I regret to inform that I lost myself loiniess gets to strong for me and I broke my streak today I feel like a total loser one who can not do anything and now that I have a poss. shiduch I am sure its not going to work as once I loose the battle nothing ever goes right I hate my self I do not know how I will ever overcome

You're only human, Hashem understands you're trying. Don't get down on yourself, that's dangerous. As long as you're still in the game, even if you have repeated falls - there's still hope and you are doing great things! But the moment you let dispair in and start to give up, you let yourself slip away and all can be lost!

I think Hashem prepared for you the Refuah before the Maka. Just today, this entire page was written. Start from the top and read all the way down through the bottom. I'm sure it will help get you back up!