Yes guardureyes, I have noticed that I am in more control.

Unfortunately I had a partial failure, and I think it was enough to make me restart my count. I want a totally clean 90 days. So I am now at the end of day one.

Saying a kappitull tehillim for the new start and for all the others that need it.

Way to go! Failures are part of the process. I commend you for being able to get up and restart. Keep it up.

Think about how the YH got this you this time. What did he say to you? How did you respond?

Ask yourself some important questions so that you can learn from this failure and you'll be able to remove this weapon/strategy from the YH's arsenal.

You may consider to NOT look at it as a failure, i.e. (the way the Y"H wants you to relate to it), he wants you to believe that you can't beat him.
       How about looking at it as a battle where you absolutely beat the Y"H, he just couldn't  win. And now....you are starting a NEW battle, where you will go even longer!

Like everyone is saying here. It's the "getting up again" and not giving up, that really makes a person great at the end of the day. It's the "Battleworn" soldier that becomes the general one day!

So a couple rough days have gone by....

Last night was end of a new start - day one.

For the new start I have:

1. Set a password that I dont know
2. Changed the email on my k9 filter to someone else's on this site.
3. Gotten a parter (I can tell this will help alot from our first emails)
4. Hoping to be in on this weeks conference call
5. Still looking for a better filter.

From the 20 options on our filter section, you should be able to find other filters that work for you. I would suggest even having 2 or 3 filters running at once. This completely removes thoughts of trying to get around the filter, since it's too much bother trying to break them all.

Eme, you are doing the right steps, but what is the most impressive about you, is that when you fall, you LEARN from the fall and try NEW and BETTER approaches. It's being Misgaber each time anew that brings a person to true Deveikis with Hashem. (See the Maharal Netiv Coach Hayetzer Park 4)

Vow to yourself that you won't give up this battle until you win, no matter what and no matter how many times you fall. You may say, "but if i keep falling even AFTER I've taken so many steps, what's the use?". Let me reveal to you a secret. There are methods that can save ANYONE, no matter what they have been through. There are things we haven't even mentioned on the website, because they are only for those who are SO determined, that they've tried everything and despite nothing helping, they continue to make the effort to seek out further help. This only happens when a person truly feels this is a fight for his LIFE, and he feels he is losing everything by these behaviors - this world and the next. My point is, there is no such thing as giving up. Keep strengthening the fences that you make for yourself, as you are indeed doing, and keep looking to use out fully all the tools on the website, and keep searching for ways to make it happen. If you are determined, you WILL win this. We will help you and Hashem will help you.

Eme: I got to tell you. It is simple to "share" when everything is going great, but the difficulty is to share when one stumbles. Kol Hakavod that you have and continue to include us in your battle, which you are winning with flying colors.

I once heard, I think bishem RAv Shamshon Refael Hirsch Ztzal, although I am not sure, a beautiful explanation of the chazal: "Sheva Yippul Tzaddik Vikum". The basic interpratation is that the tzaddik (rightous person) falls seven times, and nevertheless gets up and keeps fighting.

His pshat was not that in spite of the falling he gets back up, but rather that it is through his falls that he becomes the Tzaddik. Through the constant struggling, the fight, the occasional fall, and then getting back up, he raises himself to new hights in connection with Hashem.

It is evident that you are struggling, fighting, and through the fight raising yourself up, and carrying all of us on your shoulders.

Thanks

Chasdei Avos

Chasdei Avos,

I really enjoy your Vertlach.

Chazak V'Ematz!

Ok its been a while....have been here nearly every day, but didnt post for whatever reasons.

I had an amazing clean streak of 42 days. Man oh man did it feel good. Its worth it to be clean, just to feel that good. Anyways I fell (partially), but Im getting right back up on the horse and starting from 1. I want a real clean 90 days, not with any blemishes. So today is the end of day 2. Feeling good, davening for all of you guys. Keep up the great work.

                                        CHAZAAAAAK VEMAATZ!!!!

I am on day 2, and hoping to keep it going until Shabbos.  Not that I am planning to break it on Shabbos, but at least that gives me a reasonable goal - saying 90 days just seems to impossible right now.

Rebbe Nachman tells us to live only this moment to its fullest, so a week or a month or even a year are all the same, because you are only living one day and dealing with its challenges. Tomorrow doesn't exist. As soon as you think "I am not certain I can last that long", that is SITRA ACHRA!

"ONE DAY AT A TIME".

Promise yourself that "Just for today I will remain clean no matter what".

Eme, welcome back! A true soldier never gives up. Should I put you on the chart? I forget if you once were on...
42 days under your belt is nothing to laugh at. That will stay with you forever and give you the strength to go much farther this time!

Sometimes the struggle is hour by hour or minute by minute!