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New start.....Please join me!
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: New start.....Please join me! 4707 Views

New start.....Please join me! 20 Oct 2008 17:25 #541

  • eme
So I have had many "new starts" before, and have fallen each time. After finding and reading this site, I feel inspired to try again. Thanks to all those who shared their own story. A special thank you to the creators and mods of this site - Hashem should repay your kindness and life saving work with every imaginable bracha. May we all be mechaziek one another.

I realize that the main issue for me is the actual guarding of my eyes. If I would do that it wouldnt lead to other things....

I have destroyed years of my life already and it cannot go on. I have influenced others and damages innocent neshamos and it cannot go on. I I'H hope to get married soon and cannot be responsible for ruining another innocent persons life through such behaviours.

I realize that only the Creator of the world can help me be matzliach in this enormous challenge and upwards spiritual journey, so at this time before I start I beg and cry to Him on this holy day of Hoshanna Rabah with all my soul and heart to let me succeed in defeating the yetzer horah. I know He is "eme" (with me) at all times, and wants me to win this war.

I hope to sign in nearly every day to post whether or not I had success guarding my eyes the day before. I would love to make this upward journey together with others, so feel free to post along with me every day.

~eme~
Last Edit: by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 21 Oct 2008 17:26 #544

  • me
Dear EME,

  Not only is Hashem with you, but now, ALL of us here in this forum are with you! Please believe that there is strength in numbers. The larger this forum becomes, i.e. the more members doing the same thing, i.e. involved in a very kadosh cause, the greater our power becomes. Just like when the shechinah dwells among 2 people, and ever more so with three people learning Torah, and of course when there is a minyan, the shechinah is there in even greater force. So, imagine with this group here who are all involved in the same thing....the battle for Hashem, and because this in fact may be or rather  (IS) the most difficult battle of this dor, I am sure that Hashem's attention is amongst us.

  I hope that this helps:

when I was struggling with shmiras HaEinayim, I felt that the Y"H was literally pulling and pushing my head in any direction that he wished. It was as if I had no free choice. The reason I felt like this is because...this IS what was happening. He was in control. Where ever I would walk, I tried and failed. Then, I decided to make very very small goals. I would accept upon myself, that the walk from shul to my home, (about 100 meters) I absolutely no matter what, would not look anywhere except at the ground. It was difficult, but this was a goal that I could handle. After a few times of doing this, I was able to increase the goal. During the same period when I was driving,which is much more difficult as we are looking almost everywhere in order to drive safely, I could see with my perifiel vision, that there were "interesting" things walking on the sidewalk. I literally had to scream and shout with pain in order to break the pull of the Y"H. This too worked, and immediately afterwards things became much easier.

  You are well on your way!
Last Edit: by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 21 Oct 2008 18:22 #547

  • the.guard
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Eme, thank you for joining our community! And thank you "Me" for the great reply and tips.

Yes, Eme, you have hit the nail on the head. The site is called "GuardUrEyes" because no matter how complex this disease seems to be, emotionally, psychologically, physically, etc... it all boils down to guarding the eyes. If a person can guard your eyes, he is 99.99% healed. The heart and mind may be polluted from years of abuse, but they too will become pure and holy if one learns to guards his eyes.

But there are many levels. Even for one who has stopped with the porn and masturbation for a while, may find himself still struggling with keeping his eyes clean when out on the street. This is a valiant battle. But as "Me" said, with small steps and determination, it can be done.

Me gave some great tips. Here are some more tips that I can think of now (for guarding the eyes on the street)...

1) Tell yourself that no matter how painful it feels NOT to look, it will be MORE PAINFUL to look. Why? Because when you look, there are two acute pains you will feel.
a) You feel suddenly far from Hashem and from your goals.
b) You know you can't have it anyway, and when you look - you desire it, and you can't have it, and it HURTS.
So essentially, the pain you feel when not looking is MUCH BETTER than the pain of looking.

2) The pain you feel when not looking is HEALING pain, like the pain from an important surgery. The pain is healing you. On the other hand, the spiritual pain of looking is the pain of the disease getting worse. Which pain do you choose?

3) The pain you feel when not looking is not really your pain at all. It is the pain of the Yetzer Hara in his "death throws". He is screaming that you are hitting him hard. So enjoy the pain! You are feeling the pain of your enemy as he dies!

4) The whole desire is a blown up bubble of hot-air, built around what we see and imagine in the mind. Experience has shown us all, that as soon as we get what we thought we wanted -- what we thought was going to be absolutely incredible (according to what we saw and fantasized), as soon as it's done, the bubble pops and all that's left is "hot air". And we are left shaking our head and not believing that this was the whole thing for which we sell our very souls.

So in essence, the fact that we struggle so much with shmiras ainayim and all these powerful fantasies, and the fact that we need to use such strength and give our hearts over to Hashem - this all is really Hashem's greatest gift to us.

This sounds a little strange, so let me explain what I'm trying to say:

If we would just be like the goyim and just give in and get all we wanted in these areas, we would have NOTHING at the end. Do they have joy from this? The minute it's over, they are left disillusioned and seeking other pleasures to fill the void they feel. So think about it. Hashem has chosen us and uplifted us from the filth of the world with such kindness. He has given us the opportunity to give him our very hearts! We have the opportunity to make all these "valiant" struggles every time we turn away from looking at something the Yetzer Hara wants us to look at. But what is the alternative, if we would give in? Nothing! Emptiness and disillusionment! The Yetzer Hara promises so much but delivers nothing! So what I'm trying to say is, that this whole blown up desire we have, and all these difficult struggles not to look, etc... it’s all really a "game" that Hashem is playing with us. He makes us feel we are "ripping out our hearts" for him - and he indeed gives us the reward AS IF WE DID RIP OUT OUR HEARTS and he allows us to come closer to him than any non-Jew could dream of coming, and yet, it's all a game. For if one would be able to see in advance the way he would feel after he would give in, he wouldn't even have a struggle!!

That is perhaps what Chaza”l meant when they said that one day the Tzadikim will weep with joy that they were able to overcome the mountain of the Yetzer Hara, and Resha’im will weep that they couldn’t overcome this little string of the Yetzer Hara. One may ask, how could the Yetzer Hara really be two things? Well, based on what we just wrote above, it could be that the Tzadikim are talking about the “mountain” that the Yetzer Hara “FELT LIKE” – when they DIDN’T give in. But the Resha’im are seeing the little “nothing” that the Yetzer Hara really was WHEN THEY GAVE IN.

So it’s really all a game of Hashem’s chesed and love for us. Hashem is really only asking of us to over come a “small string”, but he makes it LOOK like a mountain so that we can truly give him our hearts and get the tremendous reward he wants to give us!

Remember this, and you will stay strong even in what “feels like” the most difficult moments!

Keep posting here and may Hashem be with you on your journey!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 21 Oct 2008 20:01 #548

  • me
Excellent answer!!!

Concerning the different types of pains:

We must accept the fact that there must be pain.

Now, let us decide: Do I want the pain of the "work out" or the pain of the "loss"???
Last Edit: by stevec613.

Re: New start.....Please join me! 23 Oct 2008 00:44 #552

  • eme
Thank you me and guardsureyes for posting encouragement. It really means alot and helps so much. Yes there is that pain of not looking, and Im feeling it super strong right now logging online for the first time in 2 days....

Im sorry that I wasnt more clear in the original post, but Im nowhere near the level of guarding my eyes on the street. Thankfully that doesnt have the same effect as the garbage I see online. Internet is my real challenge. That is where I usually fail and that is where I plan to improve.

Todays not over yet so I will not count it, but tuesday and wednesday are days one and two for me. Just have to get thru today. Its so much tougher than I thought.
Last Edit: by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 23 Oct 2008 02:31 #553

  • WeWillNotBeForsaken
I am new to this website and I too am attempting a new start (second day sukkos). Over the years I have tried nearly every conceivable method of trying to break this habit on my own - that didn't work. So far, the thing that seems to be working best for me is just going on this site and browsing through the forums and latest posts (like yours).  The posts are inspirational and infuse within me a strength to be strong for at least a couple of hours (until my next browsing of these forums). There are other people who are going through / have gone through the same trials as us. IY'H we will both be successful.


 
Last Edit: by simcha.

Re: New start.....Please join me! 23 Oct 2008 02:56 #554

  • Elya K
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Anonymous group calls continue this Thursday night. If you want to join email Elya at
yidvre@gmail.com, for materials, phone number and times.
Former moderator of the Jewish Healing Group phone conference and presently one of the GYE hotline moderators.
Last Edit: by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 23 Oct 2008 16:17 #558

  • mdmjerusalem
HI WeWillNotBeForsaken
congratulations to your joining the Lamed Vav club
where yiden join up to form a Military
and OH boy, we are prevailing!
Last Edit: by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 23 Oct 2008 18:43 #559

  • the.guard
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Dearest Yidden - Eme and Wewillnotbeforsaken,

Yasher Koach on joining our community. Please see this page to get started.

The first step is a strong filter. I hate to say this, but without a good filter (where someone else has the password, and someone ELSE'S e-mail address is used) there's little chance for success, no matter how much chizuk and how many methods you try. There will be weak moments in the future, and having it within hands reach makes it just too hard to start to recover. See this page for more info on filters and many great options. If you think filters can't really help you since you can find ways around them, see this FAQ page.

Also, see these two cries for help and our subsequent replies:

1) www.guardureyes.com/GUE/OurStories/CryStory2.asp
2) www.guardureyes.com/GUE/OurStories/CryStory5.asp

May Hashem be with you!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: 23 Oct 2008 21:40 by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 23 Oct 2008 21:32 #563

  • the.guard
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I happened to be on har hazeisim today and I went specially to the Kever of the holy Tzadik Yesod Olam, Rav Shlomo From Zevil, whose Yartzeit is Yesod she'beYesod (during Sefirah), to daven for EME and the rest of us here.

Rav Shlomo worked his whole life on the aspect of family purity amongst Yidden, and with his own hands, and at his own expense, he built countless Mikva'os in Eretz Yisrael. The Previous Belzer Rebbe called him "Tzadik Yesod Olam". He obviously had a Shoresh Neshama of Yesod - which represents shmiras Habris.

Here's a picture of him: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/RShlomo.asp
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 24 Oct 2008 04:07 #564

  • eme
WeWillNotBeForsaken- Thanks for joining me. I hope we can be mechazeik each other to get out of this terrible hole.

guardureyes- I nearly cried when I read that you davened for me at the tzaddiks kever.

Unfortunately I am super embarrassed to say that I did not make it through the day yesterday. I failed to guard my eyes from following after my heart. I really did not expect to fail so quickly, but it was hard - very hard. Today as of now (last 24 hours), is the first of 90 days that I will G-D willing make it through.

Some steps I am hoping to take very shortly are:

1. Setting up a new password on my k9 filter and not looking at it. That way I would have to go thru the trouble of getting it via email.

2.  Downloading at least one more filter as k9 is not good enough alone.

3. Getting a sponser/partner

4. Joining in the group phone calls.




Last Edit: by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 24 Oct 2008 04:18 #565

  • Mevakesh Hashem
Welcome to our world!

I have been a little out of the loop over Sukkos, but I am glad to see our ranks are swelling Baruch Hashem. The Yetzer Hara's power is shrinking and he is in panic mode.

Be careful of his last ditch attempts to ruin us  when he is in this mode. He has tried quite a few sly tricks with me over Yom Tov, but Baruch Hashem I was able to see through him and not fall for his garbage.

Yidden!

Dear friends!

Fellow warriors!

The long, cold, dark, scary winter is before us.

It is our job to make sure we don't fall into any darkness.  Light the darkness with Torah, Tefilah and Ma'asim Tovim.

May Hashem continue to be with us.

And to eme, who started this post, I say this: 8 months ago I never would have believed for a second that I would ever be able to be in control of my life, my thoughts, my eyes and my Bris. Hashem has helped me in phenomenal ways and Baruch Hashem I have taken great leaps in the right directionm and am constantly learning of new strengths that I posess.

If I could overcome  my Yetzer Hara, so can YOU! and so can everyone else here. Just ask Elya, Guardureyes, Menachem, Jack, me,mdmjerusalem and all the other Tzadikim here and they will all tell you that it CAN be done!!!!

Chazak V'Ematz!

Last Edit: by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 24 Oct 2008 10:58 #570

  • the.guard
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Eme, those are excellent steps! Make sure to stick to them, and all of us here will take you with us to recovery, closeness to Hashem and a new freedom in your life. You will finally be able to get in touch with the "real you", the person you want to be.

You can put in my e-mail address for K9, so you won't be tempted to ask them for the password. (eyes.guard@gmail.com)

I understand you joined with "willnotbeforsaken" as a sponsor? May both you you have much siyatta dishmaya!
Have you joined the daily chizuk list?

I am sure Hashem will help you heal, and then you will become a powerful asset for all of us on this forum as well, offering chizuk to others and showing them that it can be done.

Remember the things I wrote about guarding your eyes (how the pain heals you, and how it's all hot air, etc...). Even though I was talking about guarding your eyes in the street, most of what I wrote applies equally to the internet.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by aaron.

Re: New start.....Please join me! 25 Oct 2008 21:37 #579

  • the.guard
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Eme, I put up your story here, in the "Determined to Quit" section of out Stories.

If you want to fill us in on some of the details, like how it started, what age, and tell us about the times you tried to stop, what steps did you try, etc... I can add it to your story.

You can e-mail more about your story to me privately if you want (eyes.guard@gmail.com).

May Hashem be with you!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: 25 Oct 2008 21:39 by .

Re: New start.....Please join me! 26 Oct 2008 04:33 #581

  • eme
So B'H I have gotten thru day three. Being a friday and shabbos I know they were easier and a tough week lies ahead. I WANT TO BREAK OUT OF THIS!

Mevakesh Hashem - Thanks alot for the encouragement. One thing that bothers me is that I had the oppotunity to break completely free two times. I had been clean for about 8 whole months each time and then fallen back down. I wish I could be at 8 months now.

guardureyes - I have not made anyone my sponsor for accountability yet - Im not understanding 100% how it works. But I plan to this week, as well as the other steps I listed. Please check for a PM from me.
Last Edit: 26 Oct 2008 04:40 by .
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