shemirateinayim wrote on 03 Mar 2010 14:21:


You are very right!

The gemoro says: Rav would whip with lashes whoever slept on his back. It can bring kishui ever.

The same is paskened in Halocho. (See the halochos of going to sleep, after Kri'as Shma Sh'al Hamitah.)

Sorry, but while I agree there's always room for self IMPROVEMENT, I don't feel there's a place for expecting PERFECTION from a hormonal teenager who after all has the guts to come onto a forum like this.

He's already doing lots of challenging work on issues in his own bedroom. Maybe we can give him a break so he can also have energy to work on growth in some other areas of his life, too.  I've just seen too many youth get too many over-strong messages ending up in too awful to contemplate circumstances leading to too awful to discuss consequences including death.

Chazak Amenu, you're on a good road of self-improvement. Letting anyone else put you on a guilt trip for confessing your most private of concerns is... unnecessary. End of story in my book.

I'm hoping someone else is reading this and will chime in to give the na'ar a little more chizzuk and fewer admonitions of Chazal.

Briut wrote on 03 Mar 2010 18:02:


For anybody struggling with an internet addiction to hold them accountable for what they do when they are unconcious seems unreasonable. 

Secondly, to hold them accountable for what they do when they are awake... Effort to avoid inappropriate websites and zera vatolah during conciousness is something taht should be HIGHLY commmended.  Indeed, there is a famous maseh with Rav where he states that had he been in somebody elses shoes he didn't know whether he could restrain himself.

I am very impressed Chazak Amenu for striving in this territory... and I am jealous.. I wish I would have had the courage to do what he is doing now at his age...

Hatzlacha RABBA,
mekubal

Rebuke accepted. :-X

I should be ashamed of myself for quoting only half of the conversation with my Mashgiach. (Again, this conversation was quite a few years ago, so my memory may be very inaccurate _{[See how long I'm struggling with this Y"H?]}). The Mashgiach continued on to say that for starters I should only concentrate on keeping the days clean. I should not worry about the nights - yet. When my days will be clean, the nights will clean themselves up too. At my level, Hashem is not expecting much about the nights.

The days SHOULD be kept clean though...........................

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 03 Mar 2010 18:24:

Yosef, may you be blessed with everything Good for this last clarification! Thanks! If Chazak Amenu had an open channel with a Rav on these topics (gulp), I'm guessing he'd take a similar tack.

As to clean days, I think about how I wash down my shower stalls. The first time, I'm just wiping out the gross mildew in the corners. The next time, I polish up the tiles. Next time, I put a toothbrush with bleach into the grout. Next time... etc etc. Yet it's all called cleaning the bathroom.

Chazak Amenu, you are a gibbur. Focus on the add'l YEARS of progress you'll have compared to those of us who waited so many years longer before tackling this. And don't let your body become the enemy.

And if the shower doesn't get sparkling clean on the first wash-down, you'll get some more in the next round. Hadran alecha...

Briut wrote on 03 Mar 2010 18:56:

Amen!

Briut wrote on 03 Mar 2010 18:56:


Wow you are realy in-to your pesach cleaning! Kol hakavod for giving your wife a break. 

but just one question....after they are cleaned for pesach, do you lock them shut until pesach?

Last night i had another "wet dream" and let me clarify i had not had any association with anything inappropriate or porn or fantasizing! my dream was short and had no nudity it was obviously inappropriate though. i did not feel my ejaculation and therefore did not receive any pleasure from it thank G-d! right after i had another dream about me sliding down a steep river to escape from the police. and than i woke up drenched in sweat absolutely soaked in in it and when i got out of bed i was shaking furiously. when i realized i had a wet dream i change my pajamas and than went to sleep again but not easily. i don't know what to do or why i felt so shaky and was so sweaty can someone please help i am feeling really low! :'(

Chazak Amenu wrote on 04 Mar 2010 14:25:


I won't go into any long chizuk here except to repeat my concern that teenagers should not be thinking of wet dreams as aveirahs in and of themselves. You weren't even fantasizing in your dreams (would even that be an aveirah?) and your behavior during the day was fine.  Why is it a "thank G-d" experience that you didn't experience any pleasure from that event? Why should the goal be to eliminate this biological certainty?

I'm sorry, but my basic chizuk is that you should try to feel better about the situation, about yourself, and about the body that Hashem gave us men to manage. You're a good Jew, you're normal, and your attempts to get even better are commendable if they are balanced against your attempts to grow in every area of your Yiddishkeit.

Thank you for replying, i understand what you are saying and feel better about it. i was just disappointed because i have not seen any p**n and feel like it was subconsciously put back into my head even though i have been controlling myself. i am in no way blaming myself. 

Whew!  Sh'koiach. Glad to hear you've got your head on straight.

Enjoy your day (and, by the way, your night also).

Chazak Amenu wrote on 02 Mar 2010 15:00:


"once they start..."

Is this a standard course in growing up!?

Chazak Amenu wrote on 04 Mar 2010 14:25:


YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!!

The Holy Steipler Goan says that such an episode is NOT a sin! It is a natural release from your body, much like going to the bathroom to relieve yourself. If you did not bring it on with your thoughts during your waking hours, it is not your fault AT ALL!

Just take a good long shower .

P.S. The second dream may have come from your anxiety about the first dream......  :-\

A big giant AWMEIN! to Yosef for his post.

I say this both for your sake and the sake of who-knows-how-many teens who lurk on the sidelines of this Forum and deserve to hear the same thing.  I'll bet you are so TOTALLY not alone on this -- you're just the only one with the guts to show up and speak his mind.  Good for you!

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 03 Mar 2010 17:46:


I have neck pain. I often am in too much pain to fall asleep on my side. What now?