* WARNING THIS IS A SERIOUS THREAD*

PURIM IS COMING

WE ALL NEED HELP

THE CRAZY OVER-SHIKRUSS IS A MAKKAS MEDINAH

I WILL NOT BE A PARTY POOPER

THERE ARE MANYMANY PITFALLS FOR PEOPLE

ON SUCH A HEILIGEH DAY

LETS TALK OPEN AS ADULTS

LETS PREPARE OURSELVES

TIPS ADVICE MUSSAR

SAY IT HERE

SO  WE CAN ALL HAVE A PURIM THAT WE REMEMBER FONDLY


(PS NO ONE LIVES PURIM ALL YEAR LIKE ME SO IF I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS IT REALLY IS SERIOUS)

No problem with anyone fulfilling "Chayav Inish L'vesumei" if they're otherwise Makpid on Halacha, not sensitive to alcohol, know where to draw the line, do not even risk making a Chillul Hashem, and do not compromise their health/safety or the safety of others.  But, ever notice how some Bochurim who have not gotten up for Minyan since the 20th Century suddenly are concerned about fulfilling this "Halacha" with ala Hidurim and regardless of the consequences?

I cant figure out if your serious or your just serious. Im getting the feeling that this is another pub with a different name! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

KEDUSHA

I AM SORRY FOR INTERJECTING HERE

THIS IS NOT A DISCUSSION ABOUT THE CRAZY CRAZY UNCHECKED OVER SHIKRUSS

THAT IS A DISCUSSION FOR ITSELF

AND I HAVE SEEN MORE THAN ONE BOCHUR THAT STARTED WITH NEW VIGOR AFTER PURIM

I AM TRYING TO KEEP THE THREAD TO HOW DOES THE ADDICT OR ALMOST ADDICT OR THE EX-ADDICT (YES DOV I KNOW THEY DONT EXSIST)

DEAL WITH PURIM

THE DRINKING

THE GIRLS ON THE STREET

THE SEUDOS

LETS GO KEEP THE CONVERSATION ALIVE!!!!!!!!

DID this once.

My group was invited to a GIRLS PARTY to do our skit! My costume has a long hood, which I conviniently pulled over my eyes by every house. This gave me a sorta *mechitza veiw*, which darkened every person's apearance, and made it VERY easy to simply look at the furniture, without anyone thinking I was too crazy.

WHen we went to that house, I prayed to be left in the car, but we had $1000 hanging on it, and my group dragged me into the house with physical force!! SO I totaly covered my face with the hood, and left nothing but my mouth showing (it didn't go any farther down).  After staring at my shoes for a minute, I finnaly found my place to stand, and simply shut my eyes realy hard for the entire skit. But with my face totaly covered, no-one could know that, and I couldn't see them so clearly!

-edited, but whomever saw it, say hi, you now know who I am-



Either get a costume that alows you to look away, with grace, or simply take an old tallis, and cover your face like it's yom kippur itself!!

The drinking?  No one should drink more than he can handle.  If the drinking makes it harder to be Makpid on Inyanei Kedusha, there's no doubt a person is Patur.

Girls on the street?  Don't look at them any more than any other day of the year.

The Purim Seudah?  Eat it.

Hope this helps, my dear friend!

I am not sure what your asking, Bardichev. Are you asking us HOW DO WE LIVE? We do our Avodah. Yes, we are addicts, but Purim is a time to put on the mask and, ironically, bring out the real you. Deep down, we are not addicts. We are servants of the Holy One. And if theres one day a year when we can "act" like that, it would be davka in Purim. A friend of mine recently asked me: "So Yiddle what are you going to dress up for on Purim?" He expected some answer like Spongebob. I said "A Tzaddik!" Right now I am no Tzaddik. I hope to be there one day, but I just not there yet. Maybe deep down inside I am a Tzaddik and I just need to tap into that potential. Regardless, Purim is the time when I have the ability to know what it feels like to be a Tzaddik for 24 hours. Bisiyata Deshmaya, Hashem should keep the shmutz out of my head and eyes for such a holy day and everyone else's for that matter.

If you want some practical advice how we can help ourselves and do some Hishtadlus in this area is obviously staying away from a mixed seudah. With family it might be an issue but if you plan on having a seudah with friends then DONT if wives will be there.

Just my 2 cents.

Chag Sameach!

-Yiddle

By bringing this point up for discusion we already defused the most potent weapon of the Yetzer Horah, the element of surprise. The mere fact that we know to expect whatever it is that he is planning to throw our way allows us to concentrate on not getting tripped up.

We're not minimizing the avodah though, as they say, the Devil is in the details...


As to the title of this thread I take issue with the wording. Some of my most spiritual moments were on Purim!

YES, but if one is not holding on your darga, in your exemplary darga of midas heyasod---- He's a dead man!

There are two times that the mechtizos come-down. SImchas Torah and Purim.    On purim the women can sometimes be drunk too!! SO for a bachur, this is not a good scenario. His reservations are dulled by the alcohol, and her tnius reservations are dulled by alcohol.      ANd zugt the gemara sukah!!


:רשי
וספדה הארץ. בנבואת זכריה ומתנבא לעתיד שיספדו על משיח בן יוסף שנהרג במלחמת גוג ומגוג וכתיב משפחת בית דוד לבד ונשיהם לבד שאפי' בשעת הצער צריך להבדיל אנשים מנשים: שעסוקין בהספד. באותה שעה והמצטער אינו מיקל ראשו מהר ועוד שאין יצר הרע שולט כדקאמר קרא והסירותי את לב האבן ולקמן אמר שהקב"ה שוחטו כו' אמרה תורה כו': כאן שעסוקין בשמחה. וקרובה לקלות ראש ועוד שיצה"ר שולט עכשיו לא כל שכן:

Learn it well, in preparation for battle. I have done this for 4 years already. The first year i visualised a pillar of flames, standing before the ever changing crowd of girls/women watching me and the drunk people. Oh and I spent the yomtov in a house with 3 girls around my age....and I still didin't look

2nd Purim being shomer einayim. Collected by night, learnt alot during the day, and BH there was very little of a female turn-out, but I once again stayed at the same house (without looking at them at all).

3rd purim, missed  much of the seudah collecting, but when I did show-up, I had my wine, danced away my sobriedty, and closed my eyes every single time my face looked in the women's direction. Oh yeh and they where gathering at both ends of the living room. (Sometimes I played drunk and looked at "shsmayim", or danced with my eyes totaly shut). I was sober enough to help the women clean the place up, without looking at them once (I didn't even know what they looked like anymore).  {and my costume helped a ton!}

4th purim. Helped the "ezras nashim" get the kitchen up and running. I spent mybe 2 hours in there, and I had to repeatedly talk to the rebetzin (not related to 7up) and her daughters. Didn't look even once at any of them. I just stared at the walls, floor, and what I was doing at the moment. And shikur as I got, I only used my shikrus to totaly face the wall when talking with women, and to totally shut my eyes from any girls even young ones.

5th purim haba alainu letovah, I will be staying by a family with grown daugters. I don't know how many or how old, and it would be nice to leave saying that I never found out!!! The key to shmiras einayim, amailus, yegiah, a bit of gehenom, and above all SEYATA DISHAMAYA

-?- wrote on 21 Feb 2010 21:42:


It's hard to imagine a greater breach of Tznius.  If anyone needs a source, I recall that the Gemarah in Kesuvos says that it's not the Derech for a woman to drink wine.

as they say "you're preaching to the choir"





tell it to every single drunk girl you find. And while you are at it, launch a campaing for AA, in those circles that such a thing is neccesary. But for the next few years, those prutzim will use the effect of alcohol to dull their sencitivity to tnius in both action and dress. So for the meantime....back to the drawing board.

Kedusha wrote on 21 Feb 2010 19:42:


Kedusha, this has got to be the first time I VEHEMENTLY disagree with you. I have been shomer einayim for 4 years. I have been to people's houses for shabbas, I have walked on the street on shabbos, and I have had to communicate with girls my age on multiple occasions. You have absolutely no idea how much of a YH there is to look. And before you get to piskei dinnim that allow one to look at the woman while talking to her. For a bachur to do such a thing, especialy if he ever had an issue with p------y, is next to impossible. I did it, and I physicly felt pain in doing so. There is nothing as powerfull as this Y"H!!

DO NOT belittle the issue R Bards raised. NO NO NO NO NO!

We are about to undergo one of the greatest nissyonos in the year. The sheer amount of foottraffic on purim, coupled with our inborn curiosity to see what costumes everyone is wearing, in addition to being inebriated.... combines to make for a HUGE nissayon.

We truly do need to compare notes, and plan accordingly, in anticipation of this upcoming nissayon!

Thanks heiligeh-?-

One last time this thread is NOT to argue about overdrinking and sickos barfing their heads off

We will also not argue "if" this is an issue

This thread is HOW to prepare for purim

And how to avoid falling

If you want to share your ideas or experiences go ahaed

If you want to read about overdrinking we can make a forum or a thread for it

Let's keep this important conversation alive

I think each person needs to know themselves. I've always been terrified of getting drunk. However, I've discovered that I have two modes: 1) Loving, over-happy, into torah, and 2) belligerent. I think that the latter mode generally occurs when I'm not happy in life in general. Nowadays, i think I'm happier, so that shouldn't be a problem. But I've never really had a problem (boruch hashem) with other issues.

Nonetheless, I plan on drinking in moderation.

As far as advice - I think that getting excited about learning beforehand, and focusing on the proper idea of getting drunk (for me, that's an enhanced ability to see everything from hashem as good - that's what I've heard from my rabbeim), help - if you focus on that as you start to get drunk, it carries through, I think.

-?- wrote on 22 Feb 2010 00:38:


Until now you've agreed with me?  Not bad!

Seriously, my intent was not to belittle.  Planning is always wise.