Over my life I've been very sheltered but since I'm lonely I end up spending a lot of time on-line. I consider myself an Internet addict... (and a not-yet porn-Masturbation addict:see the thread "I'm at the top headed down")

A part of me hates being an Internet addict... But a part of me really can't give it up... I'd be so board and lonely and no distraction from emotional pain... I don't know what to do...

Also, I have a K9 filter but it is only set to block out explicit material, You Tube for example isn't blocked out...

It leaves me with potential triggers, but I don't feel ready to give it up I'm afraid to box myself in... and be stuck lonely... I am not supposed to force myself into things I don't feel ready for (A guideline set forth to me by a Chashiva Mechanich -due to my abusive background and destructive tendency to be too hard on myself)

Is it possible to get myself to want to block out say You Tube, but in a positive non forceful way?

Hope this makes some sense to you guys...

It definitly does. i recently had a similar situation. I had gotten myself a partner. he asked me what are the things that are still triggering you?? You see i have a pretty tough filter on my comp. So i tell him, itunes. He tells me ok so delete it. I tell him i cant . I need it. I want it. Its too hard. But then i realized on my own, without being forced, that if i want to get passed this i need to take every step possible. If im really honest about trying to rid myself of this addiction, i need to take this step. So on my own i went and deleted it. It wasnt easy. it was quite hard. But i knew i cant think about it. I just need to take the leap and do it. JUST DO IT! Anyway, i did it and i have to be honest my life has actually gotten better now that i got rid of it. Now i know this reaction isnt always gonna happen, but my point is if we realize what we want and what we need to do it, then hopefully will just do it, WITHOUT BEING FORCED BY ANYONE! We will WANT to do it, knowing how much it will help us along the way!


Hope this ramble helps you a little, if not just ignore it. Thats what most people do to most of my posts! :D :D :D :D

Don't know bout everyone else but I Cant just ignore what R Imtrying has to say.... (Unless I figure out how to want to :-\ :-\ -cheesy)

Don't know why but it got me a little depwessed

Is that it? gotta just tell myself that I'm gona ruin myself...?

Wish there was something else other than scare tactics...

Why negative?? Did i say anything negative?? If i did im sorry!! I was trying to focus on the positive. No scaring tactics. Just telling yourself, if i wanna make i need to do these things. if i wanna be good this is what i want to do. I want this, and for this i need to do that, so i WANT that!

If i want an ice cream then i need to go the store. But im too lazy! What do i do?? I tell myself, if i want an ice cream i need to GO to the strore so i need to want ot GO to the store. And if i want it badly enough i will WANT to go to the store. (Not if i dont go to the store i wont get my ice cream) Lets focus on the positive not the negative. It is always alot easier, and more helpful AND WE ARE MORE WILLING TO ACCEPT IT, When it is presented in a positive way.

Do i make one bit of sense??

In your own way? Yeh :D ;D 8)

Actually not sure... Maybe I'm just feeling down   and that's why it sounds depressing to me...

I'll think about it when I'm in a better mood  ??? ??? ??? :-[ :'(

Just became very depressed....
Gona take a break... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Hey bro - I'd put it this way: You're already growing, and want to continue doing so. Therefore, you want to kick any obstacles to your fantastic growth out of the way!

Should you block youtube? Cancel your internet? Those are very specific questions, probably better discussed with a therapist or rebbe that know you very well. In the meantime, I'd say that you should get busy with life.  The more you do, you'll find you have less time to worry about all those other things.

R tzaddok hakohein writes (in tzidkas Hatzaddik ???) that when one is misgabeir over his YH in these areas, he receives a schar EXUAL to the tumah of the aveira. SO what I want you to do, is compile a partial list of your biggest triggers, including You tube. Then- using a "filtered" internet, do alittle research as to how much time, money, talent, creativity, glorification, publicity, pain, enticement, skill, artistic design, computer graphic, photo editing, vechadome (etc...)  goes into the site or industry. And when you have a ballpark of a guesstimate. Please post it.

Now realise that the finger that punches the keys to block that site....and sinues in your finger that consrtict, are partaking in an act SO HOLY. that it is equal to ALL the tumah that went into the site you are blocking!!

If you are a righty you should be using youre irght hand, since it's the more chashuv side of your body. This is in every sence a dvar mizvah, and realise that in the next few minutes you are about to me metaheir and mekadeis yourself to a level equal to the tumah of those sites. 

ANd thus Bemakom sheba'alei teshuva omdim.....(their YH was for the billboard alone. We however know how to surf 100 trillion hours of P---, so our YH was a cumilitive of all that)

*please ANYONE correct me if I am wrong with my own chiddush in the last line**

trying123 wrote on 19 Feb 2010 00:04:
Sorry to hear about this. if theres anything we can do please drop a line!! Hope you feel bettr. Shabbos is coming. I love shabbos and all the great feeling it brings!

Have a great shabbos and know that we are thinking of you.

Hey Trying123,

I hope you don't find this suggestion too simplistic, but why not try finding hobbies that don't involve you sitting in front of the computer and using the internet?

Why not join a sports club or play an instrument if you like music?

My advice would be to find alternative healthy outlets for your boredom, stress (R.I.D. etc). Unfortunately, there is no filter that cannot be circumvented or breached.

I think that the Kosher Isle of Guard's site has lots of good suggestions for interesting things to do. Perhaps that could give you some ideas.

Good luck,

DesertLion