_

Amen! That's great!

And it's a reminder to us all - every time we have a victory, for every second that we win, it's worth a celebration - it's worth a party!

Thank you!

I have written many a time
"She may be a problem

But but

She is not YOUR problem"

Mazal tov on you victory the jouney of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

KEEP ON TRUCKING!
b

bardichev wrote on 07 Mar 2010 12:35:


??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???

I'm a little slow on the pickup...

Dear Kadosh,

I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Congratulations on your victory! I don't know what Aveirah you overcame, but if it was znus with a non-Jewish women, maybe this page can help with some perspective.

As far as the lust addiction goes, scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

guardureyes wrote on 07 Mar 2010 19:54:


I also had difficulty until I started using the online chart/counter. It helps keep things in perspective.

KEEP ON POSTING!!! Post every day. Post your good days. Post your other days. Post when the Yetzer Horah is with you. Post when he leaves you. Other will reply. They will encourage you. No war is won with a single soldier fighting alone. We are all in it together!

KEEP ON POSTING!!!

Realize that you CAN do as much as you want...one day at a time. Can you be clean for one day? Good! No, GREAT! Then you can be clean for 90 days, one day at a time. And beyond 90.

As you go, you start to learn about yourself - like yes, I can survive without mas*&%^&n, etc. Really - i can. This was a shock to me when I started this journey!

Some days, it still is. I remind myself that I don't have to follow my desires all the time. It's incredible how liberating that feels!

She is a "problem"
But but she is not my "problem"

This is an effective attitude

When a person sees someone very triggering it is many times the YH who asks all the right questions
How does this woman dress that way?
Who is her husband?
Why are woman dressing like this?


All this comes from the YH. Hewants to keep the woman alive in your mind

So ignore ignore ignore

She is not my wife forgetaboutheRrrr

B

bardichev wrote on 09 Mar 2010 02:16:


Got it... Thanks...

I think one obvious step is for us to get our eyes and hearts involved with other things...so that even if we follow them they're leading us to...hey! is this a gemara?  ;D

How are you doing in general? Anything new with plans for the future?

Remember, one day at a time- you can stay clean for one day, and that's all you need!