post on GYE when I've fallen. I think the key here is to probably involve ourselves more in the community - even when we're 'clean' and feeling like we can conquer the world!
I know exactly what you mean about not coming here because you don't want to focus on it when you're clean - that's exactly how I feel too, but the more I analyse my own falls, the more I see that that's just another trick of the Y"H (well mine anyway) trying to keep us away from the help that we desperately need.

I fell tonight and I fall every 2/3 days so you're well ahead of me so that's something to be proud of. Keep up the good work!
Just hearing that you manage a week sometimes give me great Chizzuk to keep going on.

Sorry for talking a lot about myself in this post... truth is posting helps...

dmaot wrote on 22 Mar 2010 20:19:


Exactly!!!!

From my personal experience. This is my 134th post. Fully 100% of the credit for my 62 days is due to my constant involvement in the GYE community. Even when I am away from the computer I tend to think about what was written here and what I can add to the conversations going on in this holy forum.

This is my staff; I shall not let go.

THANKS FROM DEEP IN HEART!

i unfortunately just fell again. but i don't feel upset since it is exactly what the menuval wants.

we all need to keep the simcha deep inside in trying to serve Hashem even with our Y"H. Because from one

fall one can become greater and have a better understanding of what means milchemes Hashem.

dmaot you're totally right, i should post more often. It makes us feel like we're not alone in this struggle!

besides what i just wrote, i still have a question: 3 or 4 days after a fall, i always forget my deeds and i

behave  as if it never happened. would it be  better to keep the aveirah in mind to prevent another fall?

mimamakim kerosicho H'!!!!!!!!

ונתחזק כולנו יחד!!!!!!!!!

Why you waiting 3 or 4 days? Immediately afterwards start acting as if you never fell!

We are not on the level of David Hamelech who said V'chatasi lenegdi samid. We should act as if we never sinned. When we reach a later stage we will come back to rectify our past deeds.

For now keep looking forward, moving forward, going forward. Only FORWARD!!!!!!!

I hear what you are saying but that means even not thinking about that in davening...
I mean that is not so poshut: if I want to be mesaken sthing i need to get rid of the aveirah. and it' s only after a very hard work that i actually forget the aveirah i.e not feelling  any desire anymore. But acting as if it has never been doesn't actually mean i forgot the desire.

agav, i am addicted for "only" a year and a half and i don't know if getting rid of it is easier than people who deal with this struggle for years