Hey Guys,

I just fell today and it wasn't because of porn, lust or R.I.D. It was simply overconfidence mixed with curiosity and carelessness. I won't go into explicit details, but suffice it to say that my fall could have been avoided and really should not have happened. I had been clean for 50 days exactly.

The trouble is that after about a month or so clean, I start becoming complacent, and although I still regularly review my fences, they start becoming more like words on a paper rather than evoking the respect that they merit.

I begin to think, ahh, a bit of this won't hurt, you can control it, you're not really doing anything that bad anyway. I feel a bit ashamed to admit my fall, especially after all the great chizuk you guys gave me. It seems as if the YH will first try and make you sin in open battle with the big guns of lust, porn etc, but if that fails he resorts to dirty guerilla tactics and shoots from the shadows with curiosity and more subtle tactics.

I find the only way to stay clean is to renew the battle everyday. Somehow, I have to treat each new day like I fell yesterday, so my level of moral tension will always be high. The trouble is remembering this and SERIOUSLY doing it.

Anyway, thanks for listening guys and TC.

Keep on trucking and KUTGW,

DL     

Don't worry. You did great!!!  The fact that you see where you slipped, and you realize that you cannot take anything for granted turns this into a piece of your battle plan, and.... not a fall at all.

It IS a fall, if you let it pull you down. But, it appears by your post that you are using it L'tzorech Aliyah, and this is Kodesh K'doshim.......a sacrafice for Hashem's sake. And, the so called stirah of "how can I be happy now when I just fell, and after 50 days...., this is what Hashem wants. Get back up, and just continue. NOT start from the beginning, but rather...continue.

Hey Me,

Thanks for your great Chizuk! You've made me see things from a very positive perspective. I hope you're doing well.

KUTGW and keep on trucking!

DL

DL,

I second what me said.
Fall or no fall, sounds like you're on the ball.
And KUTGW and KOT to you!

Just say Fell Shmell and move on


KEEP on TRUCKING!!

Hey guys,

Thanks for taking the time to post your chizuk. I appreciate your kindness.

I hope you are doing well.

Keep on trucking and KUTGW!

DL

Advice; Dont stay down! When were down everything has a way of controling us. And for us addicts nothing could be worse. So dust yourself off, pick yourself up and keep on rollin.

Thanks I'm trying, I really am trying, lol. Right that was a shocker.

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I've thought of a way to knock myself out of a complacent frame of mind after a long clean stretch. Yesterday, whilst cleaning out my drawers, I found some old pictures of myself during the worst days of my addiction. Those images hit me with the force of a sledge hammer.

I couldn't believe the sharp and PAINFUL contrast between the person I am now to the young man I used to be. The eyes that lacked light, the inner depression that was masked by a faked smile; the darkness of that time came back to me in a flash.

One picture stands out from among the rest, and I will look at this everyday for 5 minutes, remembering what it felt like a few years ago; the misery, the bitterness and the feelings of despair. Maybe this way, I can turn the YH's scourge into a gift after all.

I don't know if you guys ever watch Star Trek (very sad I know), but as Kirk said, "I need my pain."

Have a great day guys and thanks for your support.

KUTGW and keep on trucking!

DL 

DL,

We each need to find what works for us and it is great that you have. I hope that it continues to work for you. I would also add that it makes a lot of sense to me, because by seeing this picture of yours, you are reminded of what you want and what you don't want. Urges and desires on the side, to have a glimpse of this and to be able to hold on to that want is very helpful.

Thanks for sharing!

That's one of the biggest struggles - after the newness wears off, how do we stay fresh? I know it helps me to do the opposite - to remember how good i feel when I resist the temptation!

Keep on rocking!

Use the fall to grow, look for ways to improve. It’s like walking through the blutta (mud) with every step you take, you lift your foot out of the blutta just to put it right back in but eventually with effort you make it to dry and clean place.  Remember with every fall comes growth, one step higher up the ladder of kedusha.